If you'll take a look at the last few posts, you'll notice a trend...lots of being tired, for one. Did I happen to mention that TOM never arrived for the month of May? Well, the pregnancy test confirms...I am with child. It's so weird! I'm still not totally accepting it, I mean, I'm not disappointed by any means, but wow! What to do now? I guess the job-hunting is off. I'm vested here with enough sick-time to kill a mule plus, I'm hoping I can telecommute, what with my situation now. I guess we'll see in time.

So, the whole weight-loss issue is no longer an issue, now. My goal is to maintain my current size until July, so that I can at least fit into the bridesmaid dress without too much trouble. In fact, I don't even plan on telling my girlfriend until I'm there. How's that for keeping a secret long-term? Oh, boy. In the meantime, I've set up another blog to document the whole pregnancy process (for those of you who are interested). You'll find it on the left-hand column "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life" (it really is!). I am not abandoning this blog, just putting it on pause for a bit. I hope that you all reach your fitness goals, in the meantime. I'll be back to work-off baby weight, when the time comes and, when the time comes, I'll be here. Good luck!

I came in still feeling really tired this morning. Now, I'm cramping and it's kind of a nagging cramping sensation, not the full on pain. I don't want to drug myself until that happens (am I sadistic or what?). I'm just not a fan of the drugs unless I really, really need them. I hate that loopy feeling. I could never be a drug addict. One or two cocktails and I'm ready for bed (and who wants to sleep 24/7 when life is going on?).

The day has kind of dragged here too. We had a pot-luck and that usually makes the day fly, but no such luck today, dang it. I've still got a whole hour until quittin' time and I'm not feeling all that motivated to work, right now.

Hubby and I will be "summerizing" the swamp cooler when we get home. It's an arduous process, but a necessary one (We nearly melted in our beds last night....88 degrees!). Where in the heck did that come from? We totally went from 50's and 60's last week and early this week, into the 80's. It's making everyone in my office sick as dogs. They just need to keep their germs to themselves, and I'll be happy.

So, I made a cream cheese, pound cake for the pot-luck. It didn't go nearly as quickly as my famous kahlua cake, but it's nearly gone. I guess everyone liked it. It was pretty good, for pound cake (I prefer to cook with alcohol. It gives baked goods a really rich and decadent flavor).

I wish I could say the weekend was going to be more exciting than summerizing the swamp cooler but, alas. I guess I'll just have to settle for dull. It's okay. Since our basement flooded last night (yikes), boring sounds pretty good right about now.

I walked on the treadmill this morning for about 35 minutes with a speed of about 3.7 mph and now, I'm just feeling like I need a nap really bad. I suppose this is just my body getting used to working out again, or it could be that I'm still trying to adjust to our outrageous altitude, after being at sea-level for a week, but who the heck knows. All I know is that if I had a little nook right about now (think George and his office on Seinfeld), I'd be in there snoozing. I thought my breakfast would at least perk me up a little, but no dice.

I've spent the first few minutes this morning reading my emails and searching for alternative work. I think I may talk to my mom again about helping me right a proposal that would allow me to work from home. I kind of think I should wait until the end of May, at least then I'll know if the babe was accepted to the school in this district or not. If not, than I've got good reasoning again for working from home. If so, then I don't have to really go anywhere (unless I want to). I do hope the market improves, but I kind of doubt it. Summer is nearly here and the market will be flooded with high school and college age kids who'll work hard for nearly nothing. This lady needs something.

We had Greek food for dinner last night. I was craving it so bad! It was weird. The plate I ordered came with a Gyro, chicken kabob, saffron rice, garlic potatoes and a side salad. Hubby, of course, helped me eat it (along with his own chicken gyro and chicken kabob). It was so good and really hit the spot. It's not often I want Greek food, but I really wanted it last night. In fact, I thought about it the whole way home. No strange cravings today, thank goodness.

The babe and I will be working on her (dare I say it?) scrap book for her show and tell at school tomorrow. She's going to put together pictures and "stuff" from our trip to share with her class. I will work with her on her presentation skills (well, as much as a four year old can work on presentation skills). It should be fun. I also have to bake a cake for a pot-luck we're having here at work tomorrow. Seems we're having a lot of pot-lucks lately. So many people are quitting (a couple have come back, oddly enough). I didn't know this was such a great environment to work in. Actually, I think people just get used to a place and don't know what else to do. Perhaps that's happening to me.

The vacation is over....sigh (again). It was wonderful and very much needed. We spent all of last week in Daytona Beach, Florida at the Ocean Walk Resort. As you all may remember, last year when I was busting my butt at the gym daily and losing tons of weight and looking fine, I won the gym's Olympic competition's, top prize - two, round-trip tickets to anywhere JetBlue flies. Well, it has taken me this long to use them (figuring out logistics and so forth was what was so time consuming). The babe and I used the JetBlue tickets, while hubby flew Delta. It really worked out nicely because we weren't sure he would even be able to go with us. Then, we found this great rate and he didn't even have to have a layover! (Lucky duck!)

We flew into Orlando and then drove to Daytona Beach. Consequently, this is also where my grandmother lives, so the trip was a two-fold venture. I believe it was probably the best Mother's day she's had in a long time - her son (my dad), me and her great-granddaughter, all there to visit her. She was so happy.

We would spend around thirty minutes to an hour with her each day. You know, that was about all we could stand. Don't get me wrong, although I was happy to see her again and was eager for her to get to know the babe, she can be really negative, cantankerous and crochity (like so many older folks). It starts bringing you down after while and we were on vacation, weren't we? I think she needs to stop watching the news so much. I mean, she literally watches it all day, along with whatever religious programming she can find. I guess that's a balancing out for her, but it only depressed me.

We ate soooo much. I can't even believe it! It was completely overboard and I know it. I don't regret anything, but I do know that I'm going to have to put in some serious overtime with the workouts, if I'm going to get off this vacation weight. It was Long John Silver's, Crabby Joe's and steamed crabs galore, for us. We also partook in some decadent Italian one night that was to die for! I still can't believe we ate as much as we did.

Aside from eating, we were also doing touristy things like shopping and visiting attractions. We didn't do Disney world because the babe still isn't tall enough for a lot of the rides it would have been heart-breaking for her not to do what she wanted, and way too expensive for us just to go to a park, not ride anything and walk around. We did, however, visit Beach street and all the shops along that strip. We also went to the park and were pretty much greeted by about a hundred squirrels. There aren't many here in Utah, so it was a treat for the babe to see them and see how tame they were.

Finally, last Thursday, we went to Ponce De Leon inlet and the Marine Center in Ponce Inlet Florida. We got to see the sea turtles that they save and do a nature trail. It was a lot of fun, even though it was hot as hell. I really can't complain, though. It was in the 80's the entire time with about 70% humidty. It could have been a whole lot worse. If we'd waited even one month, I think we would have melted down there.

Of course, we swam a lot and enjoyed all the amenities of the resort (including the bar). I had my first Hurricane and drank it in the jetted, garden tub in our room. I nearly drowned in there! That sucker packs quite a punch for a mixed drink.

All in all, I have to say it was one of the best vacations I've ever been on (I still think our Vegas/Oceanside adventure is number 1). I'm rejuvinated and ready to start tackling the job hunting again, even though I'm so not looking forward to it. I'm also not as bitter on the road with the drivers. I guess it's just good to realize when you need a "time out" and I probably should take more of them (even if it's just getting away for the weekend). Hubby and I talked about this very thing upon our return. It's just good for your mental sanity (which gets ambushed on a daily basis).

To get going on my workout, I started on the elliptical Monday but took yesterday off. I walked on the treadmill this morning and really felt the effects of being off my workouts for a week. Yikes! It was tough! My eating habits still aren't great, so I'm going to have to take some drastic measures. As soon as I get my spreadsheet back in order (Yep! It's back to the spreadsheet because that is what works for me.), I'll post my weight (even though I cringe to think of what the number is now. Oy vei!!).

Yesterday, we got a jolt from a power outage, at around 3:30 pm. The lights blinked out and so did several computers. Mine remained on, but didn't do a thing. After about ten minutes of walking around talking to people about the strangeness of it all, we were told that the power would not come back until 7:00 pm, and we should all go home (but we wouldn't be paid for leaving early). Isn't that nice? Well, it was only forty-five minutes until I had to leave and I'm usually here a half hour early everyday anyway, so no skin off my back. It was, however, nice to get home and relax a half hour sooner.

Today, we came in to no Outlook server. Well, that's my life's blood, when it comes to work. Therefore, I'm blogging to my little heart's content, until there's nothing left to blog about. Isn't it funny how dependent we've become on our use of the computer? Ten years ago, I could have completed lots of work without the need to enter my email. Now, it's all I do all day. It is my inbox and tasks for daily work. Everything I do is email (with a little internet work on the side). Even that is acting fruity. (I just clicked on the link again and it's still not up. I've been here since 6:59 am. It is now 9:00 am). I couldn't even work from home, today. Craziness!

I spent the first hour talking to my best friends about all the stuff that went down with my sister. Honestly, it felt good to divulge to her...it really did. For some reason, playing "true confessions" with my best friend made me feel better than telling anyone I've told so far. She agreed with me on so many aspects...sincerely agreed, not the "I'm-your-best-friend-and-I'm-suppose-to-agree" agreement, you know? I expressed my concerns about attending the graduation this Friday and all my fretting seems to have been lifted, somewhat. All I can do is pray that I get through it...the bonus is what's to come after, if I do: Clarity of mine and a week's vacation from work (well, the second part was coming, regardless).

We also talked about her impending wedding in July and all the craziness of planning. She seems to be holding up well. I told her that I picked up my dress on Monday and that it was absolutely beautiful. We then pondered about the ridiculousness of David's Bridal and their insistence that we buy the dresses at the same store because of die-points and the possible mis-match of the other bride's maids with mine. Whatever! My dress came with tags and everything! Do they tag the dress after it's dyed? Or, do they have a bunch of dresses in a warehouse that they just ship out when called upon? I believe the latter and so does my friend. Otherwise, do they just have a bunch of white dresses sitting in a warehouse waiting to be dyed, and if so, do they stitch on the blue beading and sequins after? How in the world would fabric dye take on white sequins and beading. It wouldn't! It would act just like marker on glossy paper and just smear away. And, they wouldn't have a bunch of white dresses with blue beading (or whatever color dress you're picking out) sitting around in a warehouse, would they? How economical is that? It doesn't make any sense at all.

Well, we pondered that for a while, then left it alone to talk about my daughter and her great time at our local amusement park. She's such a little thrill seeker. Then, my best friend talked about her nephew and how he's the same way, except he's also a games player too (which drives her crazy). Spending dollar after dollar to flip a disc on a coke bottle is not our idea of a good time.

The phone rang and I just talked to my hubby for a half hour. Time is really flying now (snicker, snicker). I also just tried the outlook icon again. Still, nothing.

Okay, so now I'm going to make a bunch of appointment, personal calls to kill some more time. Then, go to the gym at 11:30. This looks to be a really productive day (snicker, snicker).

The weather is not cooperating again. The sun has nearly disappeared and will not return until a week from today. One week! I need a bit of Vitamin D, here. I'm at critically low levels and I can tell TOM is approaching because I'm moody and bitchy this week. If the sun were here, I'd have no trouble screaming my stress out at the top of some hill. As it is, I'm stuck indoors (and there will be no screaming indoors, says the management).

Weight training and cardio are going well. I'm in my "fat" jeans because of TOM water weight, and they're not as tight. That's a good sign, I guess. I wish they were nearly falling off like last year, but I guess this will do.

The babe has had some issues at school, so much so that the manager had a "sit down" with me on Tuesday. I was embarrassed, but listened to what she had to say. My child is spoiled, thank you very much. Of course she is! I almost lost her at birth and at four months. We totally dote on her. Granted, I know it will cause problems later, so we are working to discipline her better, not allow her to argue with us so much, and have given her a sweet list of chores to do (she already fed the dog and cats, now she's taking care of other things). I hope it works. I so don't want her to have troubles when she's in regular school.

My sidekick has been on vacation this week to Disneyland and Vegas (lucky girl). I'm sure she's having the time of her life, while I'm stuck indoors...staring out at the rain. Oh, joy. I can see little pockets of sun over the mountains, but the rays are being muffled by big, cumulus clouds. Oh, clouds, don't you have somewhere else you could be, like, up north somewhere or back East?

I have no set plans for the weekend. The babe is grounded from the T.V. till next Tuesday, so there's only play time and computer learning games that she can do. I suppose I'd better stock up on some. This may turn into a long weekend indeed.

Not you guys...I mean, not unless you want to. This is just me venting about a phone call I received a few minutes ago. What is it with people and not reading? I mean, they can solve so many of their own problems if they just took the time to freakin' read. It's really pathetic. The sad thing is that it was a student who called. A student! How does he expect to get anywhere with his degree without reading? Oh, well. The details really aren't that important, but it is a subject that comes up more than not.

Meanwhile, I'm back on the "working out" regularly kick. Not that I wasn't before, but last week was out of sorts because of me and the babe both being ill and dad was home, which makes us always want to go out and eat for comfort. Luckily, we eat pretty well (most of the time) but last week, it was all KFC, A&W, McDonalds, Taco Bell and Fat-food heaven. The only "good for us" take-out we had was Rumbi Island Grill (I'm starting to really fall in love with that place. Yum!!)It's amazing that I don't feel like tub-o-lard because I really should. Today, I've been extra good to try and make-up for the damage. I'm glad I'm not weighing regularly right now because I would be living on guilt street for real! I just don't want that right now in my life. I know what I did, I'm going to correct it. Why should I have to put myself through torture as well? It's not worth it...especially with my stress-level where it is. I can't wait for my vacation! God, I can't wait!

The day, otherwise, hasn't been so bad. My boss is back, after spending the weekend burying his father. It was really sad watching him go through that. I understood why he was at work, but I wish he had taken more time off. I can't imagine what it's like to loose a parent. A bunch of us sent flowers to the funeral (this was separate from the standard, company flowers that go out...too impersonal, I think). He is my boss, after all.

Well, here's to hoping students everywhere start reading and learn how to do things on their own, without someone constantly holding their hands.

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. Boy! I wish I had lots to say like,

"I found this awesome job that pays what I want, has the schedule that I want and provides me the flexibility that I need. I absolutely love it!" or

"The babe has auditioned for a commercial that will pay her enough money to send her to the private school in our city for the next ten years. In fact, it's paying her so much that I can quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom and support her." or

"Hubby quit the sheriff's department and is now personally training some big shot in Hollywood. We'll be moving next week to keep him company (lounging by the pool) in their big, Tudor-style mansion."

Hey, I can dream, can't I? Unfortunately, it's more like SSDD every day for the past month. Ugh! No change no hopes of a better tomorrow, as of yet. I have been getting calls from perspective employers who call and then don't call back after I call them. Mostly tech writing positions, but hey, it's work and I can do it.

I'm still weight training and looking pretty good, if I do say so myself. The weight is probably the same, but I'm telling you...being a slave to the weight scale number is for the birds (although, it kills me to say I'd like that number to be nicer). I'm taut and stronger, but still carrying extra weight. I hope that the "scales" tip in my favor soon. I'm getting so impatient.

This weekend looks to be nice. I have to do the babe's hair this evening, which is always time consuming, but worth it. It gives me two weeks of freedom, until I have to do it again. Before we go on our trip, I'll probably do the painstaking cornrows for ease and flexibility. They're not as cute, but much easier to care for. Well, it's time to begin my weekend, so I shall. Adios!

We have another "pow-wow" session scheduled tomorrow with the family. I'm not sure how this one will go at all. The first one was very revealing to all of us, I think. I'm just hoping that things stay civil (like they were the last time). I'm glad TOM is over and I'm not PMSing. I could say things that I wouldn't normally say, if that were the case. Right now, I'm feeling very level and clear-headed. I'm keeping optimistic...that's all I can do.

I'm wearing the dress I wore Easter Sunday today. I've been called "mod" and "gorgeous". I'd say that's a good way to get the day going. I've also been a mite sassy (it must be the dress).

Still no word from the potentials. It's starting to bug me a bit, but I'm trying to say strong. I really, really, really want to find something that works for my schedule along with the Babe's, but that also allows me to receive the income I need to stay in my house. I hope that can happen. I'm really praying hard that it does.

I've been doing well on the workouts but boy am I sore! Hubby took the back massager to me last night and it sure helped, but I'd really like an all-over massager. My quads, triceps and inner-thighs are what's giving me grief today. We have dinner guests coming tonight, so I didn't do my morning workout (opted to clean a bit and get things ready), nor will I do one this evening (cooking, entertaining and such). I hope I'm not in a mummified state by tomorrow. It usually takes a day to really feel the grief. Ouch!!

Hubby and I celebrated our 7th year anniversary this weekend. We went to a movie, out to dinner, did a little shopping then, capped off the evening with a cocktail and another movie. It was lovely. The babe stayed with her aunt, uncle and cousins for a sleepover and we had the house to ourselves. Of course, we missed her and ran straight over to pick her up Saturday morning.

Sunday, we made birthday dinner for my mother. Salmon marinated in Teryaki/garlic sauce, stuffed salmon, roasted potatoes and French cut green beans. For dessert, my mother's favorite, oatmeal raisin cookies. She seemed happy and we sent her home with leftovers.

Pretty much ate what I wanted this weekend, but got today off on the right foot. I'm determined to be bathing suit ready for May, and I'm nearly there. I need to drop a few pounds and tone up a bit more, but I'm nearly there. I'm doubling my efforts by starting up my morning workouts again. I won't do my mid-day workouts this week. Instead, I'll do my Firm tapes in the evening when I get home (before dinner). Hubby is off most of this week and I'm sure he'll do the dinners, if I'm this focused (except Wednesday...we're having dinner company on Wednesday, so I will do my mid-day then).

I haven't heard from any of the places where I've applied. It's like I don't exist. I'll start following-up on Wednesday, but I thought surely I'd have heard something today. Oh, well. I guess when it's time, it will happen. This waiting gets hard, but I will wait if that's what I have to do. I also know that my yahoo account probably sends up all sorts of red flags. I'll be contacting Comcast today about setting up an account through them (sent we use their service at home). Surely that looks more reputable. Perhaps employers will start contacting me back with a Comcast account.

I've been on edge lately and it's starting to have an effect on how I speak to people. So, I'm making a conscientious effort to think about things before I speak, to consult my mind and heart, before I release what's in me. I think it will make a difference and I won't feel like I'm bottling up so much. I had to really relax last night, in order to finally fall asleep. I was so pent up. It must have been really restful sleep because, despite the later hour, I woke up at 4:00am refreshed and ready to get started.

I'll keep plugging away with my new routine...geeze. It's amazing what we go through to look good and be healthy. I just wish it weren't so hard.

I've been irritated most of the day. It all started with the pissy daycare worker and morphed into my heart aching for myself and some of the people who work here (mainly, those of color). It's terrible what's been happening, recently. One girl was actually confronted in the breakroom and was told that "she doesn't belong here" and that she was only hired because she's black.

Now, for those of you who are unclear on the reasons why affirmative action exists, let me break it down for you:"take affirmative action to ensure that applicants are employed, and that employees are treated during employment, without regard to their race, creed, color, or national origin." It all goes back to the "Jim Crow Laws" and the "separate but equal" garbage that existed pre-civil rights movement. Unfortunately, racism is still alive and well, but people should not have to feel threatened or work in a hostile environment, just because they are darker than others. It's so ridiculous! I can't believe it's even happening, but it is. Even sadder is that it doesn't appear that anyone higher up is resolving the problem. Why is this? Don't they know that they could get sued (or worse) for not addressing these issues? Unbelievable!

Thankfully, it hasn't happened to me directly (or the fire would be brought down, seriously!) but it does effect me in that it is happening to co-workers and they, in-turn, are telling me and it pisses me off just as much as it pisses them off. We're having an all-staff meeting on Friday and we were just sent a survey to fill out. I was brutally honest with my answers. I truly hope that whomever is collating the responses really works to flesh out the problems they find in everyone's answers. They said it will only be a two-hour meeting, but I believe that to be total crap. If they really allow for an open forum, we may be there all day. God, I hope it helps. I really don't want to have to bring down the fire myself.

I'm glad that the week is almost over because I really need to decharge. It's been hectic all day - lots of work, emails, meetings and than this crap on my mind. Hubby said to document it: well, here it is in public view. You can't get more documented than this (oh, I suppose I could put dates and stuff, but I don't have a firm grasp of when all of this happened. Seems like two weeks ago).

I worked out today and it did make a difference, but I'm still steamed. I may have to get in another workout, just to calm down enough to rest well tonight. I'm trying to remember that it isn't like this everywhere and this is even more of a push for me to get out of here, quick and in a hurry.

I've got a beef with one of the daycare teachers. For the past four years, I've brought the babe in a few minutes before opening. Her favorite teacher used to open up, but now she's in school and another teacher is opening the offices. Anyway, I hang out until the opening time, before I leave the babe because (technically), the daycare still isn't open. Fine. The previous teacher had no beef with that. Now, the current teacher who opens, I always have to break my back and bend over, just to get her to speak. She will, but it's a total act of congress. It's almost as if she'd rather deal with the children, then the parents (Well, sorry lady. We come as a set).

The babe had her as a teacher when she was much younger, and she was always so nice. (Maybe she's not getting any, as of late). Whatever bug is up her butt, has now translated to a huge sign on the door that says, "Please do not bring your children to the daycare before 6:45. NO EXCEPTIONS!" What the hell? Why does it matter now? She's usually just sitting there staring at the wall when I get there, or moving toys to the baby room. She's always happy to ask the babe to be her helper.

Anyway, perhaps I'm over-reacting but I think it's so dumb. If I'm there and I'm hanging out with the babe until time, then that shouldn't have any effect on what she needs to do to get the classrooms ready. It just burns me up! So, now I'm not killing myself to be nice. Maybe she'll never speak to me again, considering I had to work so hard before (I'm not sure how she is with the other parents. I've never paid attention, but I almost wish she were the same way with them. I've had to figure in the "race card" so much, lately and it's just sad). But enough on this subject...

On a happier note, I have three anniversaries coming up this weekend (Saturday, specifically): I will be seven years married, I will have been in my sorority for ten years, and baptized for 23 years. (It's also a friend's birthday.) Needless to say, the 9th is a big day. Hubby and I are trying to make some sort of plans, but nothing is set in stone. I know we'll probably do dinner (which is always a nice treat). Have I ever mentioned that my TOM arrived the day of my wedding? Isn't that peachy. It's looking like it will make an anniversary visit too (just my luck).

I had my "intercession" with the pastor of my church, my mother and my sister this past Saturday. It was weird, and yet somehow very predictable. I arrived first (always the early bird), my mom was right on time and my sister (not surprisingly) was late. She spent most of the session emoting, while my mom and I played the logic hand (this was the predictable part of the whole hour). We're supposed to meet again next week. I'm staying hopeful.

I'm so bloated. Ugh! I'm still eating okay and exercising, but the impending TOM is making me feel like a Good Year blimp. It's mortifying what my jeans and T-shirt look like today (any other day, and I would have actually pulled off "cute"). Hubby made his famous chili, which is chocked full of black and red beans, spices, lean ground Turkey and brown sugar. Yum! It's like a party for your colon (I immediately stopped at Wally world this morning and bought some beano. It's a good thing, too)! I'll have more at lunch time (beano and chili, that is).

I ordered a few things for hubby for our anniversary. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they arrive before Saturday. Otherwise, I'll be empty-handed (which I never want to be, when it comes to special days and my hubby). As I've said before, he's the most giving person I know. I'm always happy to give back to him, when I'm financially able (and this time, I am).

It was amazing, truly amazing last night when I was doing my Firm workout (the Hare). I was doing my killer leg lifts and saw it! My finely toned quads rising to the ceiling. How lovely it was to see them again. They had been buried in fat so long, I barely knew they were there. This morning, I turned my arm (straight in front of me, about a 1/2 turn) and saw the bulge of my tricep. My tricep, for goodness sake! I'm on my third week of using weights again and, already, I'm seeing big, wonderful changes. I'll be extra pleased (if that's even possible) when 6 weeks have gone by and I can wear a cut-off shirt or something (am I dreaming? Maybe not).

I still haven't stepped on the scale. I'm thinking I will in May. To be frank, I'm kind of dreading it because I feel good and my clothes fit better, but something about the number (whether it be higher or lower) plays games with my mind. I'm not ready for the games. If it were considerably lower, I'd be alright but I know (in this short bit of time) that I've probably put on weight (muscle) and even though I feel good and look better, that number will set me into a tizzy. I think May is good because it will give me enough time to tone up more and, perhaps, give the muscle time to burn some of this troublesome fat away.

The sun is shining, finally. Yesterday we got hit with storm that left the valley with several inches of snow and the mountains several feet. It was crazy! You could have sworn it was January, yesterday. Today, it looks more like early March (but It would be so nice if it to looked like late April or early May). The weekend looks okay. The babe will have her swim lesson and I will get in some relaxation time with hubby (finally!). I hope it goes well, but you never can tell. The weather (or anything else) could blow in and disrupt everything. I hope that's not the case.

Yesterday was lovely...well, except for hubby being upset with me (it's a long story involving opinions and the non-acceptance of them). Anyway, I spent Saturday night doing the babe's hair for yesterday. Normally, I interlock pre-braided hair into hers but this time, I plated hers up and snipped ringlets from weave tracks I purchased and interlocked those into her hair. Super cute! The only problem is that the hair is really slick, so I couldn't tie it off, I just fed it through and hoped against hope it wouldn't fall out at church. (I did find ringlets around the house) The babe looked absolutely beautiful! On our trip to Vegas, a couple of weekends ago, we bought her Easter shoes - a strappy sandal with a rhinestone bow and clear heels...yes, heels. She asked me yesterday morning, "Mommy, are these my glass slippers?" She truly looked like Cinderella. (when I get a picture prepared, I will post...I promise)

I didn't work out all weekend, yet this morning I woke up feeling smaller. It could just be my imagination. I plan on working out (treadmill style) this evening, since today I was supposed to visit my co-worker who just had her baby. She left me a message saying she has a funeral to attend, so she can't do lunch with me today. Bummer! Now, I'll have to figure out something cheap and healthy to eat. (I know, good luck).

We had sun and blue skies all weekend but today it's looking very much like it did last Monday...gloomy and dark. The weather guy says we're getting another series of storms. I guess that's good, but I am missing the sun.

It's very quiet in my office today. My boss isn't coming in, the admin for the provost is still on vacation, the mentors aren't here and my sidekick doesn't come in until the latter half of the day. I guess I should take advantage of the quiet time and do some major work, right? Nah....

That's what I've been doing since about 3:30 this morning. Unfortunately, the babe had watermelon right before she went to sleep last night, which of course is mostly water, and woke me up to tell me she had an accident. So, I gathered up her sheets and mattress protector and threw them in the wash. Then, I cleaned her up. By the time I got back into bed, it was about 3:30. I laid there and laid there then hopped up and went downstairs and got on the computer. First, I went to Monster.com were, surprisingly, I found a few positions of interest. So, I immediately tweaked my resumes completed my registration process (which had been left hanging for about a year or so). Last resume submitted at 5:30am.

So, I'm racing upstairs to wake up the babe and get ready for work and who is upstairs getting ready himself? My very late hubby, who normally leaves the house at 5:00. We were both struggling. I didn't drink any coffee because I didn't want to feel the low after the high, today. I wanted to be even-stevens because I'm PMSing and being erratic is not cool. The daily vitamin and the Bcomplex stress tabs I'm on have done wonders (but I do feel the itch to bitch occasionally).

I didn't workout at the gym today because it started to snow. Then, it started to snow harder. By the time my lunch-hour arrived, there was a blanket over the entire valley (I didn't want to leave the gym with a wet head and get sick.) I'll probably do something this evening or tomorrow morning. I'm hoping the Firm tapes (the Hare and Tortoise) arrive so that I can do those. It will be nice to have a change-up in my normal routine.

It's almost time to go home and I think I see the sun trying to peek out. I hope it decides to make an entrance before dusk.

What is it about clouds and rain that make you want to roll over and sleep for a week? It was super hard getting up this morning and I know it's because of this continuous rain we're experiencing. When I went out to start the car and opened the garage, the ground and roofs of my neighbor's houses were dusted white, so the snow is still coming too. The mountains are receiving phenomenal totals. For those who ski, this is great news. It's also good because we've been in a drought for the past six years and this may be the last bit of water we need to declare us, officially, drought free.

Today is legs day. I'm thinking quads, hamstrings, adductors and abductors - 4 or five sets. I also think I'll save the abs for home, but perhaps I'll work them into the routine today. Can't hurt! A few inches off the tummy more would be nice (I've already, in just two weeks, lost about an inch around my waist). I'd like to make my back smaller too. I have a big back, for some reason. Hubby says I don't, but it's always felt massive to me. In fact, when trying on my bridesmaid dress at David's Bridal last night, the 10 fit fine, but the dang zipper would not go up. I put on the 12 - more breathing room, but the zipper still struggled. Finally, she brought me a fourteen. A fourteen! That worked beautifully. She then commented that this particular style of dress is cut pretty small. I didn't feel so bad after hearing that (not that I felt bad to begin with. The dress looked absolutely fabulous on me...even now!)

What's really sad is that (in my fourteen) I'm the smallest bridesmaid, coming a close second to the matron of honor (the bride's sister). She's a light-weight and I'm about medium. The others are large and in charge, according to the bride (one of them is going to be in a size 22, for heaven's sake). Wow! I don't think I've ever known what's it's felt like to be the smallest horizontally (vertically, I'm almost always the smallest).

I'll look forward to returning to the shop for alterations, only because I hope the person doing them says, "Gosh, honey. I think we should have ordered you an entirely different size. This looks like a tent on you!" Then, I could say, "Well, it fit just fine when we ordered it. I guess you'll have to take it in a few inches." Wouldn't that be awesome? Oh, to dream.

The babe made friends with the sales lady there helping me. They were tossing one of her stuffed animals around. Yep. I've definitely got an outgoing kid. She didn't even want to leave, silly kid.

Oh, yeah. People have got it in spades, around here (despite the rainy, sometimes snowy weather). Monday night, on the way home (I forgot to mention this), I'm driving along on the highway and this moron pulls up right beside me on a curve. Now, every sane driving American knows that this is something you simply do not do. It's like the driver's unwritten etiquette, or something. It's just a move that's asking for trouble. Somebody over corrects or curves a little to hard and your cars are kissing and then you're exchanging insurance cards.

Anyway, this guy's turning with me and I look over a little horrified, but he's just as cheesy as he can be. I really didn't know how to react because I didn't expect to look over and see somebody smiling at me. Weird! So, we continue past the curve and he's still side-by-side with me. I notice that there's a paper in his window, but I just assumed it was a for sale sign or something. Then, all of a sudden, he zooms in front of me and I see another paper in his back window that reads:

Be A Flirt, Pull up Your Shirt!

Well, I'm just as adventurous as the next gal and I probably would have, being in a brazen mode myself; however, I did have a four-year-old child in the car with me (which I'm sure he saw, being so close and all) and I thought it best not to corrupt her mind to early on with mommy's antics. Save her and give her a couple more years of innocence.

This guy stayed by my side, or at least two cars away until I got to my exit. He kept going after I exited (thank goodness he wasn't the stalker type). :-) The next day (yesterday), a co-worker called and said he needed my help with something. I helped him with his issue and gave him the information he needed. Then he says, "You know what? I just love you." (oh, really?) Then, quick save he says, "I love your whole department and your co-worker, even though I don't know her, I love her too." (hmm. Sure you do) I have to add that this gentleman is the most attractive of our co-workers and in my age group. He's tall (about 6'4 or so), athletic build, square features (I love that! My hubby has them too) and dark hair. He lives in San Fran and we've shared a mild flirtation since he came to work here. I was mighty flattered when he declared his love (real or otherwise). Yeah, the birds and bees are a flyin'!

Today hasn't been as exciting, but it's been okay. I had lunch with co-worker and this afternoon, I have to go to David's Bridal for my bridesmaid dress fitting. The link is to the actual dress. It will be in blue velvet. I'm glad it's pretty enough to wear again.

Still doing well with eating and workouts. I'm starting to see a difference and I like it! The weight training went for 45 minutes this morning. I was quite proud of myself. Three more days of weights, then I begin cardio again (in conjunction with the weights, of course). New body, here I come!

It's so gloomy, here. It's April showers like crazy, and it's not even April yet. What gives? I thought we officially hit spring on Sunday. I gotta tell you, I was none to thrilled to go out to my car after church to slippery, super-wet snow. Geesh! What's really depressing is that we won't see the sun (according to weather.com) until next Wednesday. Next Wednesday? No, no. I simply can't wait that long (as if I had a choice). What happened to our 60+ weather we had last week and the week before? Now, I can totally dig those temps. Bring them back, please!

The weight training is going well and so is the eating, which I seem to be doing a whole lot of. I eat and eat and eat. I know it's supposed to keep my metabolism revved, but give me a break! I feel like a little piggy. As soon as the food feels like it's settling in my tummy, it's freakin' time to eat again. Yesterday, I had a bowl of oatmeal and a carb-watcher's muffin for dinner. I couldn't eat anything else. It's too weird. Meanwhile, I took a look at myself in the mirror, as I was hefting a 20lb bar bell, bicep style. I'm looking better, even after only 4 days (I missed Thursday and Saturday of last week). I'll be glad when the cottage cheese that's found it's way to my thighs, begins to disappear. I never really had any there before. It's not cute. Ugh!

What am I eating? Lots and lots of chicken, a few egg whites, brown rice, veggies, fish and oatmeal. Very little white sugar or white flour, if any. I made Kodiak pancakes on Saturday and was surprisingly pleased at how good they were. They're multigrain with about 130 calories, 2 grams of fat and 4 grams of fiber for two. A little syrup and I was in heaven. It's actually not been hard to convert to this way of eating, it's just the feeling of eating all the time that I've got to get used to.

I haven't weighed and don't plan to for a while, as I've said. I know that the scale would not be kind to me right now, so why put myself through that? I know that in a few weeks, the balance will tip and the muscle will start burning this blasted fat from my thighs (and everywhere else, hopefully), then, I can say hello to the scale again. By then, I think I'll be brave enough to change the site. I guess we'll see, when it comes to that point. Meanwhile, I guess I'll go home and eat some more chicken.

The crossroads? I may have made a turn. I am very hopeful. I spoke to the daycare manager yesterday and I may be able to change the Babe's school district, which would have her in school in the city in which we work, rather than where we live. The particular school in question also has all-day kindergarten as well as after-school care. Again, I am hopeful. Anything could happen.

I'll have to go by there today at lunch and fill out forms, so the workout will need to be moved to the end of the day. They close at 3:00, so it's not something I could do on the way home. {I'm currently nibbling on an Apex bar (oatmeal raisin flavored). I have to say, of all the protein bars out there, I really, really like these.} My biceps are sore (yesterday was arms day), but I'm not feeling the pain in my triceps, which is where I usually feel it. Maybe my form wasn't good or maybe I just did them completely wrong or maybe, the weights weren't heavy enough. I don't know. I just hope it makes a difference.

We watched the SpongeBob movie with the babe last night. I actually thought it was kind of cute, even after approaching the evening with a bad attitude. My plan was to settle in for a night of American Idol drama, but that was not to happen. I did see who was voted off this morning. I wasn't surprised.

I just finished a cup of real coffee and I'm feeling the jitters already. I had a cup with a friend (it was a coffee date-moment we planned yesterday for today.) I couldn't very well drink decaf. I had to have the Cinnamon Crumb Cake flavor to share with her. It was divine but, again, I am seriously feeling it. Only an hour and a half till I can get in my car and drive out some of this energy. To bad I'm missing the gym at lunch, today. That would have been the best place to exert this, before I crash. Ugh!

Things are looking rosy today. I hope they continue on this plane. I've missed rosy days.

I started weight training again Monday night. I also trained again at the gym, yesterday. My body feels like it's been hit by a train (well, I imagine this is how it feels to be hit by a train, but I'm probably not even close). I did my Firm tape Monday and the free weights and machines for my legs yesterday. Everything is sore, despite only working my legs yesterday. I'm feeling the effects of both days today. I hope I can last through the break-through period because I feel like I won't make it during today's workout. Why have I started training again? Because over the weekend I noticed that things that didn't use to jiggle are now jiggling out of control. It's not pretty. I remember during the middle of summer two years ago, I was in great shape, but weighed 170. It was weird how I fit into everything, but weighed so much. Yes. I understand that muscle weighs more than fat and yes, I understand that it takes time for the muscle synergy to catch up to the fat burning, but that didn't make it any less weird. I'm at a point where looking like that again is all I care about, if the jiggling will stop.

I probably lost muscle, during my initial weight loss (which is why the jiggling is happening). I've got to get that dynamic tissue (muscle) back, even at the risk of the scale going up again. I've decided not to look at it for a while, until I get back into the groove of weight training. I'm even upping my protein to help with the process. Yesterday, I had 80 to 90 grams of protein. I felt like I was eating all day, but when I plugged in my points on the WW points calculator, I actually banked 2 points. I like the fact that protein makes you feel full and curbs your desire for sweets (my biggest weakness).

I'll keep up on this blog with how things are going. I can say that I do feel a bit heavier, but that's perfectly fine if I tone up and can wear a shirt without seeing the jiggle (can you tell I have a complex about this jiggle? Ewww!)

What a weekend! We made our trip to Vegas for hubby's meeting, knowing that this was also the weekend for NASCAR. Oy, vei! When we first drove in, the raceway was totally packed. The major race was scheduled for Sunday, but I guess trials and so forth were going on. Anyway, traffic was horrendous, but we made it to the gym for hubby's meeting. He felt very positive about the experience and will be talking to his friend about the possibility of job opportunities. We'll see how it goes.

We bought a lot of liquor, while we were down there. In Utah, liquor is regulated and we don't have stores on the corners like other places. You have to find a state-regulated liquor store to purchase your wine and spirits. It's really irritating, especially if you need something for cooking or you'd just like a nice bottle of wine for dinner and the stores are closed. Vegas has lots of discount stores and liquor is sold everywhere, practically (surprise, surprise). We spent nearly $100 on a variety of things, items (primarily) we're interested in trying but can't find here. The cabinet is now stocked. (We had a nice chardonnay for dinner last night that we got on super sale for $3.00).

We didn't get back to the hotel Friday night until around midnight. Saturday, we spent playing around in St. George, Cedar City and Brian Head. The weather was perfect! Eighty degrees in tank tops and shorts. Amazing! It was freaky for the mind, though - March 10th and 80 degrees. Saturday night, we night-swam in the hotel's indoor pool and relaxed in the hot-tub. The babe loved it too.

We ate entirely too much over the weekend and TOM was here, so I was extra bloated and attractive. I decided too that the weight training must resume sooner rather than later because stuff is starting to jiggle that didn't jiggle before. Also, hubby informed me that I have to stop being so scared of protein. I guess I am a bit scared. I need more chicken and fish like him. I think that it would be better to follow his eating habits, rather than my own. That way, when I do splurge, I don't panic about it like I have been. I'll be popping in my Firm tape tonight to get started (I can't go to the gym because I have a call...a call I conveniently forgot about until the guy emailed me documents and said, "These are for our call today"...ah, what call?).

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday...feeling the stress of my daughter going to school (Charter or otherwise), changing jobs, possibly loosing my house ...you know, the usual stuff that has made me flustered these past few months. Hubby, as he is so good at doing, came to the rescue and reminded me that I'm not alone in all of this. I'm so glad I'm not because I think I would go insane! It's frustrating, confusing and hard on the tummy, but we'll get through it. We have no choice.

Hubby and I both went to bed on time and got a lot of rest, thankfully. We were both exhausted, by the time we got home and settled in for the night. The babe even had a slight temperature and wanted to go to bed. Hubby rented Fairytopia for her last night. As a family, we watched it with her. I thought it would be completely unbearable, but whoever is writing these stories isn't doing such a bad job. I wasn't as too thrilled with their Rapunzel, but the Princess and the Pauper as well as Fairytopia were okay. (Just in case you're interested, it's about a fairy (Barbie/Elina) without wings who lives in an enchanted garden, guarded by fairy guardians. Trouble ensues when the guardians begin to disappear and all of Fairytopia begins to weaken due to a strange sickness. It's up to Elina to stop the dreaded Laverna(sp) from capturing all the guardian fairies and their powers.) The scary characters weren't too scary and the heroes weren't too scared of the scary characters. If they had been, I think the babe would have liked this more.

Tonight is clean up night, oh fun. We just hate coming back to a dirty house after a trip (it's only happened once), so we're always sure to do a thorough clean up (including laundry) before we go anywhere. This morning, we woke up to a huge pile of dog vomit that I had to clean up, so my cleaning began early this morning with me breaking out the steam cleaner. Forget coffee waking you up, just jump into a big pile of dog vomit. Ugh!

I bought my girlfriend a Melitta Coffee filter Cone and filters last night, before I went home. We were talking about mine and how neat it was to be able to make one cup of coffee (using your own good coffee, and not the crap they make in the breakroom) using only your coffee cup. I told her that the next time I went to the store, I would get her one. Well, I went ahead and stopped for her last night. They sell the filters (a box of 40) for .50 and the cone for 1.oo...not bad. I was going to buy her gourmet coffee, but they didn't have what I wanted to get her and the bags and bags of Seattle's Best that they did have were mild (she likes bold - they also sell each bag for $2.00, where most grocery stores charge $8.50. Yikes!) It appears as if I'm a big coffee drinker, but I'm not. The kind I have is decaf because regular makes me race like a jack-rabbit! And, I don't drink it every day (a couple of times a week, if that). I'm just one that, when I do get ready to drink it, I want it to be good. To give her something good to start with, I stopped at Smith's and bought her a bag of the Black Mountain Gold, Swiss Chocolate Almond.

I did well with my eating, yesterday. I wasn't even that hungry, when I got home last night. I had some soup and protein total...a few light tortillas and a glass of Alice White Shiraz. Well, I suppose work is something I should try and do, now.

I didn't sleep well at all last night. I went to bed around 9:45 (I was watching the tape I made of Their Eyes Were Watching God and stopped at a commercial, when hubby was ready to sleep). He was gone in about 5 minutes while I tossed and turned for nearly an hour. I had some things on my mind, but I didn't realize that they were weighing so heavy.

Recently, one of our employees moved on to another job. Another employee followed suit a day later. They both went to the same location, but will be working in different capacities. Anyway, the lady who left was sort of the town crier around here...a loud person with a lot of opinions. She was also a hidden racist who spread all sorts of nasty rumors about the people of color employed here. Anyway, before she left, she made sure to leave her "legacy" behind...also leaving lots of animosity behind for the remaining people to struggle with. I was made privy to all these rumors when my girlfriend stayed the weekend. It doesn't effect me directly, but it still effects me (if that makes sense).

There are others, now, carrying on that legacy of suspicion, deception and hatred making it very hard for those who are of color and still have to work here. It's not for me to bring this up to HR because it's all hearsay for me. I haven't heard any of this directly. I wish my friend would say something to HR, because those spreading these horrible rumors would really be in for it (or at least, I hope they would. No one should have to endure this sort of treatment). Oh, man. What to do!

Aside from that, I was thinking about another lady here who has never liked me. Not that everyone has to like me, but she has always regarded me coolly and made sure to stare me down at every opportunity. When we are in a group setting, she makes out like we just work together all the time. What the hell is that about, I ask you? Several people have told me that she's very kind and giving (she used to be a school teacher turned IBM exec), while others have said that there's a wall you have to get past before you see the kindness. I believe we've been working together 2 years, and she still treats me the same way. It's just odd to me. There are people here that I work less with who treat me better. {Yeah, I'd say it was time to go. Too much drama here, even with the possibility of working from home. I'm still debating over all of it.}

Today is my Wednesday, so I'm glad about that. The weekend can't get here fast enough. You know, with all the restlessness I felt, I wasn't motivated enough to walk on the treadmill. I thought about it, but decided (despite not being able to fall asleep) I was just too tired. I weighed this morning, just for the heck of it, and I'm up the two pounds I lost. TOM is on the way so, I'm guessing it's water? I don't know. It could be the tamale pie I had Saturday night. It takes a couple of days for me to see food splurges.

I'm trying to be optimistic about the day, but with the lack of energy, I'm kind of moving into an "I don't care" mode. We'll see how it goes.

Even though the air appears as if someone took a big stogie the size of a skyscraper and smoked it atop the American Stores tower, the sun is burning bright...bright enough to disintegrate the smog, I hope. Only four days this week for me. I can't wait to get out of here! I'm really feeling restless and I'm so glad hubby is taking me and the babe along for the ride this weekend (a business trip of sorts, I think I mentioned before). Anyway, I'm really needing a real vacation, but this will be okay for now.

The weekend's eating was fine until Saturday evening. My company, who was supposed to be at my house by 3, got there at 10 to 8. By then, I was ready to eat the counter-top...consequently, I feasted well on the Tamale pie she brought (highly fattening). Sunday, we went to Golden Corral, but dinner was Chinese. Each time I ate well, but I'm holding water (I'm close to my visit with TOM, so I have to be sure to drink a lot of water this week). I've gotten through almost 16 ounces this morning, and it's just a few minutes after 8. Not bad.

I'm hopeful that the week will go okay. I want to have a good week because I'm really getting ancy about my job. I watch people race to work in the morning traffic to get their jobs and I wonder, "Man, they must really love their jobs to want to go 85 mph to get there." It seems bizarre to me, but then I remember that once upon a time I really loved my job too and raced to get there everyday. Hmmm. I can't even imagine that, now. I'm in no hurry to get here, but I'm in an awful hurry to leave. I'm sure I'm not alone in my sentiments.

I've got a lot to do, so the load should help in speeding the week along...gosh, I hope so. Here's to being overly hopeful!

I'm sure there won't be a repeat of the WWF, but I am playing it cautious. I am PMSing after all. I am praying for a good, positive, productive weekend. One can hope!

Today has been kind of bitter-sweet. One of our long-term employees is moving on to greener pastures. He's a kind and gentle soul that many will truly miss, including myself. Not only is he a wonderful person, he's a phenomenal chef too! In fact, he brought in hand-made cinnamon rolls and on his last day of work! Amazing! I wrapped mine up to take home and share with the little one. My butt will be on the treadmill tonight, after today's high-fattening pot-luck, going away lunch for him. It was divine and I partook and partook way too much. A little stroll on the treadmill this evening should even things out.

The babe begins swim lessons again tomorrow and I'm so happy for her. I hope she excels and moves quickly to level 2. (I'm anxious for her to be totally comfortable with the water, like her mother). One scaredy cat is enough (my hubby can handle water in small doses, where I could swim every day).

Keep me in your thoughts this weekend as I try not to dwell too much on the past.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them-- every day begin the task anew. -Francis de Sales

This is my mantra, right now. It's so true. I have a hard time (the OCD personality that I am) accepting that things aren't always going to be explained or rational, when it comes to relationships. Sometimes they just do whatever they're going to do. You would think I'd already have a grasp of this, being married and all but, little miss stubborn is still having issues...they're improving, but issues nonetheless.

I'm up two pounds from last week, due to the splurge over the weekend. Hubby took me to lunch yesterday and I maintained control, thank goodness. With him training for his show, he's very particular about what he eats and even more so, when we go out. We went for Chinese. He had the Chicken and green beans plate, with a side of Chicken skewers. Protein fest! I had the Beef and Broccoli with lo mein and wontons. We both had the egg flower soup as well. Not bad for lunch and quite filling. Next week, I'll be back in the swing of my workouts. I have been going at lunch (except for yesterday), but I haven't done my morning walks since before I got sick. I'll be happy to have those back again. I'm getting soft and I don't like it one little bit.

This weekend, the babe begins her swimming lessons again. She's excited and so am I. I'll be glad when we can swim together and I can do it without worrying about her too much. I hope that happens soon. We're also (supposedly) having company over this weekend. We'll see. She has a habit of canceling out.

My hubby is so sweet! He put my lunch together last night when he came home from work. It was his off-day, but he worked an overtime shift from 6:00pm to 10:00pm, came home, then went back out to his part-time job and worked 2 hours. Amazing! He came home at around 1ish, washed the dishes and made my lunch. What a prince. (Don't worry...I know how fortunate I am). We're supposed to be going out of town next week. I'm looking forward to getting out of the state for a bit. I always feel so recharged when I do. The babe will enjoy it too, no doubt.

Here's to better days ahead!

Friday evening was terrific, don't get me wrong. Hubby and I had our accountant over to complete our taxes for us. We'll be getting enough back to pay off the new appliances we bought last year and the new carpet going down in the basement. So, it's always nice to lessen a debt. After the taxes were done, hubby and I went for dinner at Golden Corral then, off to the movies to see Cursed (Wait for it to come out on video, guys. It wasn't that spectacular).

Saturday, I went over to my mother's to do my daughter's hair and to wait for her (my mom) to help me with a writing assignment I had. My sister came home, one thing led to another and I'm fleeing the seen of an assault. Lovely! Thank goodness my mother came to the rescue and I did not have to receive a citation from the police department (yep. The cops got involved). What the hell happened? I'm a calm, somewhat conservative person. I never even been in a physical confrontation before! Not even in school!! But, as I've always said, everyone has their breaking point and I hit mine on Saturday (literally). I'm not proud or glad about what happened. In fact, I was extremely upset all weekend; however, I am taking it as a learning experience. Recently, the troubles with my family have grown and I can't pinpoint why. We've always been fairly close with little to no conflict. My hubby says that my family doesn't "release" or "talk enough", which is true. We do hold too much in...especially me, when it comes to my sister. I am frank, though. I've always said that I love her, but don't like her very much. The problem exploded when my child got involved. Like a mother bear, I protected my cub to the fullest.

I decided over the weekend that I do not want a relationship with my sister any longer. In deciding this, it changes many things. I will have to change my church and remove her name from my "emergency contact list" at the babe's daycare (anyone who can degrade a child's mother in front of the child should not have contact with the child, in my opinion). I will not be going to my mother's house anymore (but I have no problem with her visiting us). My sister is no longer welcome at my home. You know, it's funny. Just before my mother left Saturday morning, she said that my sister (after agreeing to take care of my daughter Friday night) immediately "dumped" the babe on her (my mom), when she returned from her rehearsal. My mother said it reminded her of when she would go to obligations and leave my sister home with my dad. He would do the same thing when she returned.

My home-life is completely opposite. My hubby would never do such a thing. In fact, he's always trying to carve out time to see the babe. He's even admitted to being jealous of all the time the babe and I have together. In my opinion, that's a real father. (my father was never like that and still, to this day, I speak to him only a few times a year. My sister won't talk to him or my grandmother at all).

This just seems so terrible, now that I'm looking at it in black and white. What's worse is hubby tried to provide comfort by treating me and the babe to all of our favorite things to eat. Granted, they weren't all sinful (but 50% were, for sure). I stepped on the scale Sunday, but probably shouldn't use that number as a judge. I was holding water, completely sore and it was about a half hour after I woke up.

The whole of Saturday, I couldn't talk to my mom because I was talking to the cop. Then, my phone died. Then, when she tried to call me at home, I was in such a state that hubby asked her to call me back. He said that she would call me later. She hasn't called yet (it's now Monday). My fear is that, true to form, she has taken my sister's side, enabled and coddled her, now wants nothing to do with me (gosh, this is awful!!). I'm just numb about that part of it. My sister, I can deal with but my mother? Geesh! Talk about intensifying the crossroads. As if my life weren't already in a state of chaos!

I am so thankful for my husband. He left work when the crap went down to come home and take care of me. He wasn't justifying what I had done, but did remind me that I was human and that I should forgive and try to let go. Best advice, I think. I felt so bad for the babe that I apologized to her continually on the way home. I'm just so glad that she's young because an older child might have truly been traumatized (not that she isn't, but older children have a better grasp of memories). Ugh! I just don't even want to be here today, but I can't be defeated. I will do what I do and pray for better days. I have to. I don't really have a choice.

I wish I had something exciting planned but alas, this is not the case. I will be doing the babe's hair first thing in the morning. Then, after her nap, I will be journeying to my mother's to write a proposal. Oh, fun. It just doesn't get much better than this!

The cake was a huge success, yesterday (my co-worker ended up sharing with the office). It was gone an hour after she sent the "all staff" email. You would have thought a chocolate cake was gold, the way people were snarfing it down. I guess it's a compliment to my baking skills as well. I had a small sliver myself and it sure was tasty.

I'm really liking these Van's waffles my hubby purchased. They are all wheat, 180 calories for 2 waffles with only 2 grams of fat and 5 grams of fiber. They taste a lot like those Belgian frozen waffles they used to make (the ones that you had to put in the sleeves before microwaving...that's the other thing. You microwaved those puppies, instead of the traditional toasting). The other thing is that they are 3 points (in regards to the WW diet). About 5 total, when you add a bit of syrup. Groovy! I had two this morning and an egg white.

I'm down 1/2 a pound. I hope it's more by the start of next week. I think it has to do with the little walk I took on the treadmill last night when I got home. Boy, was that something. I started hacking like a mad woman after only fifteen minutes (I took it slow, around 3.2 but I inclined to around 6). Not as fast, but a harder walk. I even burned more calories than I normally due. The workout makes the difference in how fast I loose, for sure. I'll take another jaunt this evening as well.

It's in the 50's here and I'm totally loving it! I love spring and can't wait for it to finally arrive. Everything about it is appealing; the colors, the weather, the smells. Wonderful! Here's to having a bit of spring fever and not having anything fun to do this weekend! :-)

Primarily, the expectations I have of myself, are way too high (I think). I've eaten hardly anything all week and my weight hasn't changed. You'd think the bonus to being sick would be a bit of weight-loss but noooo. I get stuck in plateau land again. What the hell! I suppose if I were doing the workout thing and burning those extra 3 to 400 calories, I would be seeing a difference. How is it that people starve themselves and loose buckets of weight and I eat barely anything and manage to stay the same? It's so frustrating. Typically, when I get sick, I want to eat everything under the sun (you know, comfort and stuff). This time, I made an effort not to inhale everything I saw and what happens? I'm stuck. Well, I'll try to be patient and see what happens when the workouts start up again. I'm trying really hard to try.

I watched American Idol and saw four of the folks get the big boot. You know, it's interesting that one of those chicks talked about not being seen or getting any exposure while she was on the show. It appeared that the folks that got voted off were folks I hadn't seen much of. I guess if you mug enough for the camera, it sure can help with those votes. I've never voted myself, but I sure have strong opinions about who I like and don't like.

My co-worker's birthday is tomorrow, but she's going out of town so, last night I baked her one of my famous Kaluha cakes. They are divine - devil's food cake, chocolate pudding, chocolate chips, eggs, sour cream, oil, kaluha and powdered sugar. It's enough to make your teeth ache! I also bought her little girlie things (body glitter, nail polish and dangle star earrings). She was mighty happy. It's always nice to get goodies for your birthday. I will never forget how I felt the year my birthday was forgotten. It sucked royally!

Here's to hoping against hope that the poundage begins to leave again.

I awakened to a bit more hacking last night, but nothing like the night before. The cold storm is passing and just in time! Our weather, here, is taking a turn for the better. What was initially forecasted as a doom and gloom week, filled with snow and sleet is now predicted to be a sunny, in the 50's kind of week...and I may actually get to enjoy it.

I'm really starting to miss my workouts. I know that I would be making a serious dent in my initial pound dropage this week if only I were busting my butt on the treadmill or elliptical trainer (but this kid isn't crazy. No relapses for me). Hubby was up at 3 this morning doing cardio on the treadmill (he's training for a competition in April). I hope he sees it through. He won his last competition in 2000. I'm not sure if this is a natural or not (the non-naturals do not test for steroids). If it isn't, he will be competing against folks who have used elements other than nature to get bigger. Personally, I think they should all test.

I have no plans for the weekend, but I think it's time to do the babe's hair again. It's looking kind of ratty. She would have the opportunity to audition for a show on Thursday, but we have a dentist appointment (that I had to reschedule and get approved for time off at work), so this audition must not be for her.

Lots of people in my office are turning in their resignations. One gentleman here has been here since (nearly) the inception of the college and his last day is next week. He really got a bum rap from our president and I feel so bad for him on that front, but I am happy that he'll be going somewhere where he feels needed and appreciated. He deserves it. Another lady, of whom I'm pretty good friends with, her last day is Friday. We're taking her to lunch today (Cafe Trang). I can't wait! We both love that place so much and it's not fattening (thank goodness!). I bought her a gift last night at Barnes and Nobel. It's two astrology books with astrology house cards included. She's really gotten into that, so I thought, "What a great thing for her to remember me by". I hope she likes it.

Well, probably should get down to the grind. I'm back-to-back meeting girl today. Yesterday was hellacious! I hope today is a bit more easy going.

Friday, I didn't come into the office at all. I felt horrible! The cold was in my lungs most of the weekend and I stayed medicated and high, while hubby took wonderful care of me. He cooked and cooked so that meals would be available for the whole of th week. What an angel! It was also his weekend off, so he helped with the babe while I rested (My hero!). I'm still coughing a lot, but I do feel much better than I did Friday or Saturday. Resting at night is a trial. I spend it coughing and running to the bathroom (to spare detail, I'll just say that my gag reflex is pretty sensitive). Hubby would wake up and ask me if I was alright. It was a game for me, at times...how long could I go before submitting to coughing hysterics. My eyes watering and my throat burning, it would never last very long.

Monday, I weighed and was 3.5 pounds down from last week. I hope this trend continues (even after I become healthy again). The sucky part is that I can't workout right now. A few minutes on the treadmill and I'd probably cough up a lung...literally! Hubby, the babe and I went shopping a bit yesterday and just walking around the store could prove troublesome. It comes in waves...for a long while I'll go without coughing at all. As soon as it starts, I'm hacking and hacking like a smoker trying to quit. It's annoying, more than anything. I just want it to go away completely.

I watched many a movie this weekend. I know I haven't updated that page in a while, so I'll give my reviews here:

976-EVIL - What a joke! My hubby has this as part of our collection for nostaglia purposes. That's good because there is no validity to this movie whatsoever! The geeky lead, Stephen Geoffreys (now, gay porn star) can't hold this garbage together no matter how effective his acting. Everyone comes across unbelievable and goofy (especially the religious crazed, abusive mother Lucy) What a joke! Still, if you love 80's camp-horror and can handle it for "just fun's sake", then check this one out. Be warned, it probably won't scare you.

The Dunwich Horror - It's interesting that I watched this one. Sandra Dee passed away this weekend. Erie! This is a very different horror film and probably scared the wits out of folks in the 60's. It plays out like a horror novel (and is probably based on one). It was Sandra's last feature film and kicked off Dean Stockwell's career as a character actor. Basically, a young college girl (Sandra Dee) and her friends (another young girl and a librarian/professor/historian) meet up with a historian (Dean Stockwell), of sorts, who is very interested in a priceless book. He succeeds in "hypnotizing" the young girl and finagles it so that she must spend the weekend with him. Meanwhile, we find out that the Dean's character is hated by everyone in the town and is considered a devil worshipper. Not deterred, they begin to fall for each other and Dean's true reason for "kidnapping" the young girl becomes apparent.

Boogie Nights - I don't know why this movie fascinates me so. Mark Whalberg leads an all star cast (Burt Reynolds, Heather Graham, Julianne Moore, Don Cheadle) in this tale about a nobody (Eddie) who becomes a huge somebody (Dirk Diggler) within the porn industry. It lays out the naive, yet driven personalities of these people and how their ignorance to the world outside of their own works to cripple them. I'm not sure if porn stars are really like this, but if they are, heaven help them. It wouldn't' surprise me, since most of them are unable to do anything outside of this profession, once they've become entrenched in it.

The acting is great and the characters are sympathetic, despite the moral depravity.

The People Vs. Larry Flynt - One of Woody Harrelson's best films! He is Larry Flynt. Courtney Love as Althea Flynt is excellent as well. Somebody needs to tell this girl that acting is her calling (cause it sure as heck ain't singing). Larry starts out as poor country boy who ends of the king of smut. Along the way, he teaches the judicial system a thing or two about the first amendment. A very good movie, but I wouldn't use it as a pure source of historical documentation. There are lots of holes, but probably due to the focus of the film.

Casino - Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci and Sharon Stone as criminals trying to succeed in Las Vegas. I just don't buy Mr. Italian himself as a jewishman, but whatever. The acting is superb and the film stands out as great mobster movie, with a twist (don't watch this if you can't handle a lot of strong language and violence). One of Sharon's best films to date!

Foxes - Jody Fisher was pretty much a seasoned actress (at 18) when she starred in this film. It is a coming of age story, with a bit more involved. Four girls (the grounded one, the vane one, the party-girl and the virgin) at the end of high school, are struggling to hold their friendship together, while trying to assert themselves as adults. Hard lessons are learned and ultimately, they find tragedy and resolve. It was filmed in 80 so, don't expect miracles; however, I think it's a worthy watch.

Mr. 3000 - Cute movie, starring Bernie Mac. Very predictable, but fun till the end. Not as much laugh-out-loud hilarity as I thought there would be. Angela Bassett isn't as over-the-top in this one, but I noticed age catching up with her in this one (not sure why, but it was very apparent).

Yesterday morning, I woke up with the the yucky stuff in my throat. I dismissed it as morning phlem, brushed my teeth, gargled and called it good. By around 8ish, the yuck had returned (accompanied by the scratchy feeling I get when a cold is about to settle in on me). After battling for another hour or two, I felt the cold make a home in my throat. Ugh! By the time I got home, I was miserable. I ate soup, a small slice of bread and a bit of Wheat Chex for desert (believe it or not) and followed it with Tylenol Night Time (w/cool burst). I was asleep before the American Idol credits began to roll.

This morning, I woke up still heavy with the meds, and got on the scale (two pounds down from yesterday). Well, I'm sure it's all water weight but, no complaints here. I'm sure I'll level off by tomorrow. For now, I'm still feeling like a zombie and wish I could be home; however, I'll probably get more rest here because if I were at home, the babe would be home with me...driving me absolutely batty and I wouldn't get any rest anyway. Oh, well. Such is the life of a mother. (We also have visitors coming in from out of town in my office. I'm looking better than I feel, that's for sure).

Let's hope the day goes fast so I can go home and go to bed.

Down a pound and a half from yesterday (of course, it could be all the water I packed on during TOM, but who cares! It makes me and the scale much more friendly). I am focused, though. Here's what I had yesterday:

Morning (around 7ish) 1 packet of plain oatmeal with splenda sprinkled on top
1 cup of Nescafe Frothe, Amaretto Cappuccino

Mid-day (around 10:30) - one serving of honey/garlic powder and onion powder pretzels

Lunch (12:30 ish after the gym) - Ginger Tofu Shrimp and rice bowl

Dinner (5:45 ish) - 2 Morning Star Farms Charbroiled "Chik'n" (Soy) patties with BBQ sauce
1 serving of reduced-fat Tostitos

8/8 ounces of water

This was a bit slim, compared to what I normally eat. I usually get in one more snack but missed it. I've got my carrots and apple today. I've almost sucked down 32 ounces of water (I had 16 before I left the house this morning). Overall, I'm sure the eating along with all the water is cleansing me of every naughty tidbit I packed on during the holidays. Let's hope so!

Yesterday, I began working on an online course (offered through our University). I worked for about forty-five minutes and the time just flew! Very different from a traditional classroom. Forty-five minutes in a lecture-led room would have lasted eons and I still would have had ten more minutes worth of lecturing to listen too. This was not the case in my creative writing classes. Those were much more fun and not really lecture-based (but I digress). I'm going to work on some more during my lunch hour today, since I seem to be catching a cold. I'm putting up a good fight, but I can feel the cold in my throat (that's how I know...the scratchy stuff appears in my throat as the first sign, along with the extra thick mucusy feeling (sorry for the visual). Then the sneezing follows soon after, followed by the insistent coughing that hangs on for two weeks or so.). It's snowing right now and I don't want to work out, shower and come out in that weather with a wet head. I'll save it up for this evening and walk on the treadmill instead. At least then I'll be inside. Hopefully, I won't be feeling crappy by then so I can still work in the workout.

I actually have tons of taffy and peanut brittle sitting on my desk to share with folks in my office. I haven't even touched it! The peanut brittle was calling my name, then I just drank down 8 ounces of water really fast. You know, that really works (most of the time). Well, I better get back to work and stuff, since it's so much fun.

Confident, brassy, sassy, motivated, rejuvenated, empowered, special, lovely...I'm feeling it. Not sure where it's coming from. Maybe it's the half pound that disappeared. Maybe it was the hot night I had with my hubby or maybe it's just the rededication I've made to getting this weight off forever. Whatever it is, I'm enjoying it. I hope no one tries to steal my joy today, I'm feeling sassy enough to tell him/her off!

It's snowing big time here today. It took me almost forty minutes to get into town today (normally, it takes 25 minutes). Crazy! The flakes were huge and sticky. There was some black ice on the highway as well, so everyone slowed down to a snail's crawl to compensate. Of course, I can't complain. If there's one state of driving that Utahns can handle it's snowy driving (they just can't drive during the spring, summer or fall or when it rains. And blinkers? Fugetaboutit!). I'm hoping it calms down before I have to go to the gym, or at least before I have to go home and drive in it. Actually, I'm looking out of my boss's window and all seems pretty clear right now. Man, I can't wait until spring!

I was thinking about making my own Easter dress this year...something vintage. I don't know. I haven't decided. It would be cool, since my goal is to be a size down. I'm looking at the dresses from the 50s , something swingy but not too pretentious. Like I said, I'm not sure if I'll do it but I thought it would be such a springy and happy thing to do for a dress this year.

The sun is trying to peek through the clouds. I'm very happy to see it. Happy Tuesday!

Oh, glorious, oh so commercial Valentine's day! How I used to loathe you so! Yes. It's true. There was a period in my life where I actually hated this holiday. I would even wear black in protest. This was my I-hate-all-the-men-but-wish-I-had-one time of my life. After my hubby, things changed drastically. In fact, it was the first holiday we celebrated, after becoming a couple (boyfriend/girlfriend). Last night, he presented me with about $50 in Victoria's Secret lotions. Yum! (Pure Seduction, Romantic Wish and Sweet Temptation) I gave him a copy of Elf on DVD and Dodgeball (which I discovered we already have) and a new, Faberware rice steamer. He's a brown rice eating whore, so I thought this was appropriate. Our current steamer can make about two cups, where his new one can make twenty. He was most pleased (believe it or not).

I am so freaking focused today! There is truly something to be said about the power of the mind and how we can execute our control. I made up my mind over the weekend to really get serious again with my eating habits. Since I know have a WW calculator, I am no longer keeping my spreadsheet; however, I will keep it close by for reference. It's good to see where you once were and how you got there. So truly, I am talking serious focus here. I've totally psyched myself and feel good about my mind set. I've got some "muses" to help me along and will look back to them frequently for inspiration. Godspeed to me!

The Grammys were great last night! I was most pleased with the music, musicians and the exceptional hostess (I just love Queen Latifah and what a voice!). She's a b-girl at heart, but can still kick up the glam; she keeps it real without sounding ignorant and she's one classy lady. I admire her in so many ways. She was a terrific pick! As for the Oscars being hosted by Chris Rock, I seriously have my doubts. I hope he can pull it off.

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

That's what I've had for the past few days. Saturday the 5th, we decided to enjoy the unusually warm weather we were experiencing and go to the park. Although thoroughly bundled up, I believe this is how the babe caught her contagion. We went home after about thirty minutes and the following day, after naptime, she had a 102.5 fever. Yikes! I kept her home Monday and watched the fever go up and down, in conjunction with the Children's Motrin I was giving her. As soon as that stuff wore off, she was back in 102 town again, poor thing. Tuesday, it was better and she seemed to be feeling more like herself. Yesterday, I went ahead and took her to daycare, even though she woke up with a 100.9 temp. I called the daycare at around noonish to find out how things were going. All was well and she was currently taking her nap. If anything happens, in terms of her fever, it will happen after nap," the director told me. I received no phone calls and picked up a happy, but very tired babe.

So, I've decided it's time to get serious about this....this weight thing. I've plateaued again and this time, I'm lingering closer to the 170 neighborhood, rather than the 150 like before. I am still eating a bit more and I'm attributing it to the fact that I have gone soup crazy, over the past few days. I don't know what it is about cold weather or beautiful, pristine snowy days that makes me want to gorge on chowdery soups like there's no tomorrow. It's been blissful, but damaging (I know). I've got to get a hold of myself, seriously! Hubby still thinks I don't eat enough. He's probably right, in one respect: I don't eat enough of the right foods. I definitely need more protein and less carbs in my diet. I'm no Atkins or south beach buff. I believe everything in balance, which means you should have a decent amount of carbs; however, I tend to go way overboard in that department. Secondly, I've also noted that I need a good multivitamin, too. I don't get nearly enough of the "good stuff" and hubby has agreed to help me pick out a good one.

Finally, I've got to shake things up with my workouts again. I saw majorly wonderful results when I was doing TheFirm (not the newest, infomercial crazy ones, but the classics). I pay attention because I know the 80's run didn't realize that jarring your joints is not a good thing, so I compensate but I have to say, the earlier ones are the most fun to watch (especially if your an 80's hound like I am). I know that people think the Mansion-like set and over-caked make-up is way over the top, but I think it adds to the charm of the productions. The music is a bit wacky at times too. Who cares! Susan Harris rocks! My butt (and everything else for that matter) never looked better than when I was doing her tapes on a regular basis. (I wish they would convert the old ones to DVD too.) The only thing I hate is that I know my weight loss will stop again, as my body adds muscle. Ugh! The scale will not be my friend for a while.

My plan is to get a fresh start this weekend. I'll begin with Susan's original workout and go half-amped as the informational portion of the tape suggests. There will be two to three days of soreness and I don't want to compound the agony by trying to be Wonder Woman. Then, I will slowly work in the tape a couple of times a week, while continuing my cardio training (I haven't decided how may days a week I will do that. I'll probably stagger it a bit, and give my body time to recover).

Well, I'll keep as current a post as I can while I "shake it up" over here. I do have a mini-goal in mind: to be able to pick out an Easter dress in at least one size smaller than I am now. That gives me a little more than a month. I believe that is totally reasonable.

P.S. Oh, and just to prove that I'm really not a complete moron, the link above does give an option for The Firm, DVD purchase. :-)

It's a new month and I'm feeling great! I worked out yesterday morning and this morning. The plan was to pull double-duty everyday this week, to make up for last week's birthday excitement (that means morning and mid-day workouts); however, I haven't made good on that goal. Yesterday, even though I brought my healthy and nutritious lunch, I opted to take my husband out to lunch at the Firehouse. It was yummy and I ate well to boot! A blackened chicken sandwich with homestyle fries. Okay, maybe I should have had the side-salad instead of the fries, but I figured a small order wouldn't kill me. I left my workout bag here to use for today's lunch instead.

I've been browsing some other blogs this morning and found a couple of interesting ones. I won't list them because I haven't "connected" yet to them. You know, found that something within the writing that reaches your own soul? Once I have that, I'll be sure to share the links. It's also occurred to me that I haven't updated the movies page in a long while. I'll try and tackle that today or tomorrow (lots of meetings coming up so, we'll see how that goes).

I'll be sending my girlfriend my measurements for my bride's maid dress the middle of this month. I think I'll go a couple inches less of what my actual measurements are, considering I plan on being a more svelte me by then (July). I figure, I'd rather go a couple inches less than end up looking like a chocolate bar trapped in a blue tent at her wedding. Yikes! She says she wants us to look sexy and I'm sure sexy doesn't include, "with a side of frumpy."

Hubby and I are still dealing with the issues. Will we move? Will we stay? Will my job allow me to work from home after all? Will I have to take a part-time job? Will I lose my house forever, along with my beautiful dog and cats? Is an apartment in the future for the current homeowners? Oh, boy. I girl could go mad from all the drama! I'm hanging tough and trying to stay strong through it all. I'm also praying a lot. Whether you meditate, pray or chant, please send some of those positive vibes my way. This sister is in definite need.

It's official. I am now thirty years old. Do I feel different? Nah. I've been feeling thirty since around September. It's cool and I'm so cool with it. Actually, it's a great deal better than being twenty, when you're unsure of who you are and where you're going and what in the world your purpose is. I still feel that some times, but I'm definitely more sure of myself.

Yesterday, I received the most beautiful, purple, potted tulips from a coworker. I also received a bottle of champagne from my side-kick, who now works with me. Then, a big bunch took me to lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, Cafe Trang (It's a Vietnamese/vegetarian bistro that has the world's best lo mein, truly!). My hubby took me to McGrath's Fish House, which was wonderful and romantic. I had their Crab Celebration special which was absolutely to die for! I swear, I could eat crabs everyday. When we lived in Florida, I could never get enough. (Thank goodness their good for you.) Afterwards, we indulged in the Apple Crisp and shared it for dessert. When we got home, I turned down the covers to get into bed and out popped the first and second seasons of Seinfeld. Altogether, I'd say it was a red-letter birthday. I'm looking forward to the future and all it has to offer, especially since this year will prove to be the most bewildering (but exciting) year I've had in a long time.

I'll be at the gym during lunch and I plan on hitting the forty-five minute mark today. It should help in breaking down yesterday's splurges. Thank the Lord I've survived another year.

It's an amazing concept, and a difficult place to achieve. I find that there are times in my life where I feel peace, and I'm not confusing this with contentment. This peace that sometimes settles upon me is much more profound and invigorating than contentment. With contentment, there's the slightest bit of "what if I had.." lurking behind it. This time, I drove to my peace.

The past few days, here in the valley, have been quite mucky. We've had a nasty inversion (for those of you who do not pine away your days watching the weather channel, I'll give you the gist of an inversion). A high pressure front will sometimes move over our state. When this happens, it's like a blockade for everything else, including moisture (that's snow and rain). This front will actually trap in all of the smog and yuck for days, sometimes weeks without any sign of relief. It usually takes another pressure front (low) or a serious storm or wind to push it away. We've been suffering with this one for about two weeks. All the stuff in the air can make you cough something wicked and it keeps the sun at bay, which can aid in the winter blahs. Friday, I'd had enough and had decided that I would drive up into the mountains to get away from it for a bit.

Saturday morning, the babe and I set out for our adventure. We've made this drive plenty of times but, I wanted to make a couple of stops first. I succeeded in getting us very lost in the process, but eventually made my way of Weber canyon. Breathtaking! Every time we make this drive I am amazed at how beautiful it is. Of course, I didn't think to bring my camera but I have taken loads of pictures of it in the past. Anyway, we made our way up and out of all of the smog. The narrow winding road widened to expose a very frozen lake and beautiful snow capped mountains. The babe and I stopped at the end of the canyon and had lunch in an old, rustic log-cabin cafe. A roaring fire awaited, along with wonderful hot, creamy potato soup.

After lunch, we continued our drive to Huntsville, making our way to the monastery. The land was wide and vast, covered in snow and glistening under the bright sun light. It was magnificent. We exited the car and went to the gift shop, just at the opening of the dormitory. Father Patrick greeted us with a smile and allowed us to roam the shop freely. I picked up a St. Francis of Assisi medallion (I am not catholic, but he is the patron saint of animals and I've always felt close to him) and a prayer book for the babe. I also purchased honey that the trappists monks there make. Once we made our purchases, Father Patrick allowed us to visit the church. We entered the cathedral to complete silence. At the back (front) of the building was very crystalline, blue and red stained glass with the image of the virgin Mary and the baby Jesus. Flecks of gold could be seen around their heads in halo form. Just beneath the glass was an alter and to the left and right, folded seats for the choir. Several pews were located on each side of the church, with kneeling benches. Above was a balcony where several folded, wooden chairs were housed. The babe marveled while I took in it's simple beauty. We wandered around for about ten minutes, then left. The perfect ending to a lovely day.

Something settled over my heart while I was there, and it didn't surprise me in the least. There must be an amazing amount of positive energy within and around a place like this, with all the praying that is done on a day-to-day basis. I would guess that the men who live within those walls must be happy in a way that most people have never experienced. I admire their lifestyles, but I don't believe it is something I could ever do. Not because it isn't within me to do it, but because I enjoy mankind too much to be completely separated from it. As crazy as humanity can be, I don't want to be apart from it.

The weekend went well. I showed more control than I've shown over a weekend in a long time. I weighed today and showed a bit of a loss. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am allowing myself to enjoy it, but I will try not to go too overboard. I'm still aiming for complete fabulousness.

It's the 21st...hallelujah! Finally out of that blasted, stifling Capricorn period. Now, I can be expressive, inventive and carefree...well, at least I have an excuse to try to be expressive, inventive and carefree.

Hubby and I are talking again, thank God! It was a soulful night of reaching out that we had last night. We're both sad about the impending loss of our house, but are happy about making a new start. Man, it sounds like we're filing bankruptcy or something. Trust me, we haven't resorted to those measures and I sure hope we never do. We've just determined that selling our house and moving back into an apartment was the best way to conserve money and allow me the ability to work part time, in order to see to the Babe's needs once school starts. All this will have to happen before August, of course. January is nearly over. I've got a pretty good idea of how fast August will get here. A new spice to the pot? We're leaving Utah...I think. Well, I told hubby that I was okay now with moving, if that was something he still wanted to do. I think it rejuvenated him because he called and had all these ideas of places were we could go. Places with warmer climates and less snow, places where black people aren't stared at like freaks at a freak show, places where mormons and conservatives do not reign. I, myself had done my own bit of research. If we had our druthers, we'd want to be in California. I hope that can happen for us, but who knows. We're pretty flexible. As long as there's steady work and good schools, we'll be fine.

I'm really doing well (the control thing again). I've decided that weekends will be the ultimate test, since I tend to lax so much during those troublesome days each week. I know if I can maintain my drive and control during Saturday and Sunday, it will only help to aid in the process. I've seen it before! Just looking at my spreadsheet tells me that the most dramatic losses occurred when I was drinking my water regularly, exercising and maintaining my diet for an entire 7-day week period.

It was a pretty good day, overall. I've got a lot on my mind with all the talk of moving, but I'm continuing to look forward to the future. I knew this year would bring change, but boy, the changes that are to be had!