It really worked out quite well that my last loading day would be today. I wore my costume to work, coming in tow with Lofthouse cookies for the guys and a lovely, French toast breakfast. For lunch? I picked up some fabulous Greek food. I then baked a Kahlua cake for my daughter's, Girl Scout Halloween party.

At the party, the girls painted pumpkins and participated in a "Pop Walk" (similar to a cake walk; just soda bottles as rewards instead). After which, they nibbled on a variety of candies, cakes and treats. We came home and watched a bit of television before going back out to pick up pizzas for dinner. Pizzas promptly scarfed down, I indulged in a piece of my own cake.

Why all the food talk today? Well, I was disappointed (?) to find that my weight had not changed this morning, even after some pretty serious indulging. I figured that I didn't get in enough so I made sure to eat and eat and eat today. I don't know that I'm finished yet, but I will post what I've had so far (I think a little Halloween candy may be in my future).

Here's what I've had so far:

October 31st, 2014 Write in your diary: How do you feel today?

Calorie Goal: 1,173 Calories Consumed: 3,853 Calories Burned: 0 Net Calories: 3,853

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Bob Evans French Toast	1.00	356	19g	25mg	513mg	36g	0g	0g	10g
Wampler's Farm Sausage Breakfast Patties	1.00	120	11g	25mg	135mg	0g	0g	0g	5g
Vermont Maid Maple Syrup	1.00	210	0g	0mg	25mg	53g	41g	41g	0g
Butter	2.00	200	22g	60mg	164mg	0g	0g	0g	4g
Scrambled Eggs	2.00	182	13g	480mg	176mg	2g	2g	0g	12g
Gyro	1.00	585	26g	118mg	434mg	40g	0g	3g	38g
Greek-style Lemon Potatoes	1.00	185	6g	13mg	953mg	30g	0g	2g	6g
Greek lemon rice	1.00	147	15g	44mg	927mg	3g	1g	0g	1g
Fanta Grape Soda	1.00	180	0g	0mg	35mg	48g	48g	0g	0g
Papa Murphys Peperoni Pizza	2.00	558	27g	72mg	1,412mg	1,597g	13g	1g	26g
Papa Murphy's All Meat Delite Thin Crust Pizza	3.00	576	32g	102mg	1,236mg	41g	6g	1g	32g
Wonder Woman's Kahlua Cake	1.00	554	35g	87mg	597mg	57g	34g	2g	7g
Totals		Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
		3,853	205g	1,026mg	6,607mg	1,907g	145g	49g	140g

Again, I was 186 pounds (again) this morning. I'm nearly positive that will not be the case tomorrow.

Today started like the others; challenging. It's always a struggle and yet I'm always surprised when it happens. I have the best intentions of eating everything-under-the-sun and then I'm amazed and perplexed by how much I don't want to eat. The daily plate will have the information from here on out, but today, I'll just list what I had (a little bit of background though - I've been sick with the crud and have been on a myriad of immune boosters and meds to try to get myself healthy before the VLCDs arrive. This always results in a huge retention in water and salt):

Breakfast:

7-Eleven Medium-sized Vanilla Cappuccino
1 ginormous apple fritter
1 Jack Link's Lil' Chub


Lunch:
Asian buffet take-home container (rice noodles, stir-fried rice and ham, one spring roll, one egg roll, two cheese wontons, sweet and sour chicken (1/2 serving) and 1 serving of General Tso's chicken

Dinner:

Breakfast for dinner
6 slices of bacon
2 buttered slices of cinnamon bun/cinnamon bread
1 packet instant grits

I was 186 this morning.

I don't know why I'm still amazed, as if anything things will be so different from round to round. I eat and don't want to. I gorge until I'm overflowing and just so miserable. Yesterday, the indigestion came on shortly after I posted. I took a few tums and prayed for immediate relief. It came in the form of two voids. Two! Then, I had crazy dreams from all the sugar and craziness I ate. I suspect I'll have a lot of the same issues today (at least, the weird dreams). I'm thinking the probiotic I took this morning may aid with any digestion woes. We'll soon see.

The only real discrepancy below is that I had Black Forest Cake wine, but couldn't find it in the daily plate database. No idea how many calories, but I guess it truly doesn't matter. It does look like this, however:

February 18th, 2014

Calorie Goal: 1,160 Calories Consumed: 3,292 Calories Burned: 0 Net Calories: 3,292

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Krispy Kreme Apple Fritter	1.00	380	21g	5mg	290mg	46g	23g	2g	4g
Bar-S smoked bacon	3.00	240	21g	45mg	840mg	0g	0g	0g	12g
7-Eleven French Vanilla Cappucino	1.00	160	6g	3mg	150mg	26g	19g	0g	0g
Pei Wei Chicken Pad Thai	1.00	720	20g	165mg	2,570mg	105g	31g	3g	35g
Storck Toffifay	2.00	400	22g	10mg	100mg	50g	36g	2g	4g
Coconut Chicken	1.00	381	8g	104mg	125mg	42g	0g	3g	31g
Cooked Brown Basmati Rice	2.00	432	4g	0mg	20mg	90g	2g	8g	10g
Trader Joe's Garlic Naan	2.00	380	6g	0mg	780mg	74g	2g	4g	8g
Smirnoff Watermelon Vodka	1.00	69	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Pomegranate Wine (dessert Wine)	1.00	130	0g	0mg	8mg	10g	0g	0g	0g
Totals		Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
		3,292	108g	332mg	4,883mg	443g	113g	22g	104g

I weighed in at 183.8lbs this morning. Phew! That's the end of loading, now here comes the challenging part. I'm preparing for the next three days. Ready, set, go!

That's about how I feel; all full of air and juice. It's the same every time. As soon as I inject, I don't want the food, but I have to keep eating. Then, on the third day, I'm aching for all this yummy stuff I'm giving up. Is it worth it? You better believe it!

I cleared about 3500 calories today. Yep! An entire pound worth of calories. I don't know how body builders eat like this day in and day out. Well, not exactly like this. Their menu is full of healthy food, while mine looks like something you find at the city dump. Yikes! I had a weight of 181.6 this morning. Again, the loading really started last Friday with my Valentine's trip (sans injections). I can only hope that it's all for the greater good. Here's what I had:

February 17th, 2014

Calorie Goal: 1,147 Calories Consumed: 3,475 Calories Burned: 0 Net Calories: 3,475

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Denny's Denny's Hearty Wheat Pancakes	1.00	310	2g	15mg	950mg	64g	2g	8g	10g
Denny's Scrambled Eggs	1.00	250	21g	455mg	380mg	1g	0g	0g	13g
Denny's Sausage, 4 links	0.50	177	16g	15mg	472mg	0g	0g	0g	8g
Denny's Maple-Flavored Syrup	3.00	429	0g	0mg	78mg	108g	84g	0g	0g
Dark Chocolate Raisinette	1.00	180	8g	5mg	5mg	32g	26g	2g	2g
Wendy's Chicken Sandwich - Spicy	1.00	440	16g	60mg	1,300mg	46g	6g	3g	28g
Culver's French Fries (Small)	1.00	279	14g	0mg	274mg	26g	0g	2g	4g
AriZona Beverage Cherry Lime Rickey	1.00	70	0g	0mg	10mg	19g	18g	0g	0g
Mars Milkyway Simply Caramel	1.00	250	11g	5mg	60mg	37g	31g	0g	2g
Chicken Curry	1.00	293	16g	0mg	0mg	11g	0g	2g	38g
Ham Fried Rice	2.00	558	20g	30mg	1,636mg	74g	0g	0g	20g
Storck Toffifay	1.00	170	9g	0mg	30mg	21g	16g	2g	2g
UV Vodka Blue Raspberry 60 Proof	1.00	69	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Totals		Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
		3,475	132g	585mg	5,195mg	439g	183g	19g	127g

 

Tomorrow, I'm having lunch with a friend at Pei Wei. Better to sneak that in during the loading process, then wait until the end of March and have her wonder why I brushed her off in February (we have monthly "meals" together). It's a great tradition we've engaged in for the past year. So glad this is a short round. Here we go!

I guess the Wii really set me up. Strangely, I was a bit weirded out by the loss. I'm supposed to be gaining weight right now, not losing it. The number this morning told me that the eating needed to be bolstered a bit. I did much better today with loading, so much so that I feel a bit ill. Ugh! Too much food. From the Denny's grand slam to the rich, Chinese dishes I had for dinner. I caped everything off with my last tequila sunrise for a while.

The daily plate is not allowing me to copy and paste, as it once did using Mozilla. Below is what I was able to lift using IE instead. Not as neat, but at least it's history of what I did:

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Denny's Whole Wheat Pancakes	1.00	388	2g	19mg	1,188mg	80g	3g	10g	0g
Denny's Scrambled Eggs	1.00	250	21g	455mg	380mg	1g	0g	0g	13g
Denny's Sausage, 4 links	0.50	177	16g	15mg	472mg	0g	0g	0g	8g
Whipped Butter	1.00	70	7g	20mg	55mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Vermont Maid Maple Syrup	1.00	210	0g	0mg	25mg	53g	41g	41g	0g
Wendy's Crispy Chicken Sandwhich	1.00	340	14g	40mg	810mg	36g	4g	1g	18g
Tater Tots	1.00	170	8g	0mg	420mg	20g	0g	2g	2g
Sonic Small Strawberry Slush	1.00	227	0g	0mg	5mg	59g	58g	0g	0g
Chinese Sweet & Sour Chicken	1.00	346	18g	61mg	677mg	29g	0g	0g	17g
Almond Boneless Chicken, Chinese Food	1.00	200	5g	10mg	300mg	56g	0g	0g	0g
Egg Roll	1.00	372	17g	29mg	0mg	43g	0g	2g	13g
Krispy Kreme Apple Fritter	1.00	380	21g	5mg	290mg	46g	23g	2g	4g
Bar - Generic Tequila Sunrise	1.00	200	0g	0mg	7mg	26g	18g	0g	0g
Tropicana Tropical Punch	1.00	120	0g	0mg	5mg	31g	30g	0g	0g
Tropicana Tropical Punch	1.00	120	0g	0mg	5mg	31g	30g	0g	0g
Totals		Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
		3,570	129g	654mg	4,639mg	510g	207g	58g	75g

Tomorrow begins my VLCD one and I've prepared all my meals for the week. They consist of browned stew beef and cabbage or cod and canned tomatoes. I also purchased apples and grapefruit. Although it's not a very thrilling list of foods, you really don't have to put a lot of effort into what you're going to have. I'll be cooking the other main food groups for the kids and will again learn to live vicariously from the smells. Let the fun begin!

My package arrived on January 11th, but I wasn't here to receive it by hand from the postman. So, the little slip they left asked me to pick up after 9:00am on January 12th (which I did). I haven't been very good at preparing this time around (physically and somewhat mentally). So much going on with Indy's birthday party and the kids being out of school for the long weekend (one day earlier than most, thank you very much Davis School District) and trying to figure out how to mix and not screw it up for the sublingual route I've chosen to take this time.

Last night, I gathered all my stuff along with my computer and viewed how to mix for sublingual with 100proof Vodka. All went well and I started to feel the excitement of starting this journey again. So much of this process and making it work is a mental drive. Thankfully, I didn't need much for that to kick in. Unfortunately, when I stepped on the scale this morning, I thought I would pass out: 197.4 pounds. Are you freaking kidding me?! I knew it was bad, but not that bad. To even type the number here is sobering. I am certainly glad I have the protocol as an option, otherwise I might melt into a puddle on the floor. I am really, truly praying for guidance and the ability to sustain and maintain my normal weight, once this is all over. That is what seems to be the hardest (and can be for any type of diet or eating plan). The yoyo-ing and cycles must end and it's definitely up to me.

I had my first dose this morning and my second dose 12 hours later. It was so weird for me to wrap my head around holding something in my mouth, rather than injecting. I was also very skeptical, despite all the success so many have had with this format. By the time I was working, I knew it had worked! I wasn't the least bit hungry. In fact, as I prepared breakfast for me and my girls, I wondered if I could even get through the meal. I forced myself as I don't want the drama that comes with poor loading. I need this to work correctly (especially after today's weigh-in). Okay, enough about that number already. I'm taking steps to make it go away.

Indy had her birthday and it was as much fun for me as it was for the parents. We had a blast playing just dance and drinking wine. Oh, the wine. Is there a low sugar wine that I can get away with on protocol? I gotta find one! Here's what I managed to force down today:

Daily Intake Totals

Cals

3089

Fat

117 g

Cholesterol

240 mg

Sodium

3212 mg

Carbs

390 g

Fiber

9 g

Protein

89 g

Sugars

198 g

We were dancing around like crazy tonight. I'm supposed to gain, but I won't be surprised if I lose.

I'm a stuffed tick again, after having eaten my way through a small country. Ugh! My stomach looks like I'm about six months pregnant. Total gorge today and very difficult to do with the HCG in my system. Here's what load day number two looked like:

Net calories: 3,587

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
Your diary is currently set to public. Make my diary public to all members

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Marie Callender's Pancake Combo	1.00	620	5g	0mg	1,040mg	92g	0g	0g	0g
Texas Roadhouse Steak Fries	1.00	240	6g	0mg	340mg	17g	1g	2g	2g
Denny's Senior Chicken Fried Steak	1.00	341	18g	27mg	943mg	29g	1g	2g	16g
Gyro	1.00	585	26g	118mg	434mg	40g	0g	3g	38g
Roasted Rosemary Potatoes	1.00	120	3g	0mg	589mg	18g	0g	4g	4g
Mr. Greek Mr. Greek Rice	1.00	281	5g	0mg	134mg	53g	0g	1g	6g
Nestle's Drumstick	1.00	340	21g	20mg	90mg	33g	24g	0g	5g
Apple Fritter	1.00	650	26g	0mg	1,020mg	91g	13g	0g	0g
red wine	1.00	85	0g	0mg	6mg	2g	0g	0g	0g
margarita	1.00	325	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		3,587	110g	165mg	4,596mg	375g	39g	11g	70g

The Marie Callender's meal may be a bit off, since I couldn't locate the "Magnificent Six" on the food diary. I figured the combo would be close enough. I awakened to 179.2 this morning. That's a gain of one pound since yesterday.

Despite feeling like one of Wilbur's cousins, I had a wonderful day today. I have this new outlook on life that I've adopted (see It's a New Day site) and it's really working for me. The notebook I've started is going to be wonderful for visualization. I haven't started on the physical me page, but I'll work on it tomorrow. Tomorrow will be just as wonderful today, if not better. Here's to round four!

I think, technically, it's like loading day five. When I'm on the rag and thereafter, I tend to binge and it's been in a big way this time. Holy cow! The weight I saw this morning made me want to cry, (178.2) but I'm remaining positive. It's all for the greater good. The protocol even encourages additional days of loading. I also realize that there's water weight from TOM which (hopefully) will disappear along with the loading weight. Again, remaining positive.

Hubby came home today from his show. Before he left, he knew I'd be starting my loading on the day of his return, so we planned for a dinner out. Texas Roadhouse! Oh, man! The rolls and butter are like crack to me. I'm truly a carb-addict. I know like I know like I know I've got to be free of this for a while to regain my focus. No time like the present.

Giving myself an injection this morning was a little tricky. I don't really care for the syringes/needles I have because their a bit on the thick side and I can feel them. I've got to really find a "fatty" area in order to avoid feeling the prick. The first batch of needles I had were great, but measuring was difficult. There's got to be a happy medium. Unfortunately, I bought the latest set in bulk. I hope I won't ever need to buy more, but if I do, I'm open to feedback from those who have found the happy medium.

So, before I settle in for a night of rolling around like a stuffed-tick, here's what I had today:

Net calories: 3,034

Write in your diary: How do you feel today?

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
Your diary is currently set to public. Make my diary public to all members

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Hardee's Sausage & Egg Biscuit	2.00	1,220	88g	470mg	2,580mg	72g	8g	0g	34g
Hardee's Cinnamon N Raisin Biscuit	1.00	140	6g	0mg	325mg	20g	9g	0g	2g
Texas Roadhouse Steak Fries	0.50	120	3g	0mg	170mg	9g	1g	1g	1g
Texas Roadhouse Mock Rolls	4.00	908	44g	152mg	1,076mg	112g	16g	4g	20g
Denny's Senior Chicken Fried Steak	1.00	341	18g	27mg	943mg	29g	1g	2g	16g
Archer Farms Strawberry Lemonade	2.00	220	0g	0mg	10mg	52g	48g	1g	0g
red wine	1.00	85	0g	0mg	6mg	2g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		3,034	159g	649mg	5,110mg	296g	82g	8g	73g

Again, I weighed in at a whopping 178.2 this morning.

It was very hard Tuesday. Eating was nearly impossible and my stomach was just out of control. My body just doesn't know what to do with that much food. Here's what I had in all it's gorging splendor:

October 26th, 2010

At the start of this day, I weighed only .2lbs more than Monday.
Calorie goal: 1,454; calories consumed: 4,232; calories burned: 0
Net calories: 4,232

Write in your diary: How do you feel today?

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
Your diary is currently set to public. Make my diary public to all members

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
IHOP Pancakes, Buttermilk	4.50	495	14g	135mg	2,025mg	77g	0g	0g	14g
Tropicana Orange Juice	2.00	220	0g	0mg	0mg	52g	44g	0g	4g
Del Taco Del Combo Burrito	2.00	1,060	44g	110mg	3,360mg	122g	8g	22g	56g
Del Taco Soft Taco	1.00	150	6g	20mg	330mg	15g	1g	2g	8g
Waitrose Chicken Saag	1.00	390	5g	0mg	0mg	55g	3g	0g	0g
Tandoor Chef Vegetable Samosa	3.00	570	30g	0mg	1,191mg	63g	3g	6g	12g
Cooked Basmati Rice (white)	2.00	410	1g	0mg	0mg	89g	0g	0g	8g
Storck Toffifay	2.45	515	27g	0mg	123mg	64g	44g	2g	7g
Seagram's Escapes Peach Fuzzy Navel	1.00	170	0g	0mg	40mg	4g	41g	0g	0g
Samosa	1.00	252	13g	0mg	0mg	28g	0g	3g	5g
Totals:		4,232	139g	265mg	7,069mg	569g	144g	35g	114g

I am, today, in the midst of the first VLCD and it's been a bit tricky. I am hungry and will probably eat ravenously at lunch and dinner (gotta remember to steam my cabbage). The injections have gone well, the past couple of days and I'm happy this is just a short round. I know the holidays are coming and I want to enjoy them, but at a comfortable size with my workouts again. I'm eager to be back in the "zone" where I was before the vacation. It will also feel good not to have my underwear strangling me.