The Weekend's a Bust

Friday evening was terrific, don't get me wrong. Hubby and I had our accountant over to complete our taxes for us. We'll be getting enough back to pay off the new appliances we bought last year and the new carpet going down in the basement. So, it's always nice to lessen a debt. After the taxes were done, hubby and I went for dinner at Golden Corral then, off to the movies to see Cursed (Wait for it to come out on video, guys. It wasn't that spectacular).

Saturday, I went over to my mother's to do my daughter's hair and to wait for her (my mom) to help me with a writing assignment I had. My sister came home, one thing led to another and I'm fleeing the seen of an assault. Lovely! Thank goodness my mother came to the rescue and I did not have to receive a citation from the police department (yep. The cops got involved). What the hell happened? I'm a calm, somewhat conservative person. I never even been in a physical confrontation before! Not even in school!! But, as I've always said, everyone has their breaking point and I hit mine on Saturday (literally). I'm not proud or glad about what happened. In fact, I was extremely upset all weekend; however, I am taking it as a learning experience. Recently, the troubles with my family have grown and I can't pinpoint why. We've always been fairly close with little to no conflict. My hubby says that my family doesn't "release" or "talk enough", which is true. We do hold too much in...especially me, when it comes to my sister. I am frank, though. I've always said that I love her, but don't like her very much. The problem exploded when my child got involved. Like a mother bear, I protected my cub to the fullest.

I decided over the weekend that I do not want a relationship with my sister any longer. In deciding this, it changes many things. I will have to change my church and remove her name from my "emergency contact list" at the babe's daycare (anyone who can degrade a child's mother in front of the child should not have contact with the child, in my opinion). I will not be going to my mother's house anymore (but I have no problem with her visiting us). My sister is no longer welcome at my home. You know, it's funny. Just before my mother left Saturday morning, she said that my sister (after agreeing to take care of my daughter Friday night) immediately "dumped" the babe on her (my mom), when she returned from her rehearsal. My mother said it reminded her of when she would go to obligations and leave my sister home with my dad. He would do the same thing when she returned.

My home-life is completely opposite. My hubby would never do such a thing. In fact, he's always trying to carve out time to see the babe. He's even admitted to being jealous of all the time the babe and I have together. In my opinion, that's a real father. (my father was never like that and still, to this day, I speak to him only a few times a year. My sister won't talk to him or my grandmother at all).

This just seems so terrible, now that I'm looking at it in black and white. What's worse is hubby tried to provide comfort by treating me and the babe to all of our favorite things to eat. Granted, they weren't all sinful (but 50% were, for sure). I stepped on the scale Sunday, but probably shouldn't use that number as a judge. I was holding water, completely sore and it was about a half hour after I woke up.

The whole of Saturday, I couldn't talk to my mom because I was talking to the cop. Then, my phone died. Then, when she tried to call me at home, I was in such a state that hubby asked her to call me back. He said that she would call me later. She hasn't called yet (it's now Monday). My fear is that, true to form, she has taken my sister's side, enabled and coddled her, now wants nothing to do with me (gosh, this is awful!!). I'm just numb about that part of it. My sister, I can deal with but my mother? Geesh! Talk about intensifying the crossroads. As if my life weren't already in a state of chaos!

I am so thankful for my husband. He left work when the crap went down to come home and take care of me. He wasn't justifying what I had done, but did remind me that I was human and that I should forgive and try to let go. Best advice, I think. I felt so bad for the babe that I apologized to her continually on the way home. I'm just so glad that she's young because an older child might have truly been traumatized (not that she isn't, but older children have a better grasp of memories). Ugh! I just don't even want to be here today, but I can't be defeated. I will do what I do and pray for better days. I have to. I don't really have a choice.