I did really well today (back on the injections) and didn't have a lot of cravings. The only time I wanted "something" was after work. It was pretty stressful at work and, like a pressure cooker, got worse and worse through the day. My coworkers (all of them) were in a funk and it just brought down the atmosphere. I thought, for an instant, "Boy, a glass of wine would be nice."

When I got home, I sent them both e-cards and tomorrow, I'm taking them little treats to cheer them up. I don't want another day like today (work wise). The good news is that I didn't give into wine temptation. We took our oldest to dance, went to a couple of stores, then came home for dinner.

Observations: Steak at lunch is very good and quite filling. I haven't had any for dinner yet. I just have this feeling that it would sit in my tummy all night long. I may try it this weekend, just to see what happens. Also, apples have quite a few carbs and that little bit of sugar seemed to make a difference in the amount of weight I lost. I've laid off of them for now. I'm sure I'll have to do my apples again later (if for nothing else then to break a stall).

March 3rd, 2010

Calorie goal: 1,174; calories consumed: 426; calories burned: 0 Net calories: 426

Mood: Motivated

Back in the 170s. Yeah! [edit this diary entry]

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Cube Steak	1.00	169	4g	77mg	38mg	0g	0g	0g	31g
Radishes	1.00	19	0g	0mg	45mg	4g	3g	2g	1g
Wasa Crackers	1.00	35	0g	0mg	60mg	7g	0g	2g	1g
Tyson Chicken Breast	1.00	110	3g	55mg	180mg	0g	0g	0g	23g
Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce	1.00	5	0g	0mg	460mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Popeye Fresh Tender Spinach	1.00	25	0g	0mg	80mg	4g	0g	2g	3g
Wasa Crackers	1.00	35	0g	0mg	60mg	7g	0g	2g	1g
Fresh Strawberries, Whole	0.50	28	0g	0mg	1mg	6g	3g	1g	1g
Folgers Classic Decaf Instant Coffee 8 oz	1.00	0	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		426	7g	132mg	924mg	28g	6g	8g	60g

Todays weight was 178.8 which made for a -1.2 loss from yesterday.

Boy oh boy, did that missed injection make a difference! This morning, I drank and drank to try and hold off the cravings. By this evening, I was hungrier than I've been in the past few days. I guess it really is making a difference. I got in my 80 ounces of water and plan to have a nice, hot cup of decaf tonight to try and relax a bit.

Discoveries - Food really rules so many aspects of my life. I noticed during the first two days how much I think about food. Food effects my day-to-day decisions. How I may view something or read something may trigger me to look for food. Intense feelings (good, bad, stressful) may have me searching for specific foods. I'm actually looking forward to when those feelings leave me completely. I will be happy to leave behind my addictions as well as all my weird emotional ties to food. Today, I've felt more in control of things (despite the cravings) and I wasn't focusing on food as much. I am looking forward to a future where I eat to live rather than live to eat. I don't doubt that I'll always enjoy food and some of it's comforts, but I'll certainly have a better relationship. Food will not be my enemy, just a friend with boundaries.

Here's what I've done for the day:

March 2nd, 2010

Calorie goal: 1,183; calories consumed: 403; calories burned: 0 Net calories: 403

Mood: Hungry

That missed injection certainly makes a difference. (I cringe to think of no injections during TOM). Perhaps, when there is more HCG in my system, I won't struggle so much. [edit this diary entry]

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Popeye Fresh Tender Spinach	1.00	25	0g	0mg	80mg	4g	0g	2g	3g
Napoleon Balsamic Vinegar	1.00	10	0g	0mg	5mg	2g	2g	0g	0g
Cube Steak	1.00	169	4g	77mg	38mg	0g	0g	0g	31g
Grape Tomatoes	1.00	25	0g	0mg	0mg	6g	3g	1g	1g
Grapefruit, Half	1.00	26	0g	0mg	0mg	7g	0g	0g	1g
Tyson Chicken Breast	1.00	110	3g	55mg	180mg	0g	0g	0g	23g
Wasa Crackers	1.00	35	0g	0mg	60mg	7g	0g	2g	1g
Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce	0.50	3	0g	0mg	230mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		403	7g	132mg	593mg	26g	5g	5g	60g

Today's weight was 180 on the nose this morning. I hate to be a cynic and a skeptic, but I don't know that I'll feel this is really happening for me for a few days. Is it awful to be thinking that this could just be water loss? I'm praying it's fat loss. Really praying. I think I'll just keep on praying. :)

It's going to be weird for me now with work. I have to drive in again and I'm none to happy about the situation. I can't do anything about it right now. The whole telecommuting and then driving the monster commute into town every day will be an adjustment. I'm just not used to it anymore.

With the protocol and doing this, I suppose it's a good time to get into habits. I drank and drank and drank today. Normally, I get in around 64 ounces of water. Today, I got in 80oz. Wonder if it will make a difference in my losses. I certainly hope so.

I think sucking down all that water while I worked helped with curbing my appetite. I also visited the potty a heck of a lot. I ate lunch at my computer and grabbed the last bottle of water on my way home. Tonight as I waited for my girls to finish bathing, I watched regular television and was bombarded by dinner-time marketing. Ugh! Something else to learn how to avoid. Those commercials are murder (Carl's Jr., Burger King, Pizza Hut, ugh!).

Here's the scoop on what I ate today:

March 1st, 2010

Calorie goal: 1,205; calories consumed: 401; calories burned: 0 Net calories: 401

Mood: Content

Better today. Hoping each day gets a little easier. [edit this diary entry]

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Popeye Fresh Tender Spinach	1.00	25	0g	0mg	80mg	4g	0g	2g	3g
Napoleon Balsamic Vinegar	1.00	10	0g	0mg	5mg	2g	2g	0g	0g
Beef Stir Fry Meat	1.00	202	9g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	28g
Old London Melba Toast	1.00	20	0g	0mg	37mg	4g	0g	1g	0g
Tilapia Fillets	1.00	93	1g	55mg	40mg	0g	0g	0g	21g
Grape Tomatoes	1.00	25	0g	0mg	0mg	6g	3g	1g	1g
Grapefruit, Half	1.00	26	0g	0mg	0mg	7g	0g	0g	1g
Totals:		401	10g	55mg	162mg	23g	5g	4g	53g

This morning's weight was 181.8, one pound down from yesterday.

Sundays are hard and probably will be for the next few weeks. Typically, we go to church then come home and go out for breakfast. Golden Corral anyone? Ah, yes. Anything with syrup is my weakness: waffles, pancakes, french toast. I love them...and I can't have them. So, I made breakfast for my girls (to a point). I pan fried their kielbasa sausage, Healthy Choice at least, then dad came in and finished up with the egg scramble because he saw I was struggling. What a guy! He's been very supportive. He finished making the eggs and I colored in the back room (stress reliever) while they ate a bit.

After about ten minutes, I felt strong enough to join them at the table. By the time they were done, it was time for lunch. I sauteed up some more radishes, heated up my chicken and nuked some sliced apples, sprinkled with stevia and cinnamon. That was tasty. Anything with sugar, even natural sugar, seems to make me happiest.

I drifted in and out of sleep on the couch, while hubby washed his car and picked up dog droppings from the yard. Most of the snow is gone, so he could actually see the piles. Nothing like Great Dane piles of poo. Poor guy. At least the Chihuahua's is barely visible. I don't think he even bothers with it.

This evening, I didn't get to eat until after 8:00pm, a mistake I hope not to repeat. I try to get everything in before 7:00pm, but we were still out shopping. I have enough protocol worthy food to last me for a while, at least. We'll see if eating later presents problems in the morning. I hope not.

I went under my calorie limit again today, but I'm not sure if that's truth or not. I think I may invest in a digital food scale soon. I'm not really trusting this "needle" one my hubby has. I'm sure it's getting me close, but I want to make sure I'm not depriving myself of needed calories and protein. Here are the stats for the day:

February 28th, 2010

Calorie goal: 1,236; calories consumed: 311; calories burned: 0
Net calories: 311

Mood: Okay

I was doing pretty well, until I had to cook sausage for my girls. Ugh! It smelled so good and I wanted to taste it so badly, but I resisted.

Later, we went to three grocery stores. Three! There were many temptations, but I resisted. [edit this diary entry]

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Tyson Chicken Breast	1.00	110	3g	55mg	180mg	0g	0g	0g	23g
Old London Melba Toast	1.00	20	0g	0mg	37mg	4g	0g	1g	0g
Radishes	1.00	19	0g	0mg	45mg	4g	3g	2g	1g
Fruit Golden Delicious Apple raw	1.00	80	1g	0mg	1mg	21g	0g	3g	0g
Celestial Seasonings Black Cherry Berry Herbal Tea	1.00	4	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Blue Star Lump Crab Meat	1.00	45	0g	65mg	220mg	0g	0g	0g	11g
Kroger Kosher Dill Spears	1.00	5	0g	0mg	220mg	1g	0g	0g	0g
Fresh Strawberries, Whole	0.50	28	0g	0mg	1mg	6g	3g	1g	1g
Totals:		311	3g	120mg	704mg	35g	6g	7g	36g

This morning's weight was 182.8 pounds. Is that for real? I made the mistake of taking a shower and weighing again. The scale bounced up 1.2 pounds. I brushed my teeth and took care of some other hygienic duties, then weighed again. This time, it was .2 pounds off. The boards say to weigh only once. Geesh! Now I know why.

Today was difficult, but better than yesterday. I slept a lot! Normally, I wake up on Saturday's as soon as I hear my girls, but this morning the clock read 8:10am. What? That's like 10 hours of sleep! I guess I needed it, so I went with it. It did push me past my normal injection time (7:30am). I voided, then went to give myself the injection. My girls fended for themselves until I awakened. I'm glad they were civil with each other. A rare treat. ;)

I had my tea and a golden delicious apple for breakfast. That was a bit different than yesterday, where I only had the coffee. I'm so used to having breakfast that the apple really helped to get me through to lunch (although I was a bit hungry). I drank my 64 ounces of water and had a mad, passionate love affair with the potty. I know that will ease as my body adjusts. It's just a bit of an annoyance for me, in the beginning of any new program.

I discovered that radishes are delightful. I drug out my food processor and sliced up one bunch. I took half and added them to a non-stick pan, with a bit of red wine vinegar, salt and pepper. I sauteed them for about 7 minutes. Yummy!

Here's what I ate today (I even took pictures, but I just haven't downloaded them yet):

February 27th, 2010

Calorie goal: 1,236; calories consumed: 441; calories burned: 0
Net calories: 441

Mood: Good

Much better today. My headache is gone and I finished my water by 5:15, which I think will keep me out of the potty in the middle of hte night. :) [edit this diary entry]

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Celestial Seasonings Black Cherry Berry Herbal Tea	1.00	4	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Fruit Golden Delicious Apple raw	1.00	80	1g	0mg	1mg	21g	0g	3g	0g
Celery, Raw (large Stalk)	1.00	9	0g	0mg	51mg	2g	1g	1g	0g
Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce	0.50	3	0g	0mg	230mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Tyson Chicken Breast	1.00	110	3g	55mg	180mg	0g	0g	0g	23g
McCormick Grill Mates Chicken Rub	1.00	15	0g	0mg	260mg	2g	0g	0g	0g
Popeye Fresh Tender Spinach	1.00	25	0g	0mg	80mg	4g	0g	2g	3g
Old London Melba Toast	1.00	20	0g	0mg	37mg	4g	0g	1g	0g
Folgers Classic Decaf Instant Coffee 8 oz	1.00	0	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Radishes	1.00	19	0g	0mg	45mg	4g	3g	2g	1g
Old London Melba Toast	1.00	20	0g	0mg	37mg	4g	0g	1g	0g
Tyson Chicken Breast	1.00	110	3g	55mg	180mg	0g	0g	0g	23g
Grapefruit, Half	1.00	26	0g	0mg	0mg	7g	0g	0g	1g
Totals:		441	6g	110mg	1,101mg	48g	4g	10g	51g

This morning, I weighed in at 184 pounds. So, my load weight is gone along with one pound additional. Anxious to see what the scale says tomorrow. I'm so impatient!

It's been a wild and weird day, and it all started at around 1:00am this morning. I woke up "hankering" for hubby, but he was having major tummy trouble. He told me later that he was all for it, but his stomach just wouldn't cooperate. Oh, well. There's always tonight? After tossing and turning a bit, his alarm went off at 3:00am. I kissed him goodbye then, laid in bed unable to go back to sleep. All of a sudden, my tummy was not good. I ran to the potty and voided. I got back into bed to try and go back to sleep. Unfortunately, it was back to the potty to pay homage to the porcelain god. This occurred one more time and I realized my detox from a couple of days ago and the load from yesterday were all coming together. Oy!

I stayed up and worked my four hours, having a cup of coffee to try and wake up. Oh, why did I do that! I am not a regular coffee drinker and, although the caffeine helped to wake me up, it also gave me some major jitters. I believe my body became confused and wanted to "feed" what it perceived to be low blood sugar. I resisted as best I could, sucking down my water and waiting for my lunch hour (took the youngest to her doctor's appointment, which is why I only worked a half day).

I decided to try a recipe I'd found online for shrimp scampi. The shrimp were to be steamed in a microwavable steam bag with vinegar and seasonings. Then, I was to put all of this on a bed of raw spinach. The spinach was delightful and the seasonings helped with flavor, but the shrimp didn't cook properly. Ugh! It was all chewy and gross. That's the bad news. The good news is that, once I fed my face, I didn't seem to be hungry anymore. I also had a lovely cup of Black Cherry Berry Celestial Seasonsings tea, which was very nice.

Hubby asked me to pick up a couple of rotisserie chickens for him. Oh, that was hard! I really didn't want to have to deal with the grocery store for a few days. I wanted to give my body and my mental state time to adjust to being with so little food. The smell of those chickens in my car on the way home was murder. It was more of a desire to eat, rather than a need.

For dinner, I sauted the shrimp this time with the vinegar and seasonings. Instead of spinach, I had a single pickle (yum!) and half a grapefruit with stevia sprinkled on top. That was wonderful and it truly hit the spot. I am not hungry and I'm having sort of a hard time believing it.

Here's the information of my daily intake. It's much lower than I thought it would be. I'm sure I'll get a better handle on this as the days go by. The chicken is defrosting in the fridge and I'll bring up my George Foreman to cook it up for the week. According to my calculations, there are 32 ounces in the package. Four ounces is a little over 100 grams (my allotment). This package should get me through 8 meals, correct? I know I've never stretched a pack of chicken that far before. This should be interesting.

The site would not allow me to give myself a limit of 500 calories. It actually posted a warning in red that the allotment was too low and that I should seek a doctor's recommendation for that amount. I couldn't configure the information to know that I have consulted a doctor's recommendation. So, it's stuck on around 1200 for now. The actual total of consumption is just above and just below the table.

February 26th, 2010

Calorie goal: 1,236; calories consumed: 346; calories burned: 0
Net calories: 346

Mood: Okay

Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Folgers Flavors Cinnamon Swirl	1.00	0	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Sweet Leaf Stevia Plus Single Serve Packet	2.00	0	0g	0mg	0mg	2g	0g	2g	0g
Popeye Fresh Tender Spinach	1.00	25	0g	0mg	80mg	4g	0g	2g	3g
Napoleon Balsamic Vinegar	1.00	10	0g	0mg	5mg	2g	2g	0g	0g
Kroger Raw Small Shrimp	1.00	120	2g	150mg	170mg	1g	0g	0g	23g
Kroger Raw Small Shrimp	1.00	120	2g	150mg	170mg	1g	0g	0g	23g
Kroger Kosher Dill Spears	1.00	5	0g	0mg	220mg	1g	0g	0g	0g
Grapefruit, Half	1.00	26	0g	0mg	0mg	7g	0g	0g	1g
Old London Melba Toast	1.00	20	0g	0mg	37mg	4g	0g	1g	0g
Old London Melba Toast	1.00	20	0g	0mg	37mg	4g	0g	1g	0g
Totals:		346	4g	300mg	719mg	26g	2g	6g	50g

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Today's weight this morning was 186.8, so I gained just about two pounds during the loading process.

I am so full! I feel like my belly could be a carry-on suitcase that I've stored on my body. Let's hope it's a short flight. For future reference, I thought I'd better list here what I've eaten for my load days. So, here we go:


Wednesday, February 24th
1. 1 Raisin and spice Instant oatmeal packet
2. 2, bite-sized Almond Joy candy bars
3. Alpine Cider with two Splenda packets (to take away some of the tartness)
4. Alpine Cider with two Splenda packets (I had a meeting and took one in with me)
5. General Tso's Chicken and Veggies (a frozen food aisle, microwave meal)
6. 4 chocolate chip cookies
7. Sucrets cough drops (do these count...still getting over my bronchitis)
8. 2, Carl's Jr. Big Hamburgers with Cheese (I ate all of one and most of the second)
9. Ocean Spray cranberry juice
10. McDonald's Medium Sized Fries
11. 2 Krispy Kreme doughnuts
12. 1 glass of Alice White Lexia


Thursday, February 25th
1. 3 IHOP pancakes with butter and syrup
2. 2 pieces of crispy bacon
3. 3 scrambled eggs
4. 2 glasses of Ruby Red Grapefruit/Pomegranate Ocean Spray juice (yummy!)
5. Bourbon Chicken and Veggies (a frozen food aisle, microwave meal)
6. Krispy Kreme doughnut
7. 2 glasses of Ruby Red Grapefruit/Pomegranate Ocean Spray juice
8. Greek Gyro
9. Seasoned potatoes
10. Lemon/Saffron Rice
11. 1 glass of Ruby Red Grapefruit/pomegranate ocean spray
11. Krispy Kreme doughnut
12. 1 glass of Lexia white wine

Will I miss anything? The juice seemed to satisfy a lot for me, today. I kept thinking, If all I had today was this Ocean Spray, I'd be one happy girl. I think I must have been very dehydrated. Therefore, my super water drinking should allow me to get through the protocol and not miss a lot of the foods I won't be able to have.

I've done the necessary shopping (veggies, fruit and Stevia) and am ready to begin the VLCD portion of the protocol. The only items I didn't have to buy were meat items. We have cows, chickens and schools of fish in deep freeze. Living with a body-builder definitely has it's benefits.

Today's weight was 185.8 this morning.

Today I began Dr. Simeon's Protocol. There is a ton of information all over the web about this diet (so, I won't load my page down with links and facts you can discover for yourself). It's taken about one month's worth of research, research, research to really decide to try this for myself. This is something I'm doing for me so, I've not broadcasted this decision to too many people. My husband, the folks within the groups I've joined and my viewers here (whomever are left) are the only ones in the know. With the latter two, it's completely anonymous and I appreciate that.

Since it is my first day, it is considered a "load" or "gorge" day, so I've tried to eat everything under the sun. Boy, has that been hard! Others on the message boards talk about how hard it is to eat on the load days, but I had no idea it would be this difficult. Finally, I began picking up things to eat, just to eat them. Candy from a candy dish, drinks from the break room, cookies, whatever. Tonight, I will feast on horrible delicacies for dinner in hopes I can redeem my pitiful load day: Carl's Jr. $6.00 burger, with McDonald's fries, a cooler or two and some doughnuts. Sounds good to me!

The injections were the most intimidating factor of this entire process. I really wasn't sure if I could do it but, as a mother of two finds out, she can do pretty much anything. I did it and it didn't even hurt. Score! Only 39 more times to go. I will need to find a better method of disposal, however. That was the only aspect I didn't consider as closely as I should have.

I look forward to the binging craziness this evening. My kids are going to think I've lost my mind, but I'm sure they won't mind (since they'll enjoy the benefits of this as well). I keep telling them they will have to eat "cleaner" like mom (well, not quite as clean as me) in the next few days. I'm sure they will find all sorts of ways to drown their veggies. BBQ sauce, ketchup, cheese...kids can be so creative and disgusting at the same time.

I started the plan today at 185 pounds. Ugh!

So, I have to eat like gangbusters for the next couple of days. It'll be weird to have the liberty and not feel like I'm being bad. Krispie Kremes anyone? Fabulous deep-fried deliciousness from my favorite Chinese restaurant? A lovely gyro with saffron rice, roasted potatoes and a tasty side salad (doesn't sound bad but, calories, calories, calories). I'll buy a bottle of wine to polish off in the next couple of days too. Good-bye, liquor. I'll miss you!

Hubby is going to take pictures and measure me tonight (oy!). Just thinking about that part makes me cringe. I'm going to be brave and wear as little as possible. I've already given him the "no X-rated pictures" speech. He's kind of in a mood, so I don't think there's anything to worry about there.

So, what am I doing? Will I tell? Why, yes. I'll spill the beans tomorrow. Tomorrow, you will know the new path I'm taking and hopefully, watch as the journey takes me to a new, smaller me.

So, here it is. My new layout. Whatdayah think?

I've been thinking about changing the layout here to go along with my new plan (to begin Wednesday, I'm hoping). I'm sort of shopping around, but also hesitant to change something that's been such a consistency in my life for so long. But, as I've found out this month, February has been full of change. I need to just "bite the bullet" and do it. I do want to find something appropriate that will house everything I have here. The layout can change, but the content should still be easily accessible.

More to come...