My daughter had a sore throat and snotty nose for about three days. Seems whatever she had she gave it to me. I've taken naproxen to try and relieve the issues. Since it lasts 24 hours, I'm hopeful I won't need any again during the night or, if I'm lucky, not at all.

I finally found out the time of my daughter's show. Since it's in the evening, we'll be able to go to the morning portion of my hubby's competition. He's happy I'll be there to oil him up (as am I). :)

The menu is boring and I'm thrilled to get to change it up tomorrow (fish and shrimp...yum!). I suppose I'll break out the old bay seasoning and the lemon juice. Here's what I had today...a lot of the same:

May 6th, 2011

Net calories: 494

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
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Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
85/15 Beef Patty	1.00	213	13g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	22g
Wegmans Asparagus	1.00	25	0g	0mg	0mg	4g	2g	2g	2g
Wasa Multi Grain Crackers	1.00	45	0g	0mg	80mg	10g	0g	2g	2g
Grilled Chicken Breast Unc	0.50	105	2g	0mg	0mg	1g	0g	0g	14g
White Cabbage	1.00	24	0g	0mg	18mg	5g	3g	2g	1g
Grapefruit, Half	1.00	26	0g	0mg	0mg	7g	0g	0g	1g
Smirnoff Vodka	1.00	56	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		494	15g	0mg	98mg	27g	5g	6g	42g

Today's weight was 171.4 which is pretty good for four days and serious loading.

It's been a long day. I've been waiting around for news about my daughter's competition this weekend with no word about time, location, anything and then...9:45pm we get word. Really?! My daughter and I have talked and, based on circumstances not involving the disorganization of the studio, she will be reverting back to recital classes in the fall. She lives for the stage and I know she'll miss competing tremendously, but I think this is for the best (at least until we can figure out a better situation).

The waiting around was giving me anxiety, but my body searching for some gnosh was also a factor. This is usually the toughest day for me, so I wasn't surprised. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and cresting over the hump. I'll feel better about it all.

May 5th, 2011

Net calories: 438

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
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Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
85/15 Beef Patty	1.00	213	13g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	22g
Wegmans Asparagus	1.00	25	0g	0mg	0mg	4g	2g	2g	2g
Wasa Multi Grain Crackers	1.00	45	0g	0mg	80mg	10g	0g	2g	2g
Grilled Chicken Breast Unc	0.50	105	2g	0mg	0mg	1g	0g	0g	14g
White Cabbage	1.00	24	0g	0mg	18mg	5g	3g	2g	1g
Grapefruit, Half	1.00	26	0g	0mg	0mg	7g	0g	0g	1g
Totals:		438	15g	0mg	98mg	27g	5g	6g	42g

I weighed in at 173.6 this morning.

Doing well so far. I had little twinges of hunger this evening, but it was close to 6:30pm when I ate dinner (7 hours after eating lunch). This was, of course, a no-brainer. It was definitely time to eat. The menu will be the same for the remainder of the week, but I plan to defrost some lovely fish for the weekend. Next week, I think I'll have shrimp for dinner each evening (if I can find it for a good price). Being land-locked causes issues with seafood prices. I'm hopeful, now that it's spring, the sales will be kind.

Here's what I had today (looks familiar, don't it?):

May 4th, 2011

Calorie goal: 867; calories consumed: 486; calories burned: 0
Net calories: 486

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
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Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
85/15 Beef Patty	1.00	213	13g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	22g
Wegmans Asparagus	1.00	25	0g	0mg	0mg	4g	2g	2g	2g
Wasa Multi Grain Crackers	1.00	45	0g	0mg	80mg	10g	0g	2g	2g
Grilled Chicken Breast Unc	0.50	105	2g	0mg	0mg	1g	0g	0g	14g
White Cabbage	1.00	24	0g	0mg	18mg	5g	3g	2g	1g
Grapefruit	1.00	74	0g	0mg	0mg	19g	16g	3g	1g
Totals:		486	15g	0mg	98mg	39g	21g	9g	43g

I weighed in at 177.2 this morning and was rather surprised. "Thank you, oh gracious and benevolent creator for giving me such a fabulous first release."

I started off on the right foot today; positive, happy, encouraged. I was so pleased with how I felt and my general outlook on everything (including work) was awesome! Then, my evening erupted into a frenzy of chaos. My eldest came to me for help with her homework, after getting her dates mixed up about the due date. Turns out her work is due tomorrow and not the 14th (which she's been telling me was the due date for the past month). As I worked with her to formulate her paragraphs properly, she tried to tell me that what I was doing was not correct. Um, excuse me but I think I'm the one with the degree in English, not you. Ugh! She makes me and my husband absolutely crazy! Her mouth gets her into more trouble than anything else. I really lost my cool and, although I wish I'd been calmer when I told her, I let her know how detrimental it is to undermine her parents and challenge their authority.

After her continuous arguing (which I truly let go on too long), hubby sent her to her room. When she preceded to stomp off and mumble under her breath, he grounded her. I hope the responsibility gene kicks in soon because I'm not quite sure how much more of this I can take. After a good day of low calorie eating, I was met with an immeasurable amount of stress which has promptly given me a headache. I would much rather have a hunger head-ache than a stress head-ache and yes. There's a difference.

I weighed in at 180.4 this morning. Youza! That's some loading! Here's how the first day with the protocol eating went:

Net calories: 494

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
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Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
85/15 Beef Patty	1.00	213	13g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	22g
Wegmans Asparagus	1.00	25	0g	0mg	0mg	4g	2g	2g	2g
Wasa Multi Grain Crackers	1.00	45	0g	0mg	80mg	10g	0g	2g	2g
Grilled Chicken Breast Unc	0.50	105	2g	0mg	0mg	1g	0g	0g	14g
White Cabbage	1.00	24	0g	0mg	18mg	5g	3g	2g	1g
Grapefruit, Half	1.00	26	0g	0mg	0mg	7g	0g	0g	1g
Smirnoff Vodka	1.00	56	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Folgers Classic Decaf Naturally Decaffeinated Coffee	1.00	0	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		494	15g	0mg	98mg	27g	5g	6g	42g

I am injecting 125ius as I did with rounds one and two. I increased for round three, but since it's been several months, I went back to the original dosing. I'll see how things progress as the days go and adjust the amount if need be. Here's to changing my thought frequencies and trying to go to bed with happy, positive thoughts.

I'm a stuffed tick again, after having eaten my way through a small country. Ugh! My stomach looks like I'm about six months pregnant. Total gorge today and very difficult to do with the HCG in my system. Here's what load day number two looked like:

Net calories: 3,587

Mood:	- choose - Hungry Full Guilty Tempted Motivated Frustrated Content Okay Tired Hyper Excited Relieved Hungover Stressed Anxious Happy Pleased Sad Sick Healthy Good Proud
Notes:	Today, I feel...
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Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Marie Callender's Pancake Combo	1.00	620	5g	0mg	1,040mg	92g	0g	0g	0g
Texas Roadhouse Steak Fries	1.00	240	6g	0mg	340mg	17g	1g	2g	2g
Denny's Senior Chicken Fried Steak	1.00	341	18g	27mg	943mg	29g	1g	2g	16g
Gyro	1.00	585	26g	118mg	434mg	40g	0g	3g	38g
Roasted Rosemary Potatoes	1.00	120	3g	0mg	589mg	18g	0g	4g	4g
Mr. Greek Mr. Greek Rice	1.00	281	5g	0mg	134mg	53g	0g	1g	6g
Nestle's Drumstick	1.00	340	21g	20mg	90mg	33g	24g	0g	5g
Apple Fritter	1.00	650	26g	0mg	1,020mg	91g	13g	0g	0g
red wine	1.00	85	0g	0mg	6mg	2g	0g	0g	0g
margarita	1.00	325	0g	0mg	0mg	0g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		3,587	110g	165mg	4,596mg	375g	39g	11g	70g

The Marie Callender's meal may be a bit off, since I couldn't locate the "Magnificent Six" on the food diary. I figured the combo would be close enough. I awakened to 179.2 this morning. That's a gain of one pound since yesterday.

Despite feeling like one of Wilbur's cousins, I had a wonderful day today. I have this new outlook on life that I've adopted (see It's a New Day site) and it's really working for me. The notebook I've started is going to be wonderful for visualization. I haven't started on the physical me page, but I'll work on it tomorrow. Tomorrow will be just as wonderful today, if not better. Here's to round four!

I think, technically, it's like loading day five. When I'm on the rag and thereafter, I tend to binge and it's been in a big way this time. Holy cow! The weight I saw this morning made me want to cry, (178.2) but I'm remaining positive. It's all for the greater good. The protocol even encourages additional days of loading. I also realize that there's water weight from TOM which (hopefully) will disappear along with the loading weight. Again, remaining positive.

Hubby came home today from his show. Before he left, he knew I'd be starting my loading on the day of his return, so we planned for a dinner out. Texas Roadhouse! Oh, man! The rolls and butter are like crack to me. I'm truly a carb-addict. I know like I know like I know I've got to be free of this for a while to regain my focus. No time like the present.

Giving myself an injection this morning was a little tricky. I don't really care for the syringes/needles I have because their a bit on the thick side and I can feel them. I've got to really find a "fatty" area in order to avoid feeling the prick. The first batch of needles I had were great, but measuring was difficult. There's got to be a happy medium. Unfortunately, I bought the latest set in bulk. I hope I won't ever need to buy more, but if I do, I'm open to feedback from those who have found the happy medium.

So, before I settle in for a night of rolling around like a stuffed-tick, here's what I had today:

Net calories: 3,034

Write in your diary: How do you feel today?

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Notes:	Today, I feel...
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Food Item	Servings	Cals	Fat	Cholest	Sodium	Carbs	Sugars	Fiber	Protein
Hardee's Sausage & Egg Biscuit	2.00	1,220	88g	470mg	2,580mg	72g	8g	0g	34g
Hardee's Cinnamon N Raisin Biscuit	1.00	140	6g	0mg	325mg	20g	9g	0g	2g
Texas Roadhouse Steak Fries	0.50	120	3g	0mg	170mg	9g	1g	1g	1g
Texas Roadhouse Mock Rolls	4.00	908	44g	152mg	1,076mg	112g	16g	4g	20g
Denny's Senior Chicken Fried Steak	1.00	341	18g	27mg	943mg	29g	1g	2g	16g
Archer Farms Strawberry Lemonade	2.00	220	0g	0mg	10mg	52g	48g	1g	0g
red wine	1.00	85	0g	0mg	6mg	2g	0g	0g	0g
Totals:		3,034	159g	649mg	5,110mg	296g	82g	8g	73g

Again, I weighed in at a whopping 178.2 this morning.

I was all geared up to get going by this Thursday or Friday, but TOM delayed a day later than I was anticipating. The new day one will now be May 1st. My hubby keeps asking about when I can eat again and when will the protein phase start. He's nearly done with his shows so, eating "normally" for him will come much earlier than it will for me. I have created calendars so that he can see when my phases change. I'm glad he's paying attention. He'll be less likely to tempt me, if he knows when particular phases are taking place.

He amazes me! He was down to 157 pounds (incredibly small for him) for his show in Seattle, two weeks ago. When he came home, he binged with three cheat days. This allowed him to put back on all the water he'd loss and a bit of weight to the tune of 178 pounds. For the past week, he's kicked up his regime again and is back on his eating plan. He weighed himself this morning and is down to 164 pounds (ahead of schedule, as he put it). Did you do the math? That's around 14 pounds in 14 days (and the man is not on HCG). I knew he was smaller two days ago just by his face. His determination and will power are truly amazing.

Right now, he's eating a lot of tilapia, asparagus and grapefruit. He has excluded most salt from his diet and is drinking around two gallons of water per day. Truthfully, it's P2 in more quantities. He'll also have a rice cake or two. I have to say, I'd much rather have a rice cake than Melba toast any day. Again, the man is amazing. I will be forthright about him on one respect; he's like me in that he loves to eat. He keeps talking about the Sizzler and Texas Roadhouse rolls he'll eat when the shows are done. I support his splurge days. He's earned them.

I've created my new spreadsheet, have all of my supplies in-house for the round and am nearly finished re-reading the protocol. It really is an all, encompassing process. You can't "half way" do this and, as I learned from my last round, you can't go rogue. I will keep within my limits and get through the month successfully. The goals are in place and my eyes are on the prize.

I've been scheming these past few days on a fourth round. The "sugar demon" (as I'm now calling it) has been ultra crafty. I'm fine, but then my carb-addiction raises its head. I have to limit them (carbs) much more than most people. I understand this, now. Regular eating for me is not regular eating for someone else. Clean is also huge for me, but difficult. I just love food and it's hard for me to say, "Stop." So, here's the plan:

Step A: Fourth Round - I will begin a fourth round on April 28th or 29th. I wanted to start Easter Sunday (April 25th), but my TOM is due then. That's going to make me look extra fabulous in my sleeveless Easter dress. Ugh! It would have been lovely to have Easter as a gorge day; however, maybe it's fitting that it doesn't happen then. After all, gluttony is a sin, right? Okay, I know this isn't really the same thing. The fourth round will be a short round. When I was in the 140s, I was way too small. I am an African-American woman with curves and my curves were all gone. I liked being small, but didn't like looking emaciated. For me? One hundred fifty-five pounds to one hundred sixty is fine for me. Again, what's right for me may not be right for everyone else.

Step B: Hubby's Support Plan -My family and I are due to go on vacation in mid to late June. This will place me in the early parts of my "regular eating" (P4), which is good timing. I want to be able to enjoy fun foods, but I will be working hard at not succumbing to my addiction (or bowing to the sugar-demon). I'm not unrealistic and know that a five pound gain is inevitable. I always gain five pounds on vacation no matter the circumstances. I've asked my hubby to put me on a plan directly after vacation. He is to have free reign with my eating but I have a major say in discussions with him about exercise, since my schedule is so irregular. This is to make sure I lose the vacation weight, but also put me on a path/good direction that I can handle long term.

Step C: Nan Kuru Nai Sah - "Live for today, but look forward to tomorrow". It's been my theme for the year (I don't do resolutions, but themes...feel free to ask about previous years. I love to share them!). With my hubby's help, I will find a "normalcy" that works for me, but allows me to have the ability to enjoy food without being afraid of it. What a little sugar can do for me is a lot of damage, but how to take those slip-ups and move on has proven difficult. I've got to get past it and understand that food is not my enemy. It is here to nourish and fuel my body. Changing my thinking is such a big part of this process. I know this and figured it out early with the protocol but somewhere, I've let those daily discussions with myself slide away. I will keep my posts current since writing about the struggles makes a big difference.

So, there it is in black and white. I'm looking forward to it and have already alerted my children to keep the tempations far away. They are very helpful and it's important that they be involved, too. Oh, and I'm going "Hard Core" again. The "rogue" stuff I pulled in round three was detrimental.