R5 - Loading Day 1 (Starting 197.4 pounds. Oy!)

My package arrived on January 11th, but I wasn't here to receive it by hand from the postman. So, the little slip they left asked me to pick up after 9:00am on January 12th (which I did). I haven't been very good at preparing this time around (physically and somewhat mentally). So much going on with Indy's birthday party and the kids being out of school for the long weekend (one day earlier than most, thank you very much Davis School District) and trying to figure out how to mix and not screw it up for the sublingual route I've chosen to take this time.

Last night, I gathered all my stuff along with my computer and viewed how to mix for sublingual with 100proof Vodka. All went well and I started to feel the excitement of starting this journey again. So much of this process and making it work is a mental drive. Thankfully, I didn't need much for that to kick in. Unfortunately, when I stepped on the scale this morning, I thought I would pass out: 197.4 pounds. Are you freaking kidding me?! I knew it was bad, but not that bad. To even type the number here is sobering. I am certainly glad I have the protocol as an option, otherwise I might melt into a puddle on the floor. I am really, truly praying for guidance and the ability to sustain and maintain my normal weight, once this is all over. That is what seems to be the hardest (and can be for any type of diet or eating plan). The yoyo-ing and cycles must end and it's definitely up to me.

I had my first dose this morning and my second dose 12 hours later. It was so weird for me to wrap my head around holding something in my mouth, rather than injecting. I was also very skeptical, despite all the success so many have had with this format. By the time I was working, I knew it had worked! I wasn't the least bit hungry. In fact, as I prepared breakfast for me and my girls, I wondered if I could even get through the meal. I forced myself as I don't want the drama that comes with poor loading. I need this to work correctly (especially after today's weigh-in). Okay, enough about that number already. I'm taking steps to make it go away.

Indy had her birthday and it was as much fun for me as it was for the parents. We had a blast playing just dance and drinking wine. Oh, the wine. Is there a low sugar wine that I can get away with on protocol? I gotta find one! Here's what I managed to force down today:

Daily Intake Totals

Cals

3089

Fat

117 g

Cholesterol

240 mg

Sodium

3212 mg

Carbs

390 g

Fiber

9 g

Protein

89 g

Sugars

198 g

We were dancing around like crazy tonight. I'm supposed to gain, but I won't be surprised if I lose.