Fasting

I'm on day two of my fast. I've decided that tomorrow morning when I resume eating, I'll get myself a good breakfast (because my oatmeal will probably just make me mad and I think my garden burger has some serious freezer burn. Yuck!). It's been good. My mind is sharp and alert, I feel a sense of calm I haven't felt in a while, and things are becoming more clear. I'm sure this is just what I needed. I'll have to be careful tomorrow and not over do it. Two days of fasting will require a slow transition back to solids because my already sensitive stomach will turn flips with too much food. The worries I had a couple of days ago, revolve around my work and my daughter. We work 30 miles from our home. My daughter attends daycare here in the city where I am not too far away. Next year, she will be five and will be starting Kindergarten in the city where we live. I refuse to work that far away from my baby. I don't want the school nurse to call some day with an emergency, then I have to respond, "Okay. I'll be there in 30 minutes". It is completely unacceptable to me. That means, I will either have to change jobs or change my hours here to part-time and work from home. Either way, it will be a big change for all of us (and there's no guarantee that my boss would even go for me working from home all the time. He really likes that I'm here in the office. If you haven't already guessed, I've asked him about this before). Also, who's to say I could find a job in my small city that pays what I get here. It's not even the change that was bothering me (I'm an Aquarius. I live for change!) but the uncertainty of what will happen. We are a two-income family and we rely on my paycheck and my husband's to live the lifestyle we enjoy. Granted, we're not rolling in it or ballers or anything, but it's necessary that I work. My current job is okay, but there is definitely a ceiling here which sucks. There's no where for me to go. Everyone here has a masters or PhD and you have to have one or the other to move up. Not only that, these people are not ones for allowing you to move around in the company. They make it very difficult for anyone to even move laterally.

So, I haven't moved. Almost four years here, and I haven't moved. At my last job, I was promoted a month after starting from Admin to Manager of Communications. Everywhere I've worked, I've made enough of an impression to move up or around. It's so frustrating and it gets more frustrating by the day. That's entirely why I broke down. The economy is terrible, so the things that I am qualified for, are not readily available. It was just all getting to me and I finally cracked. After my little prayer session, I realized that I had to make some internal changes, before I could accept the external ones. As I said, the fast has been good. I feel like I'm ready to take on whatever God wants to give me. Change is hard, but inevitable and sometimes, it makes for a much better situation than you were in before. I have to remember that I am a soul standing in a maze. I can only see what's in front of me, but he can see the whole maze. (Being an idiot human, I'm probably standing just around the corner from the exit). If I let go and allow the guide to come in and help me, everything will be okay. I really believe that, now...I feel bad that it's taken this long, but it's never too late.