Last night was the first day of the new weight training regime and boy did it kick my butt! I'm feeling really fortunate that the soreness hasn't kicked in, but I know it's headed my way (probably tomorrow, which is also weight training day again). Funny how that works out. Today, I remembered the plan, so here it is in detail:

*Stand on resistance band, feet slightly apart, and bicep curl for 1 minute.
*Suck in and do isometric crunches for one minute
*Girl push-ups for 1 minute.
*Isometric crunches for one minute
*Lateral raises (parallel, squeezing at the top) with free weights for 1 minute
*Isometric crunches for one minute (Can do standing oblique twists)
*Do 10 standing leg lifts (ballerina style), 2 sets on each leg.
*Isometric crunches, one minute
*Single arm dumbbell pull-backs, one minute
*Isometric crunches, one minute
*Free bar pull ups, one minute

I was sweating like a damn pig, by the time it was all over. I ended up counting a bit to see how many reps I was doing in the one minute duration. It was like 25 or so for most, but by the time I made it to the free bar pull ups, it was only 15. I was actually a lot stronger than I thought I was. I felt good, but ravenous after my shower. Self control kicked in and I didn't over eat, like I wanted to. Hubby said more protein would curb my appetite, but I didn't even do that.

Well, it's the Friday before a long weekend and I am so thrilled about that. No big plans, just more so thrilled about sleeping in on Monday. Has it come to this? Does this mean I'm old, now? Good Lord! When did that happen?!

I'm feeling a bit psyched again about my goal. It comes in waves: some days, I'm like, "who cares." Other days, it's all about imagining how good I'm going to look in the future. Will this bring me money, fame, stardom? Probably not, but I'm sure looking forward to being a fit person, again. Oh, I added the newest picture to the progress site, if you want to check it out. Not exactly glamorous, but the capri pants are a comfortable size ten. The shirt is a large, but unbeknownst to me, a Junior large (which isn't a ladies large at all), so I kind of look stuffed into the shirt.

Yesterday, when I came home, hubby had purchased a new washer (which we need really badly), a new flat-top, GE stove (which we've wanted for a while) and a dozen, long-stem pink roses for me. He's the best!

I just received an email from our HR guy. Here is what it said:

3rd Annual Summer Games are Back!!!
June 1- August 31, 2004

The Summer Games are a competition between members and companies. This year we have JP Morgan Chase, , and CompHealth all participating. Employees from the three companies will log their daily workouts and receive points based upon time spent in the gym, attending a summer aerobics class, purchasing supplements, etc.

For Example:

* 1 point for every minute spent workout out: 30 min cario/weights-30 points
* Attending an aerobics class - 60 points
* 5 points for every dollar spent on supplements

Prizes are based on individual and company totals. Each individual's points will be added together for a company total. Each employee of the company with the highest points will receive a prize. Prizes will also be given to the top three individuals in the competition.
Well, the competitive spirit in me just rose about 50 points. I think the people that work there must think I have a shot at something good because the girl at the front desk stopped me about this, even before I saw the email from the HR guy. She said, "Did your HR guy send you an email?" and I was like, "No." Then she said, "Well, we're having these games for the companies that have employees working out here. It would be good for you, since you're here, like everyday." Well, I guess so. Hmmm. Guess I'll be making sure I don't skip any days unless I really, really have to. You know, I wish I knew what the prizes were because I'm not going to bust my ass for a T-shirt, you know? Give me a gift certificate to Nordstroms or something!

Thank goodness it doesn't start until next week because today, I'm having lunch with my girlfriend at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants. Yesterday, I had lunch with hubby at a Korean restaurant (notice a trend here?). He took my picture today so, when I have time, I'll blur out my goofy face and post it within the pictures link (probably tonight or tomorrow).

I forgot the weight training plan again, so, I'll give it to you in a nutshell. Basically, I have to do bicep curls for 1 minute with the resistance bands, then 1 minute of crunches, then 1 minute of girl-pushups, then standing leg lifts, then shoulders, then 1 more minute of abs (it's a cycle that's supposed to take me at most 30 minutes).

It's supposed to be kind of chilly this weekend. Probably a good thing, since I'm not feeling my spring clothes right now (I've got a bloat thing going on, probably from the Korean food, yesterday). It was wonderful, but I'm sure it was salty as hell.

Onward to the summer games!

Only one pound since last week, but that's better than no loss at all. Today, I have two scrambled eggs and pancakes for breakfast (part of hubby's "eat more" plan). I'm not sure I can force myself to eat more, quite yet. If I were really committed to doing it, I would have changed the limit on my spreadsheet (I just can't bring myself to do it, yet). At any rate, the weight training begins, officially on Thursday. It's a lot of reps, sweat and craziness. I left the sheet at home, but I'll try to remember to bring it tomorrow to document here (so you can see the torture plan in black and white). I'm sure it will do wonders, but I know the first couple of weeks are going to be tough. As I said before, I haven't done any serious weight training since this time, last year.

I was checking out my legs in the mirror yesterday and noticed that the flab was just rippling. Gross! I guess it just the skin hanging there waiting to be toned. This training is going to do more than just amp up my workout, it will hopefully put my skin back in it's place.

Hmm. Am I ready for this new "plan" hubby's going to spring on me this afternoon? He says it requires some running. Great. More running. I'm not really a runner, but I admire people that can go the distance. I think runners have amazing stamina and endurance, but I just can't see myself in their league. I'm a mean walker and an even meaner elliptirzier (Look! A new word!), but running is always going to be something that I kind of do.

I'm a little anxious to get started, just because I already know what weight training does to me: I look better, I'm tight all over, my belly doesn't hang over my pants, my arms don't look like bat wings and I'm extra randy (a bonus, I think, for hubby more than for me). I just hope I'm tight enough to wear the outfit I want to wear on his birthday. It's a Wet Seal number (and you know how tight their clothes can be). I tried it on today, so that my mother could measure the hem. She said it was too little, but I persisted that it was an 11 (knowing that I'm in my comfortable 10's). Then, I thought about it. Wet Seal cuts their clothes a bit tight. Also, I'm not sure if this is an 11 adult or an 11 juniors. If it's a junior, then the outfit is more a size 7 or 8 adult (which I'm not quite into yet). So, I said all that to say, if hubby's training attack works, I should be ready in the next couple of weeks. We'll see...

Hubby says I'm not eating enough for my workout. Great. Just what I want to hear. So, I'm thinking, I ate like a cow to look like one, now I've got to eat like a cow not too? Where's the logic, I ask you? I know, I know. With more activity, comes the need for more energy. And where do we get that energy from, boys and girls? You guessed it! Food. Well, he says it's going to be good foods: fruits, veggies and fiber, oh my!

Yep! I was one of the ticket holders to this laugh riot of a movie (Check out my comments in my "New Movies" link). I am amazed and astounded by the hard work, talent and creativity that go into full-length, animated movies like these. I hope these people appreciate their rockin' jobs. How would it be???

The weekend was a really nice one. We went to my husband's sergeant's house for a BBQ. They own about an acre of land with this, I'd guess, 3500 sqft home. It was beautiful! In the almost four years my hubby has worked here, this is the first time I've ever met a group of his friends. Before this, I knew maybe two people. They're just as crazy as he is and a lot of fun. I was glad that I could relax and enjoy. Most of them were drunk out of their minds, by the time we got there. One couple in particular had been drinking since 11:00am and later adjourned to one of the spare bedrooms for a romping session. Personally, I thought it was tacky, but when they came back out, they didn't seem the slightest bit concerned. The other guys, including my hubby, were making all sorts of comments and snide remarks. It turned into the joke of the evening.

They had a lot of, you guessed it, fat-laden, grease heavy foods to choose from. I even brought my sinfully decadent rum cake, which everyone thought was cornbread until I told them. Hubby brought his "a tingle on my tongue" and "Where's my ass?" hot wings. I didn't go for the gusto with eating, like I normally would have, but I did indulge in some choco-chip cookies and a Segram's Margarita wine cooler. I was actually pretty proud of myself, considering how much food there was to choose from and how much I could have inhaled in the 3 hours we were there. This morning, hubby said, "What would you say if I told you that you could be 15 to 20 pounds lighter, by the end of July?" I started calculating in my head if this dramatic sounding loss would be a healthy one. Seeing that it was around 2 pounds per week, I said, "That sounds healthy and I could probably do it on my own." He then said that, with the weight training plan he was creating for me, this would be fat loss completely, not water loss. He also said the lean muscle mass I would build would help in keeping the weight off (which I completely believe, since we all know that the chemicals in muscle production burn fat as an energy source). He said he would start this week, but he's been saying that for the past few weeks. We have crazy schedules, so we'll see what happens.

Sunday, we went to see Shrek 2 once hubby got home. I hope the Memorial day weekend is just as nice, but I'm not sure if the weather will hold up. They're predicting rain and such for the weekend, here. Most Utahns are die-hard campers. I just couldn't seen myself sleeping out in the wild, while rain pounded down around me, turning the camp site into a sea of mud. They can have it and I think that they will.

Oh! And I spoke to my boss on Friday about my load and the lack of help and all the people they've been hiring around here (but somehow, still neglecting our department). He said that I had valid concerns and that he was told we would have the money in our budget for someone at the beginning of the new fiscal year (July); however, he also said that he would plead my case again so that the person could be here before that time. Hurray! All I have to do is document the tasks and emails I'm currently working on and undertake. On Wednesday, we'll talk again and then he will go to our provost about hiring a full timer to help. I'm really praying it works!

I'm not sure if it was last night's dinner, or Wednesday's stress but this morning, I woke up with my stomach on the rampage. So, into the medicine cabinet I went for a dose of the nasty pink stuff. Ugh! Chalk in a bottle. What were those medicine makers thinking?

We went to the Golden Corral last night for dinner (my treat). I did well and got what I usually eat, but somehow I think it's just not agreeing with me anymore. Could it be that my body is a more efficient and happier machine when not doused with grease? Perish the thought! Anyway, we came home at around 8, lights out by around 9 but hubby wanted to be philosophical and talk my ear off. When that happens, my sleep time is cut down so it's harder to do the 4:30 am walk thing, if at all. Therefore, I had resigned not to walk this morning and hubby encouraged me to do it after work (which I really hate because it delays dinner for the little one and I'm not at my best in the evenings). Everything must happen for a reason because, even before my alarm went off, my belly did and it was off to the bathroom I went. After which, I laced up and hoped on the treadmill for a 5 minute warm-up, 15 minute jog (at around 4.2, instead of 4.5 today...hey, I have little legs), and a 5 minute cool down. Not bad for someone who wasn't going to do anything today.

I feel a bit better now and am hoping to feel like myself around mid-day. I have a lunch scheduled with a friend and have pretty much decided that salad is my best bet (if indeed my above theory is true). We're going to a quaint little BBQ place called the Firehouse Grill. They have a grilled chicken Caesar that I haven't tried and a blackened version of the same. I'll probably get one of those.

Today is also the day I have my weekly meeting with the boss man. I want to be strong and voice my honest opinion about how leaden my workload has become. This office is the product of good old boy, republican politicians and it shows. There is an obvious pink ghetto and a glass ceiling. Telling him these things will do nothing, but I will point out that other departments have acquired the help they need. Why are we still left in the lurch? Someone needs to scream louder about this and I am ready, willing and able. I cringe to think about next Christmas and my vacation time off. Last year, I came back to nearly 800 emails. That's insane! No one should have to endure that and I refuse to fear my vacation this year just because of some stupid emails. One part-time person is not an unreasonable request, I think. If they can pay 50 to 60K for mentor hirings left and right, an hourly part-timer is not a big deal. He/She could take up so much of the slack and help with many of the big projects we undertake from month to month. Lord give me strength because I want to be able to say these things without feeling like the words are going in one ear and out the other. I want him to hear me and make our case legitimately, over and over again if necessary. I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm going to try to stay hopeful and optimistic.

So much for, what was supposed to be, my calm and relaxing day yesterday. It turned into a day from Hell and I'm still trying to recuperate. I don't know what happened, but one cross statement sent my day into a tailspin south. It was horrible! Disrespectful, non-appreciative ingrates! I am so ready to leave my job, but I'm trapped. I have a mortgage, car payments, student loans, utilities and other life statements that arrive at my door monthly. I can't change jobs now, because I'd only be at my new job a year or so (remember, I have to find a job in my own city, once my little girl turns five). If I find a job in my own city, now, I'll have to change daycares. The daycares here are atrocious in price. Where she is now is discounted because my hubby works for the county. Uh! Such a quandary, I tell you. I don't know how I'm going to hold out another 7 or 8 months.

I left a long message on my boss's voicemail, telling him that we seriously need to talk during our weekly meeting. I've taken on so much in the last few months and I'm still doing it all by myself. Other departments are growing by leaps and bounds (some have inflated to as much as 5 or six, in the last few months). Where's are share? Why the hell do they think I can continue at this rate alone? My boss has asked for the additional help, but he's a kind soul (and quite passive). I think they're going to roll him for as long as they can. Get me into one of their operations meetings. God, I just wish I could threaten them with walking, but they've seriously got me by the balls until next year. Ugh!! I think I'll tell my boss that this isn't going to work and something must be done (not exactly a threat, but I do hope it's a power statement). Ah, hell. I'm not sure what to do. I'm trying to be patient and hold on, but my patience is wearing very thin.

(Who's ever seen a happy clam, I'd like to know? I used something my generation could relate too. You can also substitute Care Bear with Smurf, Snork, My Little Pony, or Looney Tune.)

The doctor's appointment went well, right up until the pap. So, I'm laying there, a la stirrups, and doctor is in the huddle when I suddenly here a "clink. Thud." Oh, crap. What the hell did he drop and is he going to pick it up and use it again? With the drape and all, I couldn't really tell what was going on...hush whispers, the sounds of searching. I just didn't ask. It was over pretty quickly, thank goodness. The great news? The last time I was there (February for strep throat), I weighed 185. The good doctor told me I was awesome and congratulated me for loosing almost 20 pounds. Now, there's an ego boost, for yah! To celebrate, I made choco-chip cookies and ate four (hmmm, now that probably wasn't the smartest thing to do after learning I was doing well with my weight loss program. Talk about setting yourself up for self destruction). The good thing is that I hauled my choco-chip eating butt out of bed at 4:30 and ran (not walked) on the treadmill for fifteen minutes, with a 10 minute warm-up and a five minute cool down. I was invigorated and probably burned off two cookies (oh, so sad).

Today, I'm really happy that hump day is here. This week is going by much faster than last week and I'm so glad about it. I'll actually be able to get in my mid-day workout today because I have no meetings and no lunch plans. The other bonus? My boss will be in a meeting all day, so I can play a pretty good game of catch up.

Well, today is the day. I'm off to work until noon, then it's skip, skip, skip to the doctor's office. Oh, joy! I hope I get a clean bill of health. I hope they say, "Gosh, you're so healthy you put other healthy people to shame." I know. Totally asking for way to much, but a A even an A- is good, right?

I've decided to have my lunch after the doctor's appointment. Clothing and breakfast are already going to make the already heavy doctor's scale even heavier. Why burden it down with a taco or Chinese plate? I can wait.

The cats and our dog have been throwing up all over the place. I guess that's what I get for buying Meow Mix. So, it's also skip, skip, skip to Sam's Club after the appointment to pick up more cat food. I'll also grab some more of that Canadian bacon too, while I'm there. I'm missing that at breakfast time.

Wish me luck!

The weekend was pretty good. I took my daughter to the wave pool on Saturday (my sister came along). She was wearing one of my mom's old bikinis. Now mind you, my sister isn't exactly skinny, but she pulled it off okay. She would have looked even better, had she not kept falling out of it, every time a wave hit. (My mother probably bought the bathing suit, back in the 70's). Anyway, we did have fun and my sister is on a mission to buy a new bathing suit.

The weekend was filled with great food and good eating, but not so good control. It's my own fault. I would do well, all the way up until the end of the meal, then top it off with something else like a bowl of cereal or something. This does nothing for my "keeping it within the calorie range" plan. I know when I do this, I see results. I've got to stick with it, this week. Even with the outings I have planned. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Tuesday is my appointment with the good doctor. Hmmm. I'm not sure how to feel about it or if I want to feel anything, really. I guess I'll just go with the flow.

I'm still anticipating something. Not sure what it is, but still anticipating. I guess I just want May to end, but I'm not sure why, yet. It's not a horrible month. In fact, it's really beautiful here in May. It's not to hot, there's always a nice breeze. We usually have a rainstorm or two. Everything after May is scorch city, around here. I should be savoring everyday. I feel anxious and I wish I could pinpoint why (it's so unlike me). What on Earth am I waiting for?

Time to preplan. I have one of my outings today. I'm going to check their site and see if they have their nutritional stuff on. Gotta stay within the range...gotta stay within the range. That's the goal this week.

I am so thrilled that it's Friday and I have no idea why. It's not like anything big is going to happen to me this weekend, but I am thrilled nonetheless. I wish something big were happening, then I'd be a bit more justified in my excitement.

One thing that I am happy about is that my girlfriend is coming to my mom's house for Memorial Day. Both her son and husband have been deployed and she's quite lonely (as I'm sure anyone can imagine). She has no family here to speak of and I thought, "Hey. We're doing something, why can't she do it with us?" She seemed really happy, when I invited her. I hope it isn't a disappointment, you know, family sitting around talking, eating barbecue and just generally looking crazy.

I went out to lunch with my other girlfriend, today. I had a Greek omelet and it was divine. It also came with hashbrowns and pancakes, so you know I was happy. It's my big splurge for the week, so I'll be "up and at 'em" in the morning on the treadmill. I gotta, or the scale will not be kind to me next week (and I so want it to be kind). I didn't walk this morning, mainly because it was so cold and the bed felt so good, and my feet were wrapped around hubby's feet and...well, it was just to good to give up.

TOM is here and in full effect. The good(?) thing is that I'll be done by the time I have my physical on Tuesday. Do you know I haven't had one in four years, almost? I know. It's terrible and I really have no excuse, but I'm going and that's what counts. Hopefully, everything will be A-Okay.

Happy Friday, everyone!

I'm feeling total calmness as sit at my computer, listening to the melodic sounds of John Doan's, Eire:Isle of the Saints (Celtic music). It's absolutely beautiful. It's a friend's disc I copied to my media player. Sometimes, it's just the thing I need to really complete my chill-out mode.

I've been thinking about what to do for my hubby's birthday coming up in June. I was going to take the actual birth-day off from work, but it turns out he has work training that day and he can't get out of it. Luckily, he's off the day before so, I'll just take that day off. Anyway, I was thinking a nice breakfast at this out-of-the way dinner up in Emigration Canyon called Ruth's. I've been there once before and it was really good. After wards, we will stroll the grounds of the Red Butte Gardens. Neither he nor I have ever been there, but it's supposed to be beautiful. Then (if it's still in theaters), I'll take him to see Kill Bill Vol.2 or Dawn of the Dead. If neither is out or playing at a decent time, I'll take him to Park City to the outlet stores (my shopaholic hubby should love that). These are just tentative plans, but I think he'll enjoy himself. I always say, "This time, I'll watch my budget and keep it cheap", but I never do. So, I'm not going to bother with pretenses. I'm just going to do whatever the heck comes into my mind and so be it. Budget be damned!

Although I am feeling yoga-calm, I'm still wishing the week would hurry up and end. It has been the longest week in history, for me! It just keeps dragging it's raggedy butt along, with no sign of a "hurry up" in sight!

I came back from the gym about 30 minutes ago and am feeling the effects in my upper thighs like crazy, today. I guess because I sometimes take a day off in the week and this week I didn't so, the body is screaming, "Rest, please." Well, you'll get your rest on Saturday, sort of. I think TOM is really here. It's bright and causing me grief, so this must be it. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm glad it's here.

You know, I really hate money. If I had my choice, I would annihilate the monetary system altogether. We would have those replicator doohickies like on Star Trek and our existence would be only "to better ourselves". I'm totally with that. Money is definitely the root of all evil.

Now, with that said, knowing that I can't function without money and that life in the 24th century will never be a reality for me, I want enough of it to take care of things. I want to be able to take a vacation when I want to, without worrying about the bills being taken care of or starving. I want to be able to walk onto a used car lot when my little one is sixteen, ask her to pick out the car she wants, then lay down the cash for it without blinking (with the understanding, of course, that she would be responsible for maintenance and insurance). Is that too much to ask for? And, why am I on this money kick, you ask? Well, I was thinking about the way loaning money or bargaining with money can change relationships, especially friendships. Not that I've loaned anyone a substantial amount of money or anything, but we did bargain with some on an item. The deal was that my hubby would supply this item to a coworker here (who I'm friendly with, but we're not best buds or anything) and Monday, the money for said item would be given to him. A regular, sale with no strings attached. Well, co-worker decides to take a vacation day on Friday, which is fine. Then, Monday, she calls in sick. Tuesday, same thing. She's here today, but no mention of said transaction. Not sure if she's forgotten or what, but because I hate dealing with money so much, it's starting to bug me. True, it's only 9:42 am, but what if she decides to play "memory loss" for the entire week? This was no small item and I know hubby will be calling today to see what's going on with his money. I'm not only dealing with the money, but I'm also in the middle. What, joy. Am I being persnickety? Probably, but where else am I going to vent?

Today was weigh day. I'm at 166, which wasn't a surprise or a heartbreak (considering last week's fast, and this week's "mystery" TOM. Not sure if next week the real TOM will decide to show her face. If so, I'm probably looking at another week of flux with the number on the scale. So far, the week's been pretty good on the exercise front: Each morning, this week, I've dragged myself out of bed for 30 minutes of cardio before work. Then, it's another 30 minute cardio workout during lunch. Two more days (counting today) of that and I'm done, well, sort of. Friday, I'll do the morning routine, then it's off to lunch during my lunch hour. Saturday, I'll do 45 minutes in the morning and probably take my little girl swimming in the afternoon. It's amazing how going swimming at a public wave pool can crush and boost your ego, all at the same time. We'll see how it goes.

It's 50 some-odd degrees today and rainy. Man, I wish I was in my bed right now! I've got my little space heater sitting on my desk, blowing directly in my face (they cranked on the air in this building, back in March and it's been frigid everyday, ever since!) and my hubby's oversized (at least, on me) grey, sweater shirt on. Nothing cute about me, just blah all over. I want to go home and I'm willing to do just about anything to get there(okay, maybe not anything).

Nothing special happening in my life today, just a boring old Tuesday. It occurred to me, while looking at the calendar at my little girl's school, we have two more weeks (after this one) left in the month. Man, will this month ever end? It's so sad. I have no reason for wanting the month to end, except in looking forward to the long Memorial weekend. Oh, so sad.

[Somebody just popped some butter-flavored popcorn. Damn them! The smell is permeating through the office, making my nose twitch and my stomach leap in anticipation. "Calm down. You're not getting any."]

Did I mention that I updated the movie page? We saw Van Helsing over the weekend and rented a few other movies. You can see my "insightful" reviews on the web pages to your left.

I watched VH1's Flab to Fab show last night. It revolved around the JLo look and achieving her body and style. That part made me want to hurl, but the idea of slimming down with exercise and good eating (and not going under the knife, like most reality shows are touting these days) was refreshing! Hubby even watched the last little bit with me and he hates reality shows.

There were three women and they started off pretty sad: no stamina, no strength and very little confidence. As they progressed through the 12-week plan, you could literally see the changes going on with them, inside and out. Of course, they had all the perks that normal people either can't afford or don't have access to: several personal trainers, exclusive use to all the gym equipment they could handle, a hair stylist, a make-up artist, a design consultant, etc.... At the end, they were given a free gym membership to "Crunch" fitness, to keep their new bodies in shape, and also a shopping spree to Saks, to keep their new looks in shape. Must be nice.

Not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh in. I have a feeling the scale will read, "bloat, bloated, most bloated". Can't complain, though. I'm still doing well and I haven't even started with my weight training yet (hubby's still getting it ready).

That's how I'm feelin' today. I've been gassy (Sorry. More than you wanted to know)and in a funk all weekend. Today is the first day I haven't felt like I wanted to deck someone. At first, I thought it was because of TOM, but now I'm not sure if that's what I'm experiencing. There's something very strange going on, here. I've been spotting since last week. Typically, the only time I spot is during ovulation and that only last a couple of days. After that, there are two weeks of tidy whities then boom, the big TOM with heavy days and all. But now, I'm not sure if I'm ovulating or actually having it. It's just been spotty. No heavy days, no gradual decline in pad usage. It's been me and the pantyliners, or the occasional pad (So, sorry. Really TMI, I know). I'm hesitant to go to the doctor about it because I keep thinking about the fast I just experienced. Maybe it was the total cut-off of solid foods that has my body in a tizzy. What to do, what to do? If things don't look different by Wednesday, I'll go see a doctor (on a side note, the gassiness and the spots are exactly what happened the first time I got pregnant. Now, hubby and I are pretty careful, but who knows).

Food wise, I've been enjoying the Mother's day holiday, but without going too nuts. Saturday, hubby got me a massage (I had a bag of pretzels, just before). For lunch, I had lo mein noodles, beef and broccoli, and potato chicken. For dinner, it was Golden Corrall. They didn't have any oatmeal cookies. What the hell? I was too pissed!

Sunday, the men at our church make the women breakfast, so I had grits, eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Carbo city! Who cares, the serving sizes were normal to small. In fact, I wasn't full after I ate. Later, I had a protein bar to kind of compensate. For dinner, hubby made baked chicken and baked fries. Very tasty.

After reflecting on my weekend, I realize that it was a good one and I should be very grateful that so many people love me and care about me, but at the time, I couldn't see that. I was just so irritated at the world. Queen of the victims, should have been tattooed on my forehead. I guess I was being a spoiled brat and thankfully, I've gotten over that (I think).

Well, pretty much. I was supposed to have a lunch outing with a friend, but she totally spaced it. If I hadn't of called her, I would have showed up at the restaurant looking like Boo Boo the Fool. At any rate, I was glad I had my back-up, frozen Michaelina's lunch in the freezer. It was really good, or I was really hungry (five cheese lasgna).

Tonight is my daughter's spring dance recital and I'm so excited! I'll be going over to my sister's apartment for the first time. My sister...hmm....how to describe her: She's an actress, literally. She's in the Actors Training Program at the University. She's the baby of the family and an actress. You know, draw your own conclusions. Anyway, we'll be going over there to get the babe ready for dance, since the recital is here in town and I don't have time to drive all the way home, then turn around and drive all the way back to get her to the school by 5:40 pm. Insane...and I'm not even going to try it. Sissy lives here, so that makes mucho more sense. I'll have to stop and get dinner for the both of us.

Today, I'm wearing this ultra cute shirt I got at Wally world (that would be Wal-Mart, folks). It's got the Superman emblem on the front, but it's in pink. I'm wearing matching pink, capri pants and the whole ensemble is making me feel so feminine. I know. I really need to get a life when a cheap t-shirt and some cheap-ass pants make me feel feminine. The shirt is smaller than I've ever worn in my life, a 4-6 and the pants are an 8-10. Nice!

Happy Mother's Day!

What a day, yesterday! It was like I totally got hit by a tornado. Everything in my work-life world was picked up and dropped fifteen feet away. I'm working on a project that I ended up taking home with me last night, just so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed today. I am so glad that I did. To describe the project is much too complicated, just know that it involves about ten other people, all of them stirring things up. On top of that, my stomach was flip-flopping most of the afternoon, due to the new food I had given it.

I ended up skipping my lunch (I know, I know. Don't skip meals.) but, I really didn't have a choice. I was so freaking busy. Then, I got home and made a good dinner: Grilled chicken breasts, corn on the cob and Angel hair pasta roni. It won rave reviews. I love those McCormick marinades. Those, combined with my George Foreman grill, can create a masterpiece.

I did well today with my workouts. Thirty minutes on the treadmill this morning before work and thirty minutes on the elliptical trainer at the gym, during lunch. Tomorrow, I have a lunch date with a friend, so I won't be able to do my mid-day routine. I think my body has adjusted nicely to solid foods again. I think it just wasn't sure how to handle things, yesterday. Hello, I wasn't sure how to handle things, yesterday. Thankfully, today has gone much smoother. I still have a lot to do, but at least I don't feel like a crazy person.

with Brim. Anyone remember that commercial? I was thinking I feel "Filled to the rim" and then remember that commercial. Man, am I dating myself!

So, I just ate my monster breakfast and it was very yummy: pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns and bacon. Oh, Atkinsers cringe! Total carbo load, but I'm feeling no guilt. It was good, I'm full and I didn't eat everything (but believe me, I tried). The thing about pancakes, although I really love them, is that they can get dry so fast! Even that's too much for me. I had my King's breakfast, I'll have my Prince's lunch and my pauper dinner today. Somehow, I have a feeling this breakfast is going to run a number on me, if you know what I mean. It's like the time I swore off fast food for three months, so I could treat myself when the family went to Vegas for vacation. I had the runs the first two days we were there! Sorry, TMI, I know. I'm convinced it was the grease, just like the grease from the hashbrowns I ate this morning. I guess I'll soon see.

Today's weight came in at 164.5. I'm not sure how solid that is, since I did fast for two days. It could be that by next Wednesday, all the water will be back. Who, knows. I think my TOM is due next week too, so I'm not sure what will happen. I like seeing the scale number come down a bit each week, but I know I have to be realistic too.

Oh! BTW, I did purchase those space bags Friday night. I got them at Bed, Bath and Beyond (they had rebates for them and everything). They're pretty good, but they don't get as flat as you see on the infomercial. Mine were lumpy and bumpy, but the air was gone (which is a good thing). They freed up about four shelves in the spare bedroom....nice. I'll be getting some more soon.

Lots of meetings on the calendar for today (ughh!). Guess I'd better get started.

I'm on day two of my fast. I've decided that tomorrow morning when I resume eating, I'll get myself a good breakfast (because my oatmeal will probably just make me mad and I think my garden burger has some serious freezer burn. Yuck!). It's been good. My mind is sharp and alert, I feel a sense of calm I haven't felt in a while, and things are becoming more clear. I'm sure this is just what I needed. I'll have to be careful tomorrow and not over do it. Two days of fasting will require a slow transition back to solids because my already sensitive stomach will turn flips with too much food. The worries I had a couple of days ago, revolve around my work and my daughter. We work 30 miles from our home. My daughter attends daycare here in the city where I am not too far away. Next year, she will be five and will be starting Kindergarten in the city where we live. I refuse to work that far away from my baby. I don't want the school nurse to call some day with an emergency, then I have to respond, "Okay. I'll be there in 30 minutes". It is completely unacceptable to me. That means, I will either have to change jobs or change my hours here to part-time and work from home. Either way, it will be a big change for all of us (and there's no guarantee that my boss would even go for me working from home all the time. He really likes that I'm here in the office. If you haven't already guessed, I've asked him about this before). Also, who's to say I could find a job in my small city that pays what I get here. It's not even the change that was bothering me (I'm an Aquarius. I live for change!) but the uncertainty of what will happen. We are a two-income family and we rely on my paycheck and my husband's to live the lifestyle we enjoy. Granted, we're not rolling in it or ballers or anything, but it's necessary that I work. My current job is okay, but there is definitely a ceiling here which sucks. There's no where for me to go. Everyone here has a masters or PhD and you have to have one or the other to move up. Not only that, these people are not ones for allowing you to move around in the company. They make it very difficult for anyone to even move laterally.

So, I haven't moved. Almost four years here, and I haven't moved. At my last job, I was promoted a month after starting from Admin to Manager of Communications. Everywhere I've worked, I've made enough of an impression to move up or around. It's so frustrating and it gets more frustrating by the day. That's entirely why I broke down. The economy is terrible, so the things that I am qualified for, are not readily available. It was just all getting to me and I finally cracked. After my little prayer session, I realized that I had to make some internal changes, before I could accept the external ones. As I said, the fast has been good. I feel like I'm ready to take on whatever God wants to give me. Change is hard, but inevitable and sometimes, it makes for a much better situation than you were in before. I have to remember that I am a soul standing in a maze. I can only see what's in front of me, but he can see the whole maze. (Being an idiot human, I'm probably standing just around the corner from the exit). If I let go and allow the guide to come in and help me, everything will be okay. I really believe that, now...I feel bad that it's taken this long, but it's never too late.

With last week's check, I lost my mind a little bit. I went out and bought The Love Below/Speakerboxxx and Elephunk and I'm loving both. It's been a while since I purchased music and I figured, I owed it to myself to get a little culture in this culturally drained state I live in. I won't wait so long again. Talk about ambitious! This two disc collection by Outkast is the shiz-nit, for real. I also watched VH1's Driven series, featuring the group. If life had happened a bit differently for me, I probably would have ended up in school with these guys (both born in Georgia, same city, the same year, and they attended tri-city, which is probably where my parents would have sent me ). I also thought about the wonderful blend of this duo. Also, like me, they were raised on the pop music of the 80's (Duran Duran, Madonna, The Cure) while still appreciating the hooks and rhythms of early hip hop. They are so different, but blend so well. Turns out, Andre is Gemini and Big Boi (Antwan) is an Aquarius (like me and my hubby). Far stretch, I know, but I saw similarities. I'm also digging B.E.P. Did you know Fergie was Stacy Ferguson from Kids Incorporated and Wild Orchid? I saw her perform live with Wild Orchid as one of the opening acts for Cher in 2000. She's got some chops on her, that girl. And talk about an image overhaul! She used to look like a Barbie, now she's got that ghetto B-girl thing going on. It works for her. I just hope this is the true her, and not some act for the sake of being in the group.

The weekend went well, food wise. I did splurge on Saturday and got a burger from one of those old fashioned 50's burger joints in my neighborhood. It was really good and I was satisfied afterwards (I used to eat a hamburger and crave another one, because they never seemed to touch the bottom of my stomach).

I've been struggling with my crossroads issues and ended up breaking down last night. Hubby was wonderful, as usual. The crazy thing was, I didn't even know why I was crying until I started talking it out. I ended up sitting outside on the front stoop, for a while. I watched the sun set and the stars awaken. It was truly beautiful. I took a few moments to pray and ask for the clarity I've been searching for so desperately. Afterwards, I went inside and messed around on the computer for a couple of hours. Climbing into bed at 10:30 (late for me), I went to sleep pretty peacefully. This morning, on the way to work, it came to me: I have to fast for two days. If your not a spiritual person, then this may not make any sense, but it made total sense to me. You see, I feel like God is always talking to me. Sometimes, my ears are erect and heartily soaking up everything he has to say. Other times, I'm in total deaf-mode. This morning, I was fully aware of the reasons why and understood that my clarity of mind will come if I clear my body first. I am allowed liquids of all kinds, except alcohol. It's not about weight, it's not about proving something, it's about finding out what I'm supposed to do and, hopefully, begin my journey again in the right direction.