I can't quite seem to get out of this funk (bitchy mood, according to hubby). I'm not sure if it's the moon or my hormones fluctuating (you know, going back to normal after TOM. God, I hope that's what it is so I can finally stable out). Anyway, I was in meeting after meeting today (which is why I was unable to post this morning). I've also started the new supplement I talked about a few days ago. Hot Rox. Hubby has me on half the dose but, I missed a pill this afternoon, due to all the meetings. The first pill I had I took just after dropping off my little one at school/daycare. After about 6 or 7 minutes, my vision did something weird...a kind of equilibrium, off balance sort of weird. I'm not sure if it was just me or the supplement kicking in. I was going to pay attention to how I felt, after I took the second pill but, that never happened. I suppose I'll run my experiment tomorrow.

I wore an outfit today that I bought when I was in highschool or college. It's an 11/12 with absolutely no give. It fit perfectly. So, I wondered if it fit just right because it's polyester and there's no give or if the sizes have changed a bit in just these few years. What I mean is that if you compare the sizes of clothing from say 1950 to what we wear now, there's a huge difference. Most women measured quite petitely, back in the day. They would be considered a modern size 4 or 6, but that was the norm. The size that was displayed in their clothing, may have said 14 or 16. With each decade, clothing manufacturers "adjust" the sizes. It's basically a "feed the mass's ego" kind of thing that's occurred over the past few decades. I can't remember if I mentioned this before but, huge retailers like the Gap already do this. A four from the Gap is really a six or eight from other retailers.

My mother was telling me that they're getting ready to change the sizes again (not sure when). So, I'd be a 6 or 7 when it happens. I think it's so crazy that they do this. Everyone knows that the obesity problem in America (and the UK) is out of control. Why are they blinding people into believing that they are fine and healthy the way that they are? For a lot of people, our size alone is what motivates us to get fit and stay healthy (not that it should always be a determine factor, but that's how many women think). Man, if I purchased a size 4 skirt and could get into it, why would I work to improve myself? I'm a size four, right? Unbelievable! Then, where does that put those folks that are already a 0 or 2, back into the children's sizes? I guess that's the only place you can go, or maybe they'd make up some kind of uber petite section in the stores.

What they should do is base sizes on measurements like in other countries. That makes more sense. A 34 means you're 34" throughout the chest and back from some countries (34A, 34B or 34C to be specific). That's what you are, so that's what you wear in a blouse, for example. I don't know. My feelings about this are pretty strong. I guess it's that not appreciating the way marketers force the consumer into a corner. It really pisses off the hippy in me. But, I'm really digressing.

The outfit today was black - a skirt and front-zippered top. I received many compliments, but thought it odd that it was a "right on" 11 (when I'm sporting a size 9 and 10 these days). I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Have I made progress? Do I look different than I did in highschool (body shape, wise)? I think I do. I was checking out my hips in some of my pictures and they are way more pronounced than they were in high school. I guess child bearing will do that. Oh, man. I wonder how I'll look 10 or even 20 pounds from now? Will I recognize the new me because I really will be new. I won't ever look like I did 10 years ago. That seems so weird. Seems like if you drop weight and go back to a size you once were, you'll look like you did when you were that size. Not true in the least (well, maybe for some people). I don't think that will be the case for me.

Labor Day weekend is coming and I have no plans. Hubby will be working through it, so I suppose I need to find something for me and the babe to do. Too bad there aren't any kid movies out right now that I can take her too. Perhaps I'll take her to the park or roller skating. We've been hanging out in the 70's and 80's the past couple of weeks. It's been really nice feeling that fall tinge in the air.

That's the best way to describe how I'm feeling today. iMood had a variety of ways to describe this feeling, but I settled on sad. I had a pretty nice weekend, but the moon was full and had my emotions on overdrive. It was like I was pmsing all over again (not a nice feeling to say the least). I was snappy, rude and overall not great fun to be with. When I saw the moon this morning, I knew what was going on. Oh, I know. Some people think that's just an old wives tale but, I believe the moon has a huge effect on human beings. Think about this: a satellite that actually controls the tides in our oceans and dictates weather trends. Remember, we are 80 to 85% water ourselves. You can't tell me that it doesn't have an effect on us as well. Anyway, I'm still feeling like this and I'm sure it won't dissipate until the moon begins to shift again.

Over the weekend, we went to the Ogden Balloon Festival which was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, we did not get to see any of the balloons taking off (they did that part at around 6:30 am that morning, much too early on a Saturday for me). We did get to visit the booths, venues and rides. The babe received her first pony ride Saturday. She loved it! I felt a bit bad for the ponies. They looked bored and I wanted to unhitch all of them and let them run free (probably wouldn't have set so well with the owners). She also got two air-brushed tattoos, which she is becoming more and more miffed about (they are starting to disappear and she is not pleased). The most interesting part, for us, was walking through several motor coaches. Hubby and I would never consider buying one of these (first off, because they're too damn expensive and secondly, we're not ones for camping). However, these were absolutely beautiful! I could certainly see why some superstars prefer riding in these, rather than flying. You have everything right there! Kitchen, washer, dryer, shower, bathroom, queen-size bed, dining area, love seats and coaches. Even the driver's and driver's side seats are reclining easy chairs.

Hubby and I see people around here driving them all the time. Utah is a big outdoorsy state, so it makes sense. Goodness! I'd be afraid to drive one of those things. No wonder you have to be trained to drive them. I suppose it's close to driving a freight truck or something. Hubby's friend has one (they are quite wealthy) and it has a chandelier. A freaking chandelier! I can't even imagine.

Well, for one who is as jumbled up as I am right now, that last passage sounded pretty enthusiastic and it was (see what I mean by jumbled)? I hope the rest of the day gets better. You know. The first thing I thought when I got up this morning is, "Man, I don't want to go to work today." When I got here it was, "Man, I'm really tired of this commute." Boy, am I ever and it's not even winter yet when I really start getting fed up with it.

I'm wearing these print pants I bought last year. They're really cute and something that you wouldn't find at an ordinary department store. The print displays WWII, Ms. America winners all over. The pants are blue and off-white. They're a size 12...and they are literally staying on me by the grace of God (no belt loops, so I couldn't wear a belt). But, I really wanted to wear these pants again. As I said, they're super cute and go great with my angel sleeve, silk top that I'm wearing (let's also not forget the Italian mules with the rhinestones) No one is in my office, hardly, and already I've received three compliments. Great for the ego.

I suppose I won't be able to wear them again, but I refuse to give these away. I know, I know. You hear all the time that after you've dropped weight and if you're continuing to drop weight, you should get rid of all your fat clothes. Well, I just love these pants too much. Maybe they'll be my one treasure from my fat days. That seems so weird, saying that. Not that I'm where I want to be yet, by any means. I'm just not the same person I was in January (body person, I mean).

I'm having a protein packed breakfast (I was craving eggs this morning). The other day when I had eggs and potatoes, it made me feel good all day. I suppose I'll need to find some "easy fixings" in those two areas (much cheaper than stopping and buying, although I think that's perfectly fine to do, sometimes).

I feel badly. I haven't watched any of the Olympics this year. Perhaps it was the surgery and the recuperation period. Perhaps I'm just not that interested, I don't know. Normally, I would be glued to the gymnasts and swimmers, but I haven't seen anything! The winter Olympics will be in Italy in two years. Those should be exciting. I hope I have the motivation to watch, then. We really loved having them here. My hubby worked police patrol in Park City and saw lots of celebrities. He even met Ving Rhames (Marcelas from Pulp Fiction). But, I digress.

No big plans for the weekend, just laundry and hanging out. I don't even want to do anything, per se. I think I might trade some old DVDs and get new ones (we have several that we've only watched once and have no intentions of watching again). That way, I'll at least get out of the house.

Once last thing, one of the items I ordered from eBay arrived last night. It's lovely, but I look like a total prostitute (well, how could I not? It's a backless halter? What in hell was I thinking?) I may save it to wear just for hubby. He loves naked clothes. We very rarely go to clubs, but I'd even be self-conscious wearing one there. Maybe if I were really drunk....

This morning, my little one and I were making our commute into town. We were listening to the radio and every so often she would say, "Mommy, what's this song called?" and I'd do my best to tell her, if I could even distinguish a title. At close to the end of our ride, she says, "Mommy, I miss my daddy." Well, my heart just broke. "He didn't come in and kiss me goodnight, because he was sleeping. I don't see my daddy." That's about when my hard crumbled into a million pieces. She's right. This changing shifts business has gotten his sleeping habits all screwed up.

initially, he was supposed to work his shift, then come home and go straight to bed. A little before we get home, he's supposed to get up, and be available by the time we get home. Unfortunately, he's all wired from working and can't fall right to sleep. The last couple of days, he's been up all day doing one thing or another then he crashes by the time we get home. Therefore, neither myself nor the babe have any quality time with him. I guess I hadn't notice how much it was bothering us because last night, I didn't sleep well at all. The babe kept popping awake too. Then, I turned my alarm clock off and almost slept the day away. Luckily, I woke up fifteen minutes before we were supposed to leave (luckily?). I called him on his cell phone, on our way to work and only received his voicemail. I can't remember, but it seems like he has an appointment today with a trainee. I can't even keep up with his schedule anymore!

Something will have to change because this is just how it was when he worked on swing shift, except now it's worse. There's a child involved. Not only that, he's actually home, but we can't do anything about that. Waking him up is like waking up the dead. I can't believe we have to endure this for a year. Oh, brother.

Well, not to be all doom and gloom today. I do have some promising news. As I've been checking the classifieds, things are looking up. I'm starting to find things that I qualify for and that pay a decent amount. The trick is the pay. I'm at a point in my life where I know my worth, so that's what I want to be paid. It may prevent me from obtaining certain positions, but I really don't care. I work hard and am good at what I do. Most people feel like they should be paid what they are worth, well now, I'm acting on that. I went to school, I've gained experience and have definitely paid my dues. It's my turn.

I feel like I should have balloons or a really cool flash animation that showers this blog entry with sparkles. (Okay, maybe that's going a bit overboard for just 100 entries). I'm always up for a celebration.

You will note to the left that I have successfully dropped one half pound, despite TOM showing up yesterday. I was very happy about that this morning. I felt heavy, bloated and generally unattractive. It's always nice to be proven wrong with the wrong is a benefit to yourself. I'm still sore in the gums, but it gets a little better everyday. In fact, one week to the hour ago today I was under the fog being drilled (hmm, that last bit probably reads a little sordid, but you know what was going on). Two hours later, I would have been rambling to my hubby in his truck about who knows what. Poor, guy. He's suffered with me through so much. He's a good guy. He really is.

I was mistaken with yesterday's gym Olympic prizes. There is a dinner and a movie certificate (I think I just said dinner, yesterday) and several training sessions but I saw nothing about massages. Oh, how that would have been nice for someone (maybe, me). I don't know why they didn't do that. It would have been a good selling tool. Get someone hooked on massages then once all the freebies run out, they'll start paying for them for sure.

My girlfriend emailed me about any plans for a summer vacation. When I told her about the stuff that happened at the end of July (you'll remember that we were planning for Vegas when my mother decided to pull out two days before the trip and how pissed we were), well it all started flooding back and I got mad all over again. I really wanted to get out of town, you know. There's some inherent need in me to vacate the state about every 7 or 8 months. The same was true when I lived in Tennessee. We would go to Atlanta or Daytona. That was usually just enough to quiet my nomadic spirit. I'm in need of travel! Granted, all I really have to do is drive a few hours in any direction and I could be in Idaho (joy! - notice the sarcasm?), Wyoming (ultra, joy! - no way in hell), Arizona (Now, that could be fun), Nevada (oh, please! Take me away!). It's probably not going to happen until next year. Well, maybe that can be my big 30 birthday present. A trip away with all the thrills and spills I want (I'm dreaming, right?).

I really am. My gums are still a bit sore and I'm still feeling like I should adjust my jaw or something, but other than that, I'm feeling more like me. I'm very glad about that. It's always hard to adjust and then readjust after a surgery or procedure or whatever. Even with eating plans, you have to do some kind of adjusting and if you go off for a while a readjustment back to whatever the plan was. I fell back into the plan with grace, I must say. Yesterday, I was in the 1200 calorie neighborhood and it felt good. Not only that, I did two workouts (one morning and one at lunch). I plan on doing the two again today.

The gym Olympics appear to be going well. Now, there's a big billboard in the lobby that shows what the prizes will be: 2 roundtrip tickets to anywhere JetBlue flies, one dinner for two, and 12 personal training sessions. You know, if I won those personal training sessions, I would be royally pissed off. Those trainers look like twigs and have nothing on my hubby. I often wonder how a personal trainer can even self-promote when they don't look like what they're advertising. Granted, they don't have to be super buff body builders, but they do have to look like they're tone, in good shape and have a clue of what they're talking about. I think another one of the prizes is a series of massages. Now, that's something I can definitely get into. Who knows, though. I may end up with a water bottle and a carton of protein bars.

I'm still taking the L-Carnitine in liquid form. I can't tell if it's making a difference or not. I've had so much going on, what with the surgery, water retention and impending TOM. I guess I really won't know until the second or third week of September. Bummer. Hubby is also investigating the idea of my taking Zantrex-3 or Hot Rox. I've done my homework and discovered that both are very expensive (he claims that he can get them both very cheap through his "resources". My hubby - the supplements dealer. ) I also did some research on their ingredients. Hot Rox is probably more up to speed with what I'd prefer. It has to do with enhancing natural metabolic reactions, where Zantrex is full of caffeine and other stimulants. I can barely drink a cup of coffee without climbing the walls. That stuff would have me on overdrive. (I took Ripped Fuel for a time, a couple of years back...and this was still with Ephedra. Holy cow! After about a week, I was done with the stuff. Seriously. It was like what I imagine being on speed would be like.) Even though Zantrex-3 doesn't have ephedra, the caffeine alone is enough to make me not want to take it.

On a different note, I've been working hard on preparing meals at home this week. This morning, I seasoned a whole fryer chicken and dug out the rotisserie so that when I get home, all I have to do is put it on the spit and viola! Dinner in an hour. (The babe will have time to tear-up the concrete with her birthday big wheel for a while. She's so cute on it and it brings back so many memories for me).

Well, I suppose I better get back to the gazillion emails that are awaiting me. TTFN!

I'm back and boy is my jaw sore! I'm hoped up on Ibuprofen, right now. I didn't dare bring my Loritab's to work (I'd probably be passed out on the keyboard right about now). It was pretty freaky. Well, the whole knock-you-out-for surgery-purposes is always a bit freaky. It was as if I closed my eyes and then opened them again to a fog. Wednesday is pretty hazy and I don't remember much, except feeling really ill when hubby tried to feed me mashed potatoes. I actually had watermelon as my staple for that day. It was cool, refreshing and oh so tasty. Thursday, I managed to peruse around the fair grounds with hubby and the babe while still heavily medicated. (I definitely documented that time for our gym Olympics). Friday, we were at home most of the day, but we did venture out for a brief shopping excursion. That was also the day hubby was to begin the graveyard shift. Unfortunately, no one told him that the schedule had been changed and he was supposed to start on Saturday, not Friday, so he drags himself back home at 1 in the morning. What a mess!

Saturday, we hung out at home a lot. Most of this hanging out is me laying around in the bed doped up on many drugs. I'm sure the babe was way excited to be going back to school today (she'll probably be exhausted from all of the activity, when I pick her up). Eating has been a challenge all week, but I haven't lost that much weight (TOM is on it's way, so I'm holding on to water) I did weigh on Wednesday of last week at came in at 162. I was happy to see that again. Two days later, I was two pounds up. I knew it was water right away because I hadn't had much to eat.

I'm still in focus mode because I know that there are only a few months left until my birthday. January may seem like eons away, but it'll be here before we know it. In fact, the weather around here is on a sprint towards fall. No higher than the 70's today with lots of rain. Rain? We never get rain. Oh, and it's totally dark now when I leave for work. Another sign of the season's impending change. I'm ready, but cautious. I just don't want to loose this focus. I want to be skinny and fabulous in my winter duds. It seems almost unfair to want something for your physique, only to hide it because of the weather. I guess that's what I'll need to keep my fervor up for next spring.

I don't know what happened yesterday, but it looks as if my post went into crack fits. What the hell? I'm not sure what to do about it, aside from deleting it altogether (can you do that?). I'll probably just leave it as is and write it off as a fluke.

Tomorrow's the big day. I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I think I'll start to freak out when I actually get there. That's usually what happens with me. Even as a dancer, I was fine until the few moments before the performance, then the nerves would set in. After a tad bit of nervousness, I'd go out on stage and be fine (completely involved with the performance).

The food thing has been pretty good today and yesterday. I feel a lot better after my tea cleaning. Boy, that stuff really does the trick! I don't know how to feel about being on a diet of just soup (and maybe mashed potatoes or grits) the next few days. If I loose a bit of weight, my body will just hold onto everything when solid foods are reintroduced (see my "fasting" blog entries). I'm really worried about the emails that will accumulate in my inbox, while I'm away. My boss mentioned the same thing. I think the only thing I can do is pop in on Saturday, hopefully I'll be feeling better, and work through some of them. That way, I won't have a gazillion on Monday when I come in. My boss said that the Finance VP is putting an ad in the paper on Sunday. I was very happy to hear that, but I was not involved in the creation of the ad. Should I be upset? I think I should, but I just don't have the energy to fuss about it. I fuss about everything as it is.

Hubby rented lots of movies to keep me entertained while I'm bed ridden (or whatever the heck happens when you have lots of teeth pulled). I hope I heal fast and don't have to deal with this for too long. The county fair is this week and I'd really like to take the babe. They have free pony rides and carnival rides. I think she'd get a big kick out of it. Even if hubby decided to take her on his own, I'd feel bad. I like participating in those things that she's never experienced before. It's just such a treat to see her reactions. Oh, to be a mom.

One last thing: I was summoned for jury duty over the weekend. The date? Why, tomorrow of course. And, I couldn't call in to say that I was having surgery or anything until after 12:00 pm today. Well, I've been summoned a total of three times in my life (including this time). Each time, something has happened where I could not participate. The first time, they summoned me to appear on the same day as my wedding. The second time, I had moved here but they sent it from Tennessee. Today, I called and I got a message saying that the case had been settled. I wonder what will happen the next time? [smile]

Damn. I had a whole post and Netscape just went completely crazy on me. I had all this great stuff about how I'm truly going to focus (even though I did slip up a bit yesterday, only because it was my daughter's birthday party). I had one slice of cake and one slice of pizza; however, when hubby and I went to see Alien vs. Predator, we snuck in Wendy's burgers and fries. Yikes!

I know my goal and I know that the only way to achieve it is to buckle down and do what I've got to do. I have a little more than four months to get to where I want to be, and I believe I can do it in that time. Splurge days are fine, but even a splurge can be controlled. The holidays are coming and I can't loose it now or there's no going back. Once I crest into fall, it's too easy to say, "To heck with this! I'm having my cake and eating it too, the whole cake in fact." No. I can't be that person I was. I can't look at my nines and tens a couple of months from now saying, "I wish, I hope." No. No. No. That is not going to happen. I want to be slipping into 6's by Christmas. I want to be dawning on fours by my birthday (well, maybe). If this is really to be, I have to take charge and control of my life, as I did this past January. I can do this. I can make what I want happen and I will. I can be the healthy person that I need to be for myself and for my family. I will make this happen. I must!

Yesterday was the celebration day of the babe's birthday (her actual birthday is today. My daughter was born the same day as Madonna. Hmm.....). We had cake and pizza (lovely, fattening combination). But, did I mention that hubby and I had Wendy's while watching Alien Vs. Predator that afternoon? Man, am I feeling it today. Hubby calls them "splurge" days, but I don't think I should be having any more of these anytime soon. To help compensate, I jumped on the treadmill first thing this morning and walked for 50 minutes. I also brought my gym bag, so I'll be on the elliptical at lunch time. Right now, I'm sipping on my slimming tea (i.e, tea that makes you go potty in about four to six hours).

It wasn't a complete bust. We did swim on Saturday and I actually got into the lap pool and really swam in there for a while. Most of the time, we're just playing, but the lap swimming makes you totally remember why swimming is considered a sport.

I do remember saying that I had to focus and I really tried to, but with this weekend's festivities, it was very hard:

"Who are you trying to convince, the readers or yourself?"

"I don't know and I don't care. I think I'm just trying to get it out so it is out there."

"Are you expecting sympathy or reassurance, because I'm not going to give it to you."

"That's good to know and to hear. Maybe it will give me the swift kick in the pants that I need. I actually thought, while driving in to work today, just why am I doing all of this? What is the ultimate goal? Why to look hot by 30, of course. That's the goal and that's why I can't steer away from it. I've come so far. I can't turn back now."

"So, what are you waiting for, a sign from God? You already know what you have to do to achieve your goals. You know what it takes and you know how to do it, so, just do it."

"Thank you, Nike advertising. I will."

Yesterday was the celebration day of the babe's birthday (her actual birthday is today. My daughter was born the same day as Madonna. Hmm.....). We had cake and pizza (lovely, fattening combination). But, did I mention that hubby and I had Wendy's while watching Alien Vs. Predator that afternoon? Man, am I feeling it today. Hubby calls them "splurge" days, but I don't think I should be having any more of these anytime soon. To help compensate, I jumped on the treadmill first thing this morning and walked for 50 minutes. I also brought my gym bag, so I'll be on the elliptical at lunch time. Right now, I'm sipping on my slimming tea (i.e, tea that makes you go potty in about four to six hours).

It wasn't a complete bust. We did swim on Saturday and I actually got into the lap pool and really swam in there for a while. Most of the time, we're just playing, but the lap swimming makes you totally remember why swimming is considered a sport.

I do remember saying that I had to focus and I really tried to, but with this weekend's festivities, it was very hard:

"Who are you trying to convince, the readers or yourself?"

"I don't know and I don't care. I think I'm just trying to get it out so it is out there."

"Are you expecting sympathy or reassurance, because I'm not going to give it to you."

"That's good to know and to hear. Maybe it will give me the swift kick in the pants that I need. I actually thought, while driving in to work today, just why am I doing all of this? What is the ultimate goal? Why to look hot by 30, of course. That's the goal and that's why I can't steer away from it. I've come so far. I can't turn back now."

"So, what are you waiting for, a sign from God? You already know what you have to do to achieve your goals. You know what it takes and you know how to do it, so, just do it."

"Thank you, Nike advertising. I will."

Yesterday was the celebration day of the babe's birthday (her actual birthday is today. My daughter was born the same day as Madonna. Hmm.....). We had cake and pizza (lovely, fattening combination). But, did I mention that hubby and I had Wendy's while watching Alien Vs. Predator that afternoon? Man, am I feeling it today. Hubby calls them "splurge" days, but I don't think I should be having any more of these anytime soon. To help compensate, I jumped on the treadmill first thing this morning and walked for 50 minutes. I also brought my gym bag, so I'll be on the elliptical at lunch time. Right now, I'm sipping on my slimming tea (i.e, tea that makes you go potty in about four to six hours).

It wasn't a complete bust. We did swim on Saturday and I actually got into the lap pool and really swam in there for a while. Most of the time, we're just playing, but the lap swimming makes you totally remember why swimming is considered a sport.

I do remember saying that I had to focus and I really tried to, but with this weekend's festivities, it was very hard:

"Who are you trying to convince, the readers or yourself?"

"I don't know and I don't care. I think I'm just trying to get it out so it is out there."

"Are you expecting sympathy or reassurance, because I'm not going to give it to you."

"That's good to know and to hear. Maybe it will give me the swift kick in the pants that I need. I actually thought, while driving in to work today, just why am I doing all of this? What is the ultimate goal? Why to look hot by 30, of course. That's the goal and that's why I can't steer away from it. I've come so far. I can't turn back now."

"So, what are you waiting for, a sign from God? You already know what you have to do to achieve your goals. You know what it takes and you know how to do it, so, just do it."

"Thank you, Nike advertising. I will."

I talked to my best friend in the world, yesterday afternoon, for approximately 90 minutes (from work, no less). It was the best conversation I've had in a long time. It's times like those when I remember how desperately I miss having her around. Phone calls are great, but in-person is so much better.

We were talking about all sorts of things, but the stuff that had me in hysterics had to do with an event that took place about 8 or 9 years ago. Now, you have to understand my friend, who I'll call "T". She is very, very conservative with a bit of a wild streak. She's also very value responsive, believing that sex should be saved for marriage (she'll be thirty on her next birthday and is still a virgin). We have a similar up-bringing in that respect. In fact, my hubby was my first (although, I couldn't wait for marriage...believe me, I tried.) There are lots of things that are complete opposites, when it comes to us: she's tall, I'm short; she majored in business, I majored in the arts; she's very conservative, I'm quite liberal. Somehow, we make it work (in math terms, we cancel each other out). If I had to choose one word to describe "T" it would be prudish (It used to be really bad. When we saw our first "R" rated movie together, she kept hiding her face during the sex scenes. Give me a break!).

So, back to the event. It was late winter, or early spring. People on campus were promoting more parties and social activities, as the weather began to warm up. While strolling through the University Center (UC) we noticed a flyer for a "Male Revue". Well, I was intrigued and so was "T". We both decided it would be great to go together. When "T" told my roommate she wanted to go, my roommate looked at her in total shock. "You're going to the male revue, " she kept saying. Soon, others in our crowd found out that "T" was going. No one could believe it. So surprised and pleased was my roommate that "T" would even buck-up long enough to wan to go that, she volunteered to drive all of us. We even wore pseudo matching outfits (I didn't remember this part until "T" told me yesterday) - silk shirts and black jeans. So, off to the male revue we went.

When we got to the club, they had replaced all the regular lighting with red light bulbs. It definitely set the tone for the evening. The crowd chairs were set up in a semi-circle (that, I'm sure was designed to give everyone opportunity for a "feel up".) Still in disbelief that "T" was even there, we all sat in a pretty accessible area.

After a few minutes, the music started, the spot-light came on, and out came a gorgeous, chocolate man...gyrating and shaking all around the dance floor. "T" was mortified. While all the girls were chanting and yelling for the guy to, "Take it off", I thought my friend was going to go into convulsions from screaming in horror.

"What did you think was going to happen," I said to her.

"I thought it was going to be a fashion show!"

Miscommunication or a bit naive? You decide. At any rate, it was hilarious the rest of the evening because she kept trying to hide from the dancers, everything they came around her. When one tried to sit in her lap, it was all over. She pushed her chair out of the semi-circle and waited for the show to end. The rest of the guys were people we knew on campus, two of which were like our big brothers so, watching a brother trying to swerve around the floor made us a bit ill.

We laughed about it yesterday (thank goodness for maturity). We also talked about she and her boyfriend of three years, finally getting married next June. She directed me to a site that showed the dress she'd like. We talked about bridesmaids dresses and her color being royal blue. I can't wait! I've never been in a wedding and I'm sure being in a wedding where you're already married is much easier than being in one and still being single. The babe would be in the wedding too, since "T" is her God-mother. What a beautiful flower girl she will make!

Wow! I've been logged in for hours. Better stopped putting this on the back burner and go ahead and publish this puppy.

I've been killing mine, lately. There in the cabinet, just above my desk. Every chance I get, I'm snacking on them. I don't worry too much about munching because their full of goodness and fiber. The problem for me, currently, is that the fiber doesn't seem to be moving. I may have to drink my "special" tea , if things don't improve.

I'm down a pound today. Not sure if it's the water finally leaving or the extra workout I squeezed in at 11:45 last night (I was pretty stressed out - bit of an argument with hubby, so I hoped on the treadmill...hey, it's better than reaching for the fridge door). Anyway, I was on for 35 minutes, then I showered and crawled into bed.

We bought a new mattress, yesterday well, hubby bought a new mattress. It's incredible! It's just a higher-end Sealy (Stearns and something), but it was magical! I didn't realize how crappy our current mattress was until we slept on the new one. I mean, I knew it was crappy but now I recognize that it really isn't fit for sleeping by anyone or anything. When we moved into our first apartment, it was the right price and the right size. We weren't too picky about style or brand. Now that we're an old married couple who subscribes to Consumer Reports, things have changed drastically.

Tomorrow's Friday, but I really don't have any exceptional plans for the weekend. I'd like to go and see Alien Vs. Predator, but I'm not sure if that will happen or not (I'm a huge fan of both movies, in fact, Predator is one of my favorite action/sci-fi movies of all time. I think this has more to do with when I saw it during my childhood and so forth, not necessarily content and quality). Tonight, hubby and I will be doing our weight training program at home. I couldn't go to the gym today, due to an appointment during my normal workout time. Only six more days till my teeth come out...

As much as it pained me to change that 0 to a 3, I did it. So, I've basically taken two steps backward. Hubby says that a lot of what I'm seeing is the water retention from all the salt we ate this past weekend. By the way, it should also be noted that last weekend felt more like the vacation I should have had the week before. And in that, we enjoyed ourselves with food and drink.

To take the positive spin, I can look at last weekend as if it were my vacation period (since during my true vacation, it was basically a horrible nightmare and I ended up losing weight instead of gaining the pounds I expected). If that's the case, than I'm right on track. I always put on a bit during vacation. Also, if I can compare this to last year's vacation, I'm really ahead of the game (since I put on 7 pounds instead of these measly three). True, I still have to stick with the program and grab my focus again because, sooner rather than the later, the holidays will be here. Then, I'll be faced with sweet cakes and goodies, as well as the warm fall delights I so love. I'll have to be on the ball so that I can take my normal portion and be satisfied, rather than gorging and feeling bad about it later.

I think I'll take the positive spin, for not only the above reasons, but also because I am desperately trying to stay positive on the whole. Most of my coworkers are so negative. In fact, I made a conscious effort, yesterday, to drown out all of that nonsense. If I'm going to be here until next year, I've got to make the most of it and the best way to do that is to keep on the brighter (sunny) side of life.

One week from today, I will be in the operating room getting those pesky teeth yanked out. I can't believe it! Six days from today, the babe will be turning four...I really can't believe it!

I stepped on the scale today, just because. Ugh! I have to get it together, and this is no joke. How will I ever become the enchantress I know I am, if I keep eating those blasted cheetos! Hubby said it best last night, "Just because they're here, doesn't mean you have to eat them." But, in my mind, I do. They were purchased. They are in my house. They will not leave my house unless someone eats them or throws them away. Naturally, I can't throw them away because that's like throwing away money, right? Oh, but a thin person would say. "It's no big deal. They didn't cost that much." I guess those ideas you're raised with stay with you for longer than you want them to. I mean, I understand that it's all coming from those times when mom and dad forced me to eat and not waste food. They told me about the starving children in Ethiopia who would be so grateful to have what I had. I also know that I can't lay this on my parents feet. It's my decision. It's my choice to be large or small. I have to take a stand. I have to say, "Enough is enough." So, I'm saying it: "Enough is enough. It's time to get back on the bandwagon and take charge of my life and stop slacking. I'm going to be fabulous by 30. I will be fabulous by 30. "

Okay, so my prediction was right on. We could only make it through one week of celibacy. I can honestly say that this weekend was much, much better than last. (wink)

We indulged in too many carnal things, including food. Friday night, we went to the KFC buffet. Now, when you put those two, particular words together, nothing good can come of it. Although I didn't go overboard, it was still fried chicken. Saturday, I got my oil changed and whenever I do that, we always walk over to the McDonald's across the street for breakfast. I had my hotcakes and Canadian bacon, so not too much damage. At lunch, I had a salad (but it was a salad with all the fattening trimmings - tortilla strips, Santa Fe dressing, lots of cheese). It was sooooo, good but it was soooo not good for me. Sunday, I couldn't keep my hands of the cheetos hubby bought and on top of everything, I mad rice krispy treats (I had three...three!)

Right now, I'm snarfing down my cheerios like a good, healthy person. What I really want is a couple of scrambled eggs, some bacon and hashbrowns but I know Wednesday's number would look like a total catastrophe if I did. I'll drink my 64 ounces today (which I've been totally slacking on) and I've got my green tea (an aid to help destroy the dam...yep, it's still here). Mom is buying me and the babe Chinese food tonight, in payment for a computer project she needs help with. Chinese food=more salt=tighter dam. Ugh! Somehow, I'll have to remember to keep drinking water while I eat.

Why, oh why did I eat the entire rice krispy brick? It was good, that's why...dammit. It was just what I need to squelch my sweet tooth (it's been on over drive for the past couple of days). I've noticed that I'm having a time getting my 64 ounces of water down. It always takes a couple of weeks to get back into the routine, if I stray for even a few days. So, here I am not drinking water and eating sweets. Perhaps it's the lack of, dare I say it? Sex. Yes. That's right. That's the big deal with me and hubby, right now. We have ceased relations (supposedly) for one month, in order to stabilize our relationship, increase our communication (or mine, more specifically) and become the friends we used to be. The theory is that the sex haze will cloud the issues and make you think everything is okay. Hell! I must have totally taken it for granted because it's only been a little over a week and I'm about to die! Last night, hubby was in "jump my wife" mode too and had to leave the room because he couldn't handle it. I keep telling him that this was his decision, then he gives me that, "Thanks for choosing now to listen to what I have to say. Now, excuse me while I take a cold shower and a bath in ice." I suppose my sex life was more active than I thought. (Actually, I have confirmation that it's very active, based on a blog I've been reading for a while where the writer may experience intimacy once or twice a month.) I think I would start throwing things, if it got to that point.

I can't say this period of celibacy will last. I may turn into the irritating dog that humps legs because he can't get it anywhere else (let's hope I don't get to that point). Hubby claims that a merited psychologist says it's a great way to get things back on track. Great for him, maybe. Perhaps his wife wasn't "giving him the goods" on a regular basis, so he didn't really miss it. When it's as much a part of your marriage as eating or sleeping or talking and you suddenly take it away, there's bound to be added stress (something we really don't need right now, if you ask me, especially with hubby about to go on graveyards).

I think this is probably much more than anyone cares to read so I'll end by saying, I don't think this month thing is going to last. I think one of us will crack in the next few days. Either that, or I'll eat my way through a cake (and I can't do that if I'm ever going to see the 150's this month).

So, I'm totally loving this song! I burned it last night and played it in the car and just listened to it again at work. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Pay attention to the new JC Penney ads for the fall, back-to-school sales. Being the marketing person that I am at heart, I think this ad was brilliant planning on their part. It's trendy, the clothes the kids are wearing are stylish, their playing a great song and everyone looks like they're having a great time (despite having to go back to school). Perfect. Typically, with department store ads, they try to keep things on the conservative side. I think that's fine, when you're selling to the 45 - 65 age group; however, things have to be shaken up for the "younger crowd", if you want them to shop in the store. I was also very happy to see that, even though the clothes are trendy, the kids were covered (no hoochies, thank goodness!! I get so tired of seeing baby hoochies). I also noticed that one of the girls dancing in the classroom (this is a separate ad, they have two) is featured a lot in Missy Elliot's videos. That girl's got skills!

I saw Hidalgo last night. A very moving story but unfortunately the movie was lacking a bit (although, Viggo does add that certain punch, no matter what, doesn't he??). I'll review it, hopefully this afternoon so, be sure to check the links later.

I'm currently drinking a Nescafe Frothe to pep myself. I got about 5 hours of sleep last night. I think this, whatever-this-thing-me-and-hubby-are-doing is driving me a bit batty. He's right there every night, but I miss him a lot. I think I'm emotionally preparing for the switch to graveyards, along with all the other drama we're dealing with. It's not the best shift (he's done it before), but it's certainly better than when he was on swing. Swing shift nearly separated us permanently. I never saw him and our relationship suffered so much. Only single people and hermits should ever work swing.

We haven't trained this week together. Earlier this week, he said we would get together on Thursday. Today is Thursday, but he didn't mention it this morning before he left. I think he's somewhat trying to avoid me. This whole thing has me so confused. I hope we do get together, not just because I need that extra boost from strength training, but because he may lighten up a bit if we're in the gym together. His being so serious about everything all the time lately is for the birds. I need a vacation...a real one.

When we went to Park City last week, we visited a supplement shop and purchased my L-Carnitine in liquid form. Hubby said it would hit my bloodstream quicker and make more of a difference. Again, I've been off of it for about a week, so I'm not sure if it's taken any effect yet. I certainly hope it does soon. Oh, and it doesn't taste too bad...sort of like a sweet with a slightly bitter aftertaste, medicine. One last bit before I depart, the hoover dam has returned which makes me wonder how valid yesterday's number was. I'm hoping not very and I'm also hoping I can destroy the dam before the next weigh day.

My 600+ emails are down to about 100 now, thank God. I talked to my boss, yesterday, about the entire situation...my frustration, my crying jag when looking at all of those blasted emails. It was good to get it out. It may have pushed the hire date for my help up a bit. I'm very grateful for that...so very, very grateful.

I'm down a half pound for the records, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure it would have been a bit more, if I'd managed to do my treadmill walk Tuesday morning. I had the hardest time just getting up. I did manage to get in my 53 minutes this morning. Those Hulk episodes really help to keep me going...especially when they're intense episodes. It's like singing a song in the car; if it's a fast song or a song you're really getting into, you tend to drive faster (or slower). Whatever the case for you, it will effect your speed in some way. When an intense episode is on, I tend to walk much faster. If the episode is dragging, I tend to check my stats a whole lot more.

I'll be having surgery (for the second time) in a couple of weeks. This time, it's to get my wisdom teeth removed. I know I've talked about how I denied having them removed because they never hurt anyone, but now I'm kind of curious to see how I'll look once their out and my regular teeth begin to move back. Will my smile change? Will it make me look totally different? When I had my reduction, that was an immediate change. I know my teeth will probably take a year or two to settle to where they're going to be. It's should be interesting.

Things are still about the same at home. I should mention that the bombshell my hubby dropped wasn't like a cheating thing or infidelity. I don't want to give the wrong impression. Let's just say his ideas of where our marriage is and my ideas, don't exactly gel. We are a lot a like in many ways, but there are lots of ways where we are quite different. We are trying to figure out how to grow together with our differences. It's me again with my non-communication. My effort is to try and talk to him more, even if I think what I'm saying isn't as important or has as much merit as the things he's going through. It's tough, but I've got to do it.

The babe will start her dance lessons again in September. She is so excited and I'm excited for her. I'll have to make sure that we find a dance class for her in our city, whenever she starts Kindegarten.

It's really quite sad. Several days planned for oodles of fun turn into stir-fried crap on a stick. I thought after Thursday, surely things will get better. Well, they didn't. I didn't go swimming with hubby and the babe Thursday because I was in such a mood and furious with him for putting me off in order to meet his friends at the pool. Then, he comes back and lays a bombshell on me (you know, the kind that totally shakes your world). Afterwards, I was pretty much a wreck all weekend. We did go to Park City on Friday and spent an almost pleasant day together. Saturday, I played the Sims for a big chunk of the day, while he was away running errands and hanging out with friends. Sunday, we stayed home for a bit, then went to the mall for a bit of shopping (but I was still so frazzled from Thursday's events, that I couldn't really enjoy that either). Yesterday, I finally got a chance to go swimming, but it was a lot more of the same introspective thinking and contemplating my life, while trying to enjoy myself (not a good combination).

Today, I'm feeling vulnerable and totally exposed. I don't want to be here at all. I'm not sure where I want to be. If I were at home, I'd just be miserable there too, so I suspect being miserable here will have to do. (Oh, and it also didn't help to come into 616 emails. Damn! I was only gone five days!? Now do you see why I have to leave this place? Nobody should have to endure this. What jackass in my office thinks this is normal and okay?)



Mother made me feel better, thankfully. <7:38>

Let's pray this week goes better than the last one...let's pray really hard because I don't think I can take much more of this. I feel like a time bomb, not really at postal level, but maybe at run-around-the-office-screaming-pulling-my-hair-out level. I don't want it to come to that because I'll end up in a padded room, talking to myself.

It's probably better to just go ahead and concentrate on getting this mountain of work done. I sent a note to my boss telling him to look at the account and the asinine number therein. Once he does that, I asked him to let me know. I want him to be able to see (as proof) what kind of hell I'm up against. Perhaps this is just the ammunition he needs to prove it to the president of this backwards University, who doesn't think that we need extra help. That's still flooring me. My mother said that because we started off small, there is small thinking in the minds of management. She said that she's unsure how you get past that, but she's seen it time and time again. I don't have time for them to figure out how to get their heads out of their butts and figure it out. I really don't. The combination of passive-aggressiveness and small mindedness isn't working for me anymore. Something has got to change and soon. (Still praying really hard...).