I spent this morning talking to one of my co-workers about losing weight and this blog. Ultimately, it (the blog) was revealed to her. She is the first and only person to know who I am and connect it to the alias I use here. It was a little freaky at first, but she's a good person that I trust so, I'm not too worried about it. She, herself is on a journey of sorts. I believe she's lost somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty pounds by cutting out corn syrup products, white flour and cheese. She looks fantastic and I'm seeing the changes in her that I see in most people who drop a lot of weight. She's a confident person to begin with, but it's even more pronounced now. She's also showing a much more feminine side, choosing to be a bit more daring in her wardrobe choices. I've also noticed a new array of accessories that I've not seen before. Truly, she's enjoying the fruits of her labor.

Myself, I'd have to say I'm doing the same sorts of things. I've always loved big earrings (a carry over from the 80's) and now that they're back in fashion, I've bought a whole slew of them in the last few weeks. I especially like the chandelier styles.

Did you notice the number to the left?? It's down a pound. Could it be the L-Carnitine is making a difference already? I can't tell you how thrilled I was to see the three turn into a two this morning. How long has it been, three weeks? Lord, I thought I was going to loose my mind. I'll have to tell my co-worker who is also trying the L-Carnitine. He wanted to know if I saw a difference and I'd say this is huge, especially after three long weeks.

I went to my oral surgery consultation yesterday. The out-of-pocket price will be anywhere from $136 to $186 (best and worse case scenario...worse case being that teeth will be broken in the process of extracting). My wisdom teeth came in and were fully ruptured by the time I was sixteen. They never bothered me, but I did notice tenderness when it rained. When I was nineteen, the dentist suggested that I get them out. I turned him down flat, saying that they weren't hurting me or anyone else so, why should I take them out? Lately, as I've mentioned, my teeth have begun to crowd and now the upper-right quadrant is a bit infected. I asked the surgeon of the extraction would make a difference on the crowding. His response, "Not unless you see an orthodontist. What's there is there." Great; however, I somehow think that this isn't completely true. Not that I'm a dentist, but the body has a way of taking care of itself, sometimes, when left to its own devices. Just a theory and one I will test since I don't plan on shelling out big bucks for braces.

I updated the new movies area with the summer hits I've seen most recently. Not sure if we'll see Spider-Man this weekend. I'm not sure if the babe will get into it or not. She liked the first one but saw it at home.

Hubby and I talked about work and our prospects again, last night. His continuing comment was, "You just never know what can happen in six months." Hell, you never know what can happen in a day, much less six months. I can hope upon hope that the continuing changes in my life begin to take a positive shape sooner rather than later. I just have to keep hoping.

Well, I don't have to but, it's happening. I'm wearing this really pretty dress that's a bit off the shoulder...well, more than a bit. I can't wear a regular bra and push the straps to the side to wear it because the back is too exposed. If I try to wear a strapless, you see the big cups in the front (the dress is chiffon and makes a strapless look ridiculous underneath). Therefore, it's the "60's special" today, without the burning; however, the dress falls off the shoulder and wants to keep heading south. When I first bought the dress, it didn't do this. I can only guess that my back or shoulders have gotten smaller, which is good because I hate the big back thing. But, what am I supposed to do about preventing the nakedness all day?

Something really funny is that this dress was in the 8's section at the department store. Eight!! The tag says medium, so that could also mean a 9 or 10. Either way, it's not a 12 or 14. It's a gorgeous dress, red with subtle, large flowers all over(I'm not a flower person, but this works).It appears to be two pieces with sleeves and a bias cut. I love the 30's look and this is reminiscent of it. The bottom flares a bit and sweeps around the ankles. I have to train today, so I thought I'd better look nice (you know, first impressions and all). I don't suppose the trainees are ordering up titillation with their training. I'll just keep pulling up the sleeves like bra straps today. What fun.

I did quite well last night, after dinner. I made my version of shepherd's pie (mashed potatoes, ground turkey and whole kernel corn). After wards, I really wanted an oatmeal raisin cookie. I even wrote it down to include in my count. Then, I thought about it. I remembered how many fat grams I had left for the day. I knew that one cookie would take me back into the red, and I didn't want that. I also knew that I couldn't have just one. One would have turned into three and I would have felt guilty and miserable about it the whole night. So, I opted for cereal instead. It wasn't as tasty as the cookie, but it did satisfy my sweet craving (Bloody TOM, PMS crap!). I was up later than usual, so the temptation kept rising, but I kept fighting. It's all about self-control and the price being worth the pay off. This time, it wasn't. This time, I knew that I didn't want to see red on my spreadsheet.

I'll update my movie review page today. I've seen a couple of new ones, since I last updated. Keep checking back.

I thought I had it, but apparently I don't...especially when TOM is getting ready to make an appearance. Holy cow, did I eat this weekend! Saturday, I went to a voice over workshop (which was quite interesting and informative, by the way). I did well at breakfast, then skipped over to Panda Express for lunch. I did well there too. I thought I was doing well at dinner, but when I did the calculations in my head? Oh, brother! It's mainly the calories that are out of control. I know I'm supposed to be eating more, but this is much more than I planned. I weighed on Saturday to see if the two hours I spent on the treadmill had made a difference. Do you know what the scale screamed at me? 163. One hundred and sixty damn three. What the hell is up with that? It's my own fault, I know. And today, I have lunch with a friend at Einsteins. If you know anything about that place, than you know it's entirely too expensive for what it's worth and everything there has about 30 fat grams or more. I took the liberty of checking their website and found that there are a few items that won't kill me (I made a list). I've really got to get it together. Wednesday, hubby starts training me at my gym as well (too bad it isn't Tuesday cause maybe then I'd see a bit of a drop on the scale).

Wonder Woman comes out on DVD tomorrow and I'm so excited! I won't buy it right away, but I do hope to have it before the summer ends. She's my muse, my hero and my inspiration (no, I'm not a freak and it's more of a symbolic thing than anything). It's what she stands for. Woman-power all the way!

Despite the food-hell I went through this weekend, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm wearing a summer dress hubby gave me, these really cute, sassy mules and my hair up. I'm looking pretty damn good, for someone who is struggling to see the 150's. This week's mantra is self control: Self-control over my eating, self-control over my finances, and self-control over myself.

Well, that's the new plan, anyway. Hubby has officially joined my gym. That makes him a member of three gyms, that I know of. Insane? Perhaps, but you've got to gain your clientele somehow, I just never thought it would be me.

We will be taking my lunch hour to train together twice a week. I guess I'll have to buck up and get ready for the pain. I can't say whether I'm looking forward to this or not. I hope to have more feedback about the situation next week.

I'm going to lunch with my mom, today. It's back to the Firehouse grill since she's after salmon. Sometimes I think that's all she ever eats. Just like chicken: that's all my husband ever eats. One day he's going to sprout feathers and shuffle away.

Tonight, I leave my babe with my girlfriend. She'll be away two nights, so hubby and I are trying to plan some quality "us" time. It's always so hard to do that because we're constantly saying things like, "Oh, 'the babe' would love this," or "We can't do that because 'the babe' isn't here." I think we're going to see The Chronicles of Riddick this weekend. We both loved Pitch Black, but I hear Riddick isn't getting good reviews. We don't care. Man, it's enough just to see Vin Diesel on the screen. He's not traditionally cute at all, but boy there is definitely something about him.

I stopped at Wally world and bought the supplement today. I'm hopping all the little fat cells are being flushed out of their mitochondria as I type this. Keep your fingers crossed!

My sister is back! She came visiting at my office this afternoon. It was kind of wild because, I was at the gym on the verge of sweating myself into nothing when she walked in. I had just jumped off the elliptical trainer, when she ran up and hugged me...sweat and all! Eww! I felt gross just doing it, and asked her to wait until I showered. She didn't care. Man, that must be love.

After showering and returning to my desk, we sat and chatted about her adventures. Even though she would never return, she actually had some funny moments to share. After taking a look at her, she was very brown (my sister is what black folks call, "Light-skinned" so, saying that she's brown is really saying something). Her hairline was completely blonde. It was actually quite pretty, and I recommended that she color all of it the same way. She went blonde two summers ago and used the L'Oreal Super Blonde to do it. It was extreme, but oh so pretty on her. So, this summer she'll be blonde and (hopefully!) I'll be bronze. Hmm. Won't we be a sight!

She also brought me the $20 olive oil she picked up at a local monastery there. The bottle is beautiful and I'm almost afraid to use it! My co-worker suggested that I do, then use the bottle as a pretty decorative piece. It was a good idea. I guess I'll have to come up with something Mediterranean to cook, so I can use it (wanna use the authentic oil for an authentic dish).

I talked to one of our off-site co-workers about the L-Carnitine. I'm really getting psyched about using it again. I just know things will start to pick up. I've also reevaluated my food journal. I subtracted all those days I went over on my limits to see what I came up with, as far as extra calories burned. A measly 66...and that's from 1200 or so to start with! Oh, brother. Somewhere, I've gotten a bit out of control. I don't say a lot out of control because I've got the spreadsheet set up for "bottom of the barrel" calories, rather than what's recommended. I should be taking in more, and probably am compensating for the extra workouts and faster metabolism, but if I look at it that way, I'll just continue to take more and more liberties. Not intentionally, but definitely subconsciously.

So, tomorrow I'll pick up the supplement and a couple more canisters of generic Crystal Light. I'll also order the shoes from Payless that I want. The babe is staying the night at a friend's for two evenings. Not sure how I feel about that. It will be the first time she's away from mom at a person's house that isn't a relative. People tell me these feelings never go away, even after the kids are grown up. I can't imagine how I'll feel if she ever wants to go to camp!

I just did some back tracking with my food journal to see what happened after I started taking the supplement. I was in the realm of 176, in mid March. By the end of the month, I had entered the high 160's. Wow! I had really no idea what kind of impact it was making. I just didn't by another bottle after I finished the second one up because I thought, "Hey. It's probably just a hoax. I'm sure it's not really doing anything." But apparently, it was. Now, here I am stuck in eternal 163 not moving an inch. I know I haven't plateaued because I change things up practically every week. It could be my calorie intake on the weekends, so I'm trying to modify that. I just have this feeling that as soon as I start taking it again, I'll begin to see a real change (like I did initially). God, I hope so. I know things typically slow down, but this is ridiculous!

I saw Bad Santa last night, the dark comedy with Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac, Tony Cox and John Ritter (this was John Ritter's last big budget film, before he died). I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, even now. There were some truly funny parts, but oh man! The language! Not that I'm a prude or anything, but it was quite a lot. I also got that the foul mouth and everything was part of Billy's (aptly named, Willie's) character. I'd never criticize art and it's direction. I think it's a movie worth seeing and I think there is a valid message, but I wouldn't' want to own this one. I felt bad, though. I thought John Ritter and Bernie Mac had a fun chemistry. They may have done more movies together.

It's anything can happen day. It's also one of my coworker's birthday. It's so funny. The team right next to me takes everyone and their mom out for birthday lunch, but when mine rolled around, nothing. Just another example of how much I'm appreciated around here. I'm not going to be negative, I'm not going to be negative, I'm not going to be negative...

Last night, hubby and I installed the new washer and dryer. Well, we tested the washer by adding a small load of clothes, then started it up. Imagine our surprise when the spin cycle arrived and the machine took off...right out of the utility closet. It appears that the tub inside is loose, but it took 45 minutes of redistributing clothes, adjusting the legs, and reconnecting hoses to figure out what was wrong. I was really bummed too because last night was the second night of Salem's Lot (the remake that appeared on TNT with Rob Lowe and Donald Sutherland)It was really starting to get good, then the machine decided to go nuts.

We also have a new range, but I installed a plug that doesn't work. We're going to have to replace it with a three prong, simply because our house was built before 1996. I guess electrical codes changed after that point for new constructions.

I did really well yesterday, considering the weekend I had. I only went over about 100 calories. I've also thought about the lack of L-Carnitine in my system, now. I wonder if that's why my weight loss has slowed down to a crawl. On pay day, I plan on picking up some more. Well, I figure it can't hurt. It's natural and a supplement most people lack. I saw my greatest results while I was taking it. I'd say the experiment is officially over with seeing what will happen without it.

I'm working on another project at work. It makes me crazy that I have these things spring up all the time, and no help. Thankfully, I do have another girl helping me, but I have a feeling it's all for not. I think this project is going to show that this idea they have will not work. What a waste. It seems to happen a lot around here: you put lots of time, effort, and energy into something. Many man hours are lost, only to find out that the project didn't do what you wanted it to. People around here need to do more research and communicating with other departments before they just take a flying leap into the air. So often, they land in a big dung pile and not a pile of feathers.

My sister returns from Greece tomorrow. My mother told me that she was hit by a car, yesterday (more like bumped by the car, but still). Man, that girl has had some bad luck over there. I really hope it's changed her for the better and made her grow up a little bit. My mother says, part of it is her normal drama but some of it really is my sister having a hard time. I think she'll probably dine on fast food for the next month, savoring ever burger, burrito and fry she can.

Wednesday, we're going to take back the knockaround machine, since it hasn't even been 30 days yet. I hope this is one of those instances where something crazy and frustrating happens so that something good can happen.

Summer is officially here, but isn't it kind of funny to think that after today the days will be getting shorter again? A kind of signal to the season changing again on the very day it begins. Weird. With this change, it got me thinking about fall. I know. Fall is a ways away, but things tend to change dramatically in the fall (even with my eating habits). The cold air brings with it a need to pack on for winter, psychologically and sociologically. Cut rib-roast starts showing up buy one get one free at the grocery store. Of course, you have to have crock-pot wonders during the fall and winter. Warm soups that warm the body and soul, bubbly casseroles the make the whole house smell inviting. It just wouldn't be fall and winter without them. Then, the dreaded holidays. Oh, how they mock me! The turkey dressing starts calling my name as early as September. Will I be able to withstand the temptations that will toy with me, during the last months of the year? I'm really concerned about it, sense that was the primary reason I got back into the 180's by Christmas. The weight started to creep on shortly after our vacation (early October). I was a little bit heavier than I am now, but with much more muscle mass.

I want to be able to say, by September, that I have self control. That I'm able to eat those things that I love so dearly, without going overboard. Going overboard packs on the weight and I'd like to be able to look stunning at the Christmas party this year. It seems like I should be geared up for the tests, with as much effort as I've put in, but I don't know. I think it will be the ultimate test, since starting on my goals this year. I also think I'll have to keep making personal statements to myself, journaling all that I consume and write faithfully in this blog in order to make it. My birthday is in January and self-sabotage during the holiday months will thwart my goals completely, since it falls exactly one month after Christmas. I have to keep saying, "Wouldn't it be grand to be in the 130's by December?" "Wouldn't it be amazing if I could walk into Ross Dress for Less in November and pick out the evening gown I want, instead of settling for what won't make me look like a cow in the pictures?" "Wouldn't it be a dream come true to try on said dress without struggling with the zipper, hooks, buttons and having no problem with the way it looks, even though it may be something I never would have worn a year before?"

I'll keep myself as psyched as a I can, for the next few months. My girlfriend, who is also on a journey like mine, just said, "Is the price worth the pay off?" The Father's Day weekend was not an example of how I should be eating from here on out. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't role model worthy either. Hubby purchased my floor mat, yesterday, so that I can start back up with my weight training (He asked me to stop because I was sweating all over the floor and it's really not my or his wish to steam clean the carpets after every workout). Ross had them for $9, so we bought two (a black one for him and purple for me). We steered clear of the Denise Austin brand (I have personal objections to her).

My sister is still miserable in Greece. She emailed me last Thursday with all the trials she's going through. Yesterday, my mother said she was bitten by a spider. When the bite began to change colors, she high-tailed it to the doctor's. I hope they let her back through customs so she can see a real doctor, poor thing.

I drank some of my slimming tea this morning, to clean out my system from this weekend's craziness. It should be kicking in at around 9:00 am. Thank goodness for it's predictability. I hope it's "all clear" before I have to go to work out this afternoon.

I am not a freak; but, I do love Harry Potter. That's what I did today. I took the day off and me and my little girl went to see The Prisoner of Azkaban. It was wonderful! Much darker than the first two movies, but I think that's why this is my favorite out of all the books. Yes. I read the books...each and every one, including the latest. Ms. Rowling is a wonderful writer. She writes her children's novels, not in the condescending tone that can be found in many children's novels. She also reaches the adult audience in a most unique way. I've been very impressed, so far. My little one, even at three, was able to enjoy herself (that is, until she fell asleep. Poor thing. It was the middle of her nap time. She's definitely a scheduled kind of kid).

Afterwards, we went to Payless. I've been eyeing the new Starlet line that Star Jones came out with who, by the way, is one of the most irritating t.v. personalities out there. The shoes are cute, though. They didn't have them. The sales girl called four or five other stores in town and no one has them. Utah, I tell you what! Anyway, I decided that I'd order them next week (after I get paid). Shipping to the stores is free.

We then went to Sally's beauty supply. They had their Dark & Lovely Permanent Hair colorant on sale, buy one get one free. I'll be going bronze at my next 10% goal. I figured, I'll get it now while it's on sale and cheap, cheap, cheap. They also had some Theons. I was so thrilled! They discontinued them, but they had some in the back. This is some of the prettiest nail polish out there. What makes it so special is it's facets. It goes on one color, but as soon as the base coat is applied, it richens the color with luminescent facets. It's gorgeous! It's like having your hair highlighted, only it's for nails.

Then, we went to this warehouse, discount store called Buckoos. Their stuff is anywhere from 40-75% off. They have swarvoski jewelry (regularly $100+) for 75% off. I bought my best friend an earring and necklace set. I'll stick it in her cigarbox purse, with all the other goodies. I hope she likes them. I also bought a time, a DVD and a necklace set for myself.

At Target, I got the fixings for hubby's father's day breakfast tomorrow. I also picked up some California Rolls (love those!). I was good and only allowed myself three, along with some spiced ginger. Yumm!

Been doing okay with my eating, this weekend. We ate breakfast this morning and I swear, the pancake they brought out for my daughter was hanging off the plate! It's a mom and pop place that specializes dishes for the military boys here. It was wonderful. Hubby and I will have to go there soon together. I met friends there this morning.

I did buy popcorn for the little one, that I helped her eat. It's funny. I was satisfied after not eating very much. I tasted a Lime Diet Coke for the first time today. I don't know why people are so crazy about carbonated drinks. That's probably the first one I've had in months. They just don't do anything for me, except give me a slew of canker sores. I'll stick to my Crystal Light, thank you.

I've given up on the Noxema. It just isn't working. My skin still looks like creatures are borrowing underneath. It's awful! I've never had bad skin. Hubby says it's all the impurities my workouts are pushing out of my system. I don't care. It's gross and I want them gone. After checking Epinions, I found that Neutrogena acne-prone skin formula received rave reviews from its users. It was around $3.00 at Rite-aid. I'm sure Wal-Mart probably has it for cheaper (I had a rebate check, so there wasn't any money out of my pocket). I'll let you know how it goes.

Our offices are growing too damn fast. It's making me crazy! "Growing pains" is definitely an understatement. So, there I was at work, happily filing my emails when all of a sudden, several burly men walk in and begin disassembling our cubies. I knew it was happening today and I tried to call my boss about it, yesterday, but he got tied up in a meeting and didn't hear my message until today. Anyway, I would have stayed at home from the beginning, if I'd known they were going to make all that racket. Good, grief! At any rate, I'm now working at home. Everything should be back to normal? Tomorrow when I return. I sure hope it's, at least, partially normal.

I'm munching on my lunch and answering the emails that arrived while in transit to my house. It's amazing how popular you become when you leave a place. What's that all about? The babe is taking a nap in her room and the dog is trying to do the same on the office floor beside me.

I'm down half a pound from last week. Wow, when things slow up they really slow up, don't they? Of course, I know that my calorie intake has increased but doggoneit! I'm starving these days. Last night, I ate my dinner (a ham sandwich, side salad and half an oatmeal cookie) then, I nibbled on some fat free Pringles (Olestra included). Then, I decided I was still hungry and had a big bowl of Multigrain Cheerios. Then, when daughter dear didn't finish her spaghetti, I ate that too. What the hell?? I've really gotta stop doing that, especially at dinner time when the calories are just gonna hang out in my belly while I sleep. Focus, girl, focus!

It's so cool to say that! The pair I'm wearing, which were a tight 12 not too long ago, are now baggy in the seat on me (which means my enormous ass is getting smaller). Woohoo! No more "junk in the trunk" for me, okay maybe just a little.

These are my "safety" jeans. You know what I'm talking about: the pair of pants you wear when nothing else looks right or fits right, and you put these bad boys on and all is right with the world, even though you really can't breathe properly, but you still look good? I put them on today because I hadn't worn them in a while. Low and behold! It's really a beautiful and sad thing, all at the same time.

I have my bi-annual teeth cleaning today. The babe goes with me on this visit. I think her favorite part is the fluoride treatment, followed by a free search in the treasure trove. How would it be to be so easily delighted? Today, I'm going to take the plunge and talk to my dentist about removing my wisdom teeth. Yep. I'm almost thirty years old and they're still in there. Why, do you ask? Well, they didn't bother me coming in (a bit tender during puberty, but nothing I couldn't handle) and they're not hurting anybody, so I left them in. He asked me about them when I was nineteen and my response was, "Why take them out? They're happy in there." Well, happy or not my mouth is extra crowded and all my teeth are shoving together. Removing those pesky molars would allow for more space and room, instead of the beaver grin I'm currently sporting. I hope it works because I can't see myself doing the braces thing at this age. Even the clear ones wouldn't make me feel better. Those suckers, I hear, are terribly expensive.

I know. Why would I invite pain to my doorstep? Well, I plan to make it very clear that I will not do this without the use of several types of anesthesia (general being one of them). My idea is to wake up with everything done. Is that asking too much? I hope he goes for it.

My sister is in Greece right now and isn't too happy at all. She says its very dirty and the people are rude. I hope, if nothing else, she gains some appreciation after her experience there. She can be a bit of a spoiled princess at times. Most often, the world revolves around her and she expects everyone to be at her beck and call. On top of all this, she's studying to be an actress. Don't get me wrong, she is a sweet girl, but sometimes, I just wanna....

Boy, I'm off on all sorts of tangents today. Must be the excitement of only being in the office a half day. Who else could get excited about going to the dentist?

Boy, did I ever. The problem was that I was out and about getting my oil changed and my tires aligned. Because it was going to take two hours, my little one and I walked over to the shopping center across the street from Firestone. We went to Mickey D's for breakfast and had hotcakes and Canadian bacon (a great substitute for the overly fattening sausage). A good tip, but it doesn't mean anything when you eat the remainder of your child's breakfast too, while she plays on the equipment. It's pathetic, I know. I just couldn't throw it away. Then, off to Shopko to look around for my best friend's birthday present. I found the cutest cigar box purse and some sparkely things for her hair. There was also the cutest, personalized wallet. We then ventured to the "All a Dollar" then "Ross Dress for Less". Why oh why did I go in there? I'm not a shopper but that's one place I can't seem to control myself. I bought a new outfit and a blouse (to go with a skirt I got from Dillards, not too long ago). BTW, the blouse is cute, but it doesn't work well with the skirt and the outfit won't look quite right, for another ten pounds or so.

Two hours later, we were back at Firestone to pick up my car. Then, off to my mother's to do my little one's hair. When lunch time came, mother dear had nothing to eat so off to Taco bell I went. The fresco options are good, but the problem arose when daughter dear didn't finish her meal. I ate her soft taco for her, along with the added 200+ calories and 10 fat grams. Ugh! Not good.

After running my calculations today in my spreadsheet, I went 650 calories over board on Saturday. Thankfully, I did okay on Sunday, but I know the scale will show the drama. I'm sure of it. Oh, these 160's. Will thee ever leave?? Not if I keep cleaning my daughter's plate for her, they won't. Must stay in control...must stay in control....

I had a lot of great things I was talking about today. Really, I did; however, my preview got all screwed up and took away my most brilliant of writings. Oh, well. Basically, I was pondering what to do for my "final goal" prize. I was thinking boudoir shots, but I'll have to think on it further. There are only a few places in Utah that actually do them, since they're so damn prudish here. Then, as I typed, I thought of this elaborate scheme to drive to Vegas by myself and get them done. Not sure any of this will happen. I've got about 20 or 30 more pounds to think about it.

I took Wednesday off to spend with hubby. Today is his birthday, but he has hours of training to do. Yesterday, he had time off so I planned a little adventure for us. Unfortunately, I didn't get a great deal of sleep the night before (TOM arrived and succeeded in giving me the crazies for the evening). At any rate, it still turned out to be a nice day.

First, we took off to Ruth's Diner, a quaint little place at the mouth of Emigration Canyon. It's been around for years and is touted as having the best breakfast in town. It was good, but it was no Cracker Barrel. Next, we ventured to Red Butte Gardens. It was really beautiful, and not too hot to enjoy the several mile hike around the grounds. I took lots of pictures and hubby took a couple of me...in shorts.... I'll see how I fell about posting them, later.

We then headed towards Hollywood Connection, but realized it wasn't quite open. So, we did the mall walking thing for about fifteen minutes. Hollywood Connection is a theater/amusement center. They have bumper cars, and indoor roller coaster, a skating rink, putt putt, laser tag, and a video games area on the second floor. When hubby and I were first married, it was a place we frequented, but since we now have a child and live about 40 miles away, it a was treat to be there. What's crazy is I was so tired, but I really had a great time being a kid for a few hours. We were there until 2ish, then we went out for lunch at the Chinese Gourmet. Yumm! I love their rice noodles and it's one of two Chinese restaurants where I can actually get them (the other is even farther away). I didn't eat much, but I found myself uncomfortably full after just a short while. I drank sugar free stuff, but I missed my water.

After eating, we came outside to find it very cloudy. We rushed over to the daycare to pick up the little one, then headed home. I was going to treat hubby to a birthday dinner, but he declined. We ate ice cream and drank Long Island Iced Teas instead.

Believe it or not, I did my weigh-in yesterday and I was down 1/2 a pound, which is pretty surprising since TOM arrived on Tuesday (showing up at the gym...lovely). Today, it's raining and looking pretty gloomy outside, but I love it. Summer storms are the best. If only I'd taken another day off.

There's something about it. I'm listening to it through my Windows Media Player. It's smooth and sensual. As a kid, I always wanted to play the sax, but took up the violin instead (mostly because we had one at home and my parents didn't have any money, at the time, for buying really expensive brass instruments). I played for ten years, getting pretty good at it but I've never had a lot of faith in my ability. The last time I picked it up was almost two years ago.

I'm smoothing out to these crazy, jazz sounds to keep my mood mellow. I hope it works. I usually have some sort of music on while working, but yesterday, I somehow forgot to put something on. I felt a little off all day, and I'm sure that's the reason why.

In two days, my hubby will be 32. It's kind of funny because he's in the mix of the 30's and I haven't even gotten there yet. I know I'll experience all the trauma of leaving my 20's behind (I've been doing a little bit of that already). A couple of my girlfriends recently turned 30 and the same happened to them. It even happened to hubby when he turned. Turned. Like, they're all turning into some sort of freakish monster. Is that how it's perceived? A lot of people have said that, "your 30's are the best years of your life". I guess we'll see. I'm still hoping and praying that I'll at least be "Hot by 30". I definitely don't want to go into them frumpy and wearing a moo moo. I'd rather go in svelte and wearing a catsuit! Meow...

Last night, or rather this morning, I awoke at 2:30ish to cold sweats and tears. I had emerged from the mother of all nightmares. You know, as a child, nightmares are frightening and you are soothed by crawling into mom and dad's bed (or at least I was). When that wore thin for them, I settled for dragging my sleeping back into their room, then placing it at the foot of their bed. I think for me it was just being in their general vicinity that made everything all better. But, what happens when you become an adult? Thankfully, hubby awakened to my panic and immediately soothed my fears.

My dream involved me and my hubby. We were sitting in his truck during a torrential rain storm. We were obviously not in Utah (that kind of rain doesn't exist here). I also didn't feel like we were in Utah...somewhere northwest, maybe (even though I've never visited the northwest). Anyway, I had been traveling to see someone. I had returned after about a three or four day weekend. I probed my hubby to tell me about a female "acquaintance" we have in common (I think it was someone's wife that he works with). I asked him if he had been with her, over the course of my trip and he answered yes.....six times. Six times? I wanted to rage and scream. I wanted to break something, but all I could do was sit there. I was completely numb without the ability, even to speak (and that's really saying something). The dream goes on and gets a little weird, after that, but it left me really shaken. Hubby and I ended up talking for the next half hour about insecurities and fears. Obviously, this came from somewhere. It could have been the fact that I was watching the E! True Hollywood story about Laci Peterson or it could have been the fact that we were discussing to of his co-workers and their sexual exploits, just before retiring to bed. Who the heck knows. All I know is that I'm about to fall over at my desk.

I still managed a workout during lunch, but of course there was no way I was getting up at 4 to workout (not after the morning I had). We have to go grocery shopping tonight and, I gotta tell you, I may just fall asleep on the bread aisle (I chose bread because, if it's still pretty fresh, it should be nice and soft).

Crazy me decided to step on the scale this morning. It was not kind. I think TOM is on the way, but I can't ever be sure these days. I was active all weekend, so I'm not sure why the scale wasn't kinder. (I did my weight training, my 30 minute cardio and painted two walls within the spare bedroom on Saturday. Sunday, we went swimming).

Man, I'm sleepy. Two more hours...just two more hours....

I'm thrilled it's Friday, but I just wish it wasn't so hot. I'm sure the whole country is going through this peak of heat in some form or fashion. It's just getting a little irritating taking three sometimes four showers a day. Don't get me wrong, I love water but my goodness!

I'm down another pound today. Can you believe it? I know that it's not Wednesday and I shouldn't get my hopes up but, it sure was nice to see the number so small, this morning. Like I said, I can always tell when I feel a little lighter. It's almost as if I were wearing ankle or wrist weights and during the night, someone either takes one completely off or drains some of the sand out. I always notice the difference in the morning.

So, I'm nearing the 150's. Once I'm there, I will be back at almost college weight, which is sort of amazing. I haven't been that size in almost ten years. I put on a bit (a bit-o ten pounds) just after I married (most people do...it's a comfort thing. Newlyweds are going out, snuggling and cooking for each other. The weight just kind of creeps up on you. Sorry to disappoint all you June, July brides. Perhaps you'll be luckier than me). By the time I moved here, I was in the low 160's (like I am now). I had a gym membership and worked out all the time, but I wasn't really paying attention to what I ate (I ate whatever I wanted in college, too). Therefore, all the ellpticising in the world was just helping me maintain and not much else.

A couple of months before I became pregnant, I was inching toward the 170's. I remember because I was getting ready for my company's Christmas party. Hubby had bought me two evening gowns in my normal size, but when I tried them on, I was immediately horrified. The normal wasn't the normal anymore. I remember getting really agitated at him, like it was his fault. Looking back, I was probably about 4 or 5 weeks pregnant, I just didn't know it. I retain water like a dam, so that was probably what it was, at least at first. It didn't seem this logical at the time.

Anyway, baby weight became more weight and more weight. On the hospital bed, the day I had my babe, I was at a whopping 212 pounds. Knowing what I know now and having experienced such a rough pregnancy, things will be completely different next time. But, I digress.

We're moving our new appliances into the house this afternoon. Hubby purchased a new washer and dryer (which we desperately needed), and a new oven range (the flat-top kind without the irritating, old-fashioned, get so filthy eyes). You know you're a real grown-up when you get excited about appliances. Scary!

Still thinking that my amaretto sour would be a nice way to top of this crazy week.

What a day, yesterday. It just continued to get steadily worse from the time my boss arrived, to the time I got home to a very frustrated hubby. Ever have those days where you feel like you just can't do anything right?

First, the project I mentioned yesterday? Boss-man comes over with more expectations and tweaks, which would require more work. Of course, since I am working on this project due tomorrow, the phone would not stop ringing. Each call was some overly stressed, major task I had to perform. To top it all off, I received the bulk of my outside requests 45 minutes before quitting time. I got them done, but I had to really crank to do it. Then, the highway was a mess again (it was also the first day of real heat we've had, since last summer...around 85 degrees). I had to get off the interstate and detour, just to try to get home at a decent time. And with the gas the way it is, I didn't burn my air conditioning, so it was a freaking furnace in my car. Finally, hubby's all pissed because I'm not in the mood. Would you be?

I ended up on the treadmill again at 10:15 last night. Crazy! That makes four workouts for Wednesday (somewhere around 700 calories extra burned) and my body is totally feeling it today. I had to release somehow. I started out on the computer, then I sat outside and watched the planes fly over, then I decided to get on the treadmill. After my fourth shower of the day, I crawled into bed and went to sleep.

God, I hope today is better. I seem to have more of these crap days this year than I've had in ages. I hope it mellows off soon, or I may have to go postal on somebody.

I received a form in the mail that I have to fill out for jury duty. Jury duty? Oh, man. Just one more thing I need, right now. Also, I've been holding my car payment for a few days and if I don't' do it soon, I'll be late for the first time. Can't have that, nah, uh. I think I'm PMSing too, and did you notice the moon? I'm a total shambles. There will definitely be some Di Saronno in my future this weekend...on the rocks, with a splash of lemon juice and maraschino cherries, please?

Yesterday's drive home was a nightmare! It appears there was some sort of fire on the Interstate, of course, this would be the highway that I travel on to get home. So, there we are (the babe and I) sitting in standing traffic, waiting for something to happen. Forty-five minutes later, I'm bogarding my way through to the nearest exit and off to my mother's for a mental stop off. My daughter, being the trooper that she is, enduring the extra time in traffic to hold her tinkle, headed immediately off to the potty. I headed for the cashews. I finally got home at around 6:45, which is an hour and fifteen minutes later than usual. I was so tired and pissed, I refused to do my weight training; however, I did say that I would get up today an extra half hour early and get it in before my walking (something I said that I would never and couldn't do. Isn't that funny?) I did it. It's done. Now, on with other things.

Today, I'm supposed to create these reports for my boss. I've got a really bad attitude about this project and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because I've done these before. Perhaps it's because he told me this would be automated, so I wouldn't have to do these by hand again. Perhaps it's just that I'm so freaking tired of taking on the world by myself. Who knows, but I'm delaying the project even now by writing in this blog.

Well, I'm down another pound. I was actually surprised by this, considering the weekend. But, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, that's for sure. I still can't see myself being in the 140's by the end of the month. Hubby's expectations, I think, are a little high.

I'm out of oatmeal, so I had eggos today. It's really funny how the sales papers will give you great deals on the things they perceive as seasonal items. We stocked up on oatmeal during the winter when they'd have their 10 for 10$ sales. We tried to fill our pantry and I believe we succeeded. There are about three boxes left, but they're the flavors my hubby likes. So, I guess, we stocked up well since it's now June. I just wish they'd hold an occasional sale on these during the spring and summer. What? They don't think people eat warm items during the summer? Hell, people suck down ice cream during the winter. What's the difference? I'm just bummed because I refuse to pay four dollars for 6 packets of oatmeal. I suppose It's time to switch to the new, seasonal item: Cereal. The other one, that I see so much of, is frozen dinners. (People don't eat frozen dinners during the winter, I guess.)

Hubby counted our DVDs the other day. We have over 300, which equals to about $6,000 dollars if we paid retail (sometimes, we do. Most times, we don't). Time to alert the home insurance lady.

Our planning committee for this year's office party, decided on an Olympic theme. We drove out to the park we want to use, yesterday, and I think it will be loads of fun. Last night, I dreamed there was music, so today I'm going to suggest hiring a DJ.

Enough with the sporadic thoughts...I should probably get a cup of calming tea...

Grilled chicken, turkey, salmon...yum! I tried not to over do it, but sadly, it was not to be. My confession? A fabulously, fat-filled hot dog, on top of the dinner plate I already made for myself, superb deviled eggs, and about 80 oatmeal raisin cookies. Today, it's bloat city but I'm feeling no guilt? Why, because today is a new day. I started off on the right foot (oatmeal and Canadian bacon) and will continue to be on that "good foot" for the duration of the week.

Hubby referred to this month as "goal month". I didn't know it was goal month. Can I really be into the 140's by the end of June? I really don't know. What's up with this goal month? If I had known it was goal month I probably would have done the treadmill thing this morning, regardless of already knowing that I would be at the gym during lunch and it is, after all, weight training day. The funny thing is, I still don't feel bad about it. I should be trembling at tomorrow's weigh day number, but I'm not. I splurged this weekend, had a really good time, and I'm back at the game today (I don't think I would have been so eager to go back to good habits a few months ago. I probably would have just said, "who cares" and then committed myself to eating whatever the hell I wanted.) At any rate, it's all behind me now and it's time to press forward again.

I'm out of L-Carnitine and I'm not sure if I'll buy anymore. It's kind of expensive, so I'll probably wait till pay day to invest again. If next week's weigh day looks a bit off, I may get it sooner. I'm really not sure how much, if at all, the supplement is helping. I'd like to think it was doing a bang-up job of helping me become little, but there's no way to tell (what with all the cardio and calorie cutting I do).

Maybe the "I don't care" syndrome is a result of how sleepy I am today. It was so hard to get up, today. Three-day weekends will do it to me every time. Actually, I have short weeks for the next three weeks: This week, because of Memorial day, next week because I'm taking a day off for hubby's birthday and the third week to see Harry Potter with my daughter and a girl friend (We had thought about going opening day, but decided that we didn't want to get involved with all the freakdom that will be happening that day.) You know, the books were great and the movies have been too, thus far, but I don't revolve my life around Harry Potter. Some people really need to get a life.

(Check out the movie reviews. I saw a lot this weekend.)