Oh, lovely. The first day of my vacation and I'm riding the crimson wave. Why oh why does this happen during the most inopportune times. Yuck!

Yesterday evening got off to a great start. Hubby, the babe and I decided to go the the Mayan for dinner. It's a theme restaurant we used to visit a bit before we moved so far away. The babe was quite young, the last time we were there. She thoroughly enjoyed it last night. Afterwards, we went on a short drive then, back to my office to pick up my car. Somewhere between the short, pleasant ride and my office, hubby and I started to bicker. By the time I got to my car, it was a small battle. We've been at each other ever since. Of course, I know part of it is the PMS and I try to tell him that I have no control over it (except, of course, when drugs like Pamprin or Motrin are involved). He claims that I can control it. Men! What in hell do they know about hormonal imbalances...they're cruising on the same levels of testosterone all the time. They never have to worry about the influx of estrogen and the overwhelming need to consume barrels of salt and sugar (yep. The Mexican food was great last night with all of its wonderful salt, but I'm certainly feeling it today).

I hope the day gets better. I honestly don't know what to expect, since our plans have gone totally to crap. We talked about doing a few things, but who knows. Hubby is at the gym, working out some of his manly aggression and I'm here in my nightgown blogging. I did take the babe to the park, this morning and I also walked on the treadmill for 50 minutes (partially because I knew I needed to, partially because of all the fattening foods I consumed last night, and partially because of the need to work out some womanly aggression).

Oh, and since I didn't blog yesterday, I might as well tell you...no change. The lovely 159 I saw on Sunday was a passing fancy. I think the BBQ we had showed up on weigh day. Perfect! Three weeks at the same number. But hey, I walked nearly an hour, right? (Keep thinking positively, keep thinking positively, keep thinking positively, keep thinking...).

Well, sort of. I placed a bid on two items and sort of forgot that I did. Of course, I received notification today that I won both items. Yeah, it's great but I really don't have the extra funds for this stuff. I suppose I should except them both for what they are...investments. I bought a large print for our bedroom. It's a reproduction of Farel Pierre's "Rive Guache". He has others that I wouldn't mind owning, but I'll have to go slowly (since I've already gone above and beyond any spending I thought I would do this week). I also bought my Mary Kay items (finally). It's all the goal items I've missed out on, all in one shot.

Hubby is training me today and tomorrow (since I will be off from work Thursday through Monday). He's trying to get it all in, so that we can enjoy our vacation. Doesn't look like Vegas is going to happen since mom and sis bailed on us. All that planning and effort, down the drain. Oh, well. Hubby and I are going to try and make the best of it. We'll make lemonade out of all those dang lemons.

Not sure how often I'll come in and blog on those days. I'll try to make every effort to because the lifestyle change doesn't end, just because you go on vacation. The hard work and effort have to be a part of your daily life despite changes and hiccups. I still plan to get up and do a walk or jog on the treadmill. If not the treadmill, a swim or a hike...anything to keep active and fit. I've come too far to stop now. Hey, I'm nearly back to college weight and before you know it, it will be highschool size all over again (except, better because I'm missing two cup sizes...thank the Lord for that!).

Today will be busy at work because boss-man is trying to lay it all on me before I leave. Not that this is a bad thing, it just means I've got to focus the entire day. I'm having a hard time doing that, this week. I think I'm already on vacation mentally.

Friday was a recognized, state holiday here, so many people had taken the day off (I think I didn't mention that Friday). Anyway, the actual holiday occurred on Saturday and Saturday (as you all know) was the day of the fish fry. Well, I thought we'd have 6 or 7 people over, including my girlfriend. Six or seven peopled quickly turned into twenty. Whoa! I've never had so many people at my house, but it was great! Hubby has some fun, quirky friends (just as I've suspected all along). Everyone there, except my family and girlfriend, were cops. Even the neighbors across the street! They all seemed to enjoy the catfish (most having never tried any before). They were all my guinea pigs with the hush puppies, which turned out pretty good. The good conversation and liquor flowed throughout the afternoon and into the night. Hubby, along with three of his friends, were a little more than tipsy. Not one piece of fish to be found and all the hushpuppies were gone before the rest of the guests got there! I had two tiny little pieces and one hush puppy. I was starving by bed time. I really didn't know we would have so many people. Oh, well.

So, mix alcohol, fire and explosives and what do you get? Total craziness. This is what happened at around 7ish that evening. At one point, they through a fire work into the street that skipped over the curb and almost onto the feet of our poor (mentally disabled) neighborhood, who took off screaming down the side walk. Oh, Lord! And of course, my hubby and his friends fell down in hysterics.

Sunday, I awoke and decided to step on the scale. Drum roll, please? One hundred fifty-nine pounds. Yep! You saw it here. I was too ecstatic! I dug out the "Golden Bronze" hair color and completely changed my look. It's not as bright as I anticipated, but by the time I retouch my roots in six weeks, it will truly be golden. I really like it and so does hubby. I can't say if I'll still be at 159 by Wednesday (especially after having a big breakfast, later and Famous Dave's for dinner), but it sure was cool to see.

Last night, I painted the trim in both bathrooms (something hubby was going to tackle but instead, injured himself somehow. Then he decided that, despite injury,  he'd get the side-by-side refrigerator set up - connecting the hose so that the ice maker and water dispenser work). This ended up in an argument, all because he needed me to do something (what for, I don't know) and I was towards the end of painting and he couldn't wait 2 minutes for me to finish. When I get into the kitchen, he's all pissy with me because he says he needed me right when he called, but he doesn't need me know.  I ask him repeatedly if there is anything I can do, and he's barely saying anything. Then, when I ask him if he's going to be pissed at me for the rest of the night, he says, "No, because I won't be here the rest of the night." Oh, nice. Granted, he'd told me earlier he was going out with his friend (something he rarely does), but he just said it to make me even more upset. Well, it worked.  Whatever!

I woke up this morning all motivated to walk on the treadmill and burn off some steam, when the damn thing won't start. Then, I try it again and the belt tries to go around, then crunch! What the hell? I think one of my daughter's toys somehow got caught in the belt when we moved the treadmill back into the play room. Great! Our $600 treadmill maybe junked and I opted not to pay for the Sears Maintenance Agreement. What am I supposed to do now? It's the reason I've been able to stay with my plan...knowing that I have this great piece of equipment that will allow me to exercise and won't fail me. Talk about a great start to a morning. Well, at least I got the laundry all folded (oh so, sad).

I stepped on the scale and I'm down 1/2 a pound. It may change by tomorrow or the next day, but I couldn't even get excited about it. I want my treadmill up and running, dammit. I wanted to get a good walk in on Saturday, since I missed so many morning workouts this week. Perhaps I'm just a bit obsessed. I don't know. Just thinking about it is pissing me off again.

The other part of this is that hubby will sometimes keep his pissy attitude for days at a time (he's such a Gemini!). Meanwhile, it's more effort to stay pissed at him than it is to try and make-up, but he's so freaking hard-headed! Ughh! God, I hope this isn't a prelude to the entire weekend. I don't think I can stand it!

Here's to hoping the weekend gets better (please, please let it get better)...

My room is complete and it's absolutely beautiful! I can't believe how nice it turned out. Putting up the border was a bit of a struggle, but thankfully, I didn't have to do it alone. I don't think that putting up border is a project you can do alone. You'd have drippy, pastey border everywhere.

I've really been "putting it away" these past few days (so much for watching it this week). I've been absolutely famished! Part of it has to do with the normal cravings that precede TOM. The other part is just a strange, over-the-top craving I've begun to have for protein. I've also been really tired. We're experiencing a lot more humidity than normal and hubby thinks that's what's having an effect on me. (It's only 30%, but I can definitely feel the difference. How I managed to live in Nashville all those years is beyond me.) And because of the late nights, I haven't been getting up for my normal treadmill walk. That will have to change, next week. I don't want to blimp out just because I had extra chores at home to take care of. Speaking of extra chores, Wednesday is normally laundry day and we didn't get around to it. I suspect we wont have an opportunity to do laundry until Saturday. The hampers are already starting to overflow. Oh, the train wreck that is becoming my house!

On top of all that, we're still planning our fish fry for Saturday. I'll definitely have to run out and buy some more L-Carnitine. I've been out since last week and I'm sure the extra "push" from that will only help. At least our house will be all pretty and painted for company.

Oh, what a joy it is! I moved all the "stuff" off of our bed last night so that we could enjoy a peaceful sleep in a bed. I was ecstatic (you know, it's the little things in life). Today, he'll be working on pasting the border. The room should be complete, once that is done. Hooray!

I am currently sporting a size 9 skirt, today. I didn't even remember I had this until I went digging in the closet. I slipped it on with no problem whatsoever. Look out 8 CKs! Here I come!

No change on the weight, today. I'm not surprised. Hubby says that I've begun to build lean muscle mass and, as we all know, muscle weighs more than fat. Thankfully, muscle also produces a chemical that burns fat so, I suspect I'll maintain for a while then start to loose again.  Hubby is also losing weight (not that he needs to). He's leaning out and looking fine. I've started to notice that his six-pack is more defined. O la la!

I decided yesterday that I miss swimming. We were supposed to be swimming fools this summer and we've only gone twice. I think I'll see about going on Sunday or something.  It's nice and warm and the weather is great.  There's no reason why we shouldn't go.

By the way, I'm dealing with some shady stuff with the talent agency I'm trying to set my daughter up with.  I've tried this before (for myself) so I have a good idea of what's legit and what isn't. The nice thing is that this time around, I have the internet. There's a great site that discusses the scam artistry that is, sometimes, modeling agencies. If you've ever considered doing this or want to know how to start and what to avoid, check out this site. It's extremely informative. I believe I will take my daughter elsewhere. Luckily, there are three top agencies here in town. I've got some options.

Paint, paint everywhere! The weekend was filled with painting. We painted our room Cinnamon and the trim is called Nutmeg (can we say, spicy room?). Okay, too corny. Anyway, it looks fantastic. We'll be putting up the border on Wednesday (the room has to "cure" for 72 hours, before you can paste a border). 
 
The bathrooms are soft coral and my hubby is ultra pleased...so pleased, in fact, that he's ready to paint yet another room. Yikes! Our house is a mess! Furniture everywhere, drawers from the furniture everywhere. We've been sleeping on the living room floor for the past two evenings. This is so not cool for someone who is not outdoorsy and has never been camping (and has no desire to do so). If nothing else, it has been quite romantic.  I don't know what it is about sleeping in a different place that can get people in the mood.
 
I was out of the office, yesterday (hence, the missing post).  I did a bad, bad thing and had Wendy's and Carl's Jr. over the weekend. That stuff is no good, I tell you. Especially for someone who's system is becoming quite the well, oiled machine.  But something good did come out of my binge weekend....
 
Sunday was youth Sunday.  My sister was asked to present her trip to the congregation and, yours truly, was asked to introduce her.  Therefore, I knew I needed to look extra cute, and I'd already worn my prettiest dress last Sunday. So, off to Ross I went. I found the cutest dress, but they only had it in two sizes: 8 and 12. Where was the ten? Ughh.  Here's the dilemma: Do I dare take the 8 into the dressing room and risk the devastation, when the dress decides my hips are not worthy? Or, do I go in with the 12 and risk looking like I'm wearing a pretty tent. I bucked up and took the 8 in. Low and behold, it fit. It looked fantastic, even. It may have been cut a bit large, but I was just so thrilled to be in an 8 that I didn't care. I wore it on Sunday and received mucho compliments.  What a boost! Now, if I could just get into those size 8 CKs my hubby bought for me.
 
Meanwhile, I've not quite gotten back on the wagon. I had French toast and bacon for breakfast. I was so famished!  I think that I'll be okay, if I watch it for the remainder of the week. Tomorrow is weigh day and I'm not expecting miracles, but I'm still really happy about the size 8.
 
 

I did some digging around on a consultant site and found an opportunity to write, part-time. The person I emailed got back to me pretty quickly and said that they had narrowed the list down to only a handful of people (including myself). Woohoo! This could be just the jump-start I need to get a little extra income in the house. With hubby not able to take overtime anymore, our finances have been really crappy at times. Don't get me wrong, we're not in the poor-house, but we're definitely not prepared to have any major castrophes happen. (You know, they tell you to have at least two months worth of pay saved up for emergencies). I suppose, if worse came to worse, I would just borrow against my 403b, but I'd hate to do that. They tax you to death when you do that.

Anyway, I'm kind of excited. Any time I've contributed something with my writing, I've always had good results. In graduate school, I submitted a piece that was requested for a live presentation. Several local "heavies" listened to me read my short-story. I once submitted a piece for a radio contest and won. Another time, I submitted a short essay for an online contest and received a consolation prize (hey, I didn't win, but I did get something out of it). I really think this is the profession I'm supposed to be in. True enough, my job requires that I write all the time, everyday, but not in the way that I would like to.

I had two, great workouts today. This morning, I pumped away on the treadmill. This afternoon, I glided away on the elliptical. This evening, we're supposed to start painting our bedroom. That's a workout in and of itself! I'll be glad when it's over, but I'll sure love the results (walls and arms alike). We were supposed to start earlier this week, but hubby bought more plants and flowers and had to take care of those each afternoon after work. My hubby - the green thumb.

This Saturday, I plan on taking yard sale items to a local consignment shop, Kid to Kid. They buy toys and clothing and I hope to get a little bit for some of the better items that didn't sell. We tried to take them after the yard sale, but they were swamped and had no where to put anything. It looked as if someone dropped exploding boxes of clothes all over their back counter. What a mess! Hopefully, I won't have the same problem if I get there early enough.

No big plans for the weekend, other than that. I am getting excited about my impending days off, in the next couple of weeks. I still think I'll sell back the Superman set and buy the halter I was talking about. I'm also thinking that I'll go ahead and do the bronze thing next week. If the summer keeps flying along like it's doing, I'll be too "bright" for the fall, and I like a darker hair color during the fall. Right now, it's a rusty red from all the sun exposure. Never seen a red-haired black woman? Take a look at Chaka Khan. I think the big day will be July 21st. If I'm anywhere in the 150's, I won't feel the least bit guilty about bumping up the goal prize (especially with all the drama these goal prizes have become).

My daughter, the babe, will be four in August. In her few, short years on planet earth, she has already begun to make her mark. At barely one, she took home Mini-queen title for the Miss American Starlet Pageant. It was a total fluke thing when we did this. Hubby stumbled upon the ad in the paper (while waiting for his oil change), then I called to get more information. When the information arrived, I found out that the registration fee was 75 big ones. Well, I wasn't about to pay that to put a toddler into a pageant. Turns out, everybody I knew wanted to sponsor her. The $75 was raised in about 3 days. So, off to the pageant we went. There were some new mommies, like me, and some obsessive, crazy mommies. I swore right then and there that I would never become the latter. Those women were nuts! No child should look like Tammy Faye Baker or feel like they're failures because they aren't pretty enough. What the hell? The division she fell in was judged purely on natural cuteness, thank God.

Anyway, she took home the title, a crown, a sash and a huge trophy. The next year, she took home the title of princess. This past year, I put her in the Sunburst pageant and she won that too. I'm telling you all of this because I want you to understand that my child's beauty isn't just a mother's opinion and blinded love. People who know beauty as a profession see my child as gorgeous (without make-up or props).

A co-worker's wife is the photographer for a very large scrapbooking company based here. She asked my little one to pose for their catalog. It was a full-on photo session and the babe just ate it up. The photographers encouraged me to get her an agent, so I began investigating the BBB for the best agencies in SLC. I found the names of the top three and started communications with one of them. Most won't take on a child younger than six, but this one takes them at four.

Yesterday, hubby was at the store and a woman stopped him about the babe. She raved about how beautiful she was and how she'd be perfect for a commercial they were shooting today. Now, the babe isn't quite four yet and reading isn't an option. Everything would have to be memorized and she wondered if that was a possibility with someone so young. She must have changed her mind because I didn't hear back from her, but it got the fire going again about getting the babe into this business.

With all the stories we hear about child stars gone bad, I was a bit hesitant; however, I remembered something about those stories that I kept hearing: the parents lived lavishly and drained their children dry. Those who succeeded, had stable home lives and I believe that makes all the difference in the world.

I'm a good and fair mother. She has a good and fair father. The babe already has a savings account (and has since she was a few months old). Everything she made would go there (unless, of course, she "blew up" and mom and dad became her manager's). But, even still, neither myself nor my husband are lavish people. We'd want her to have a childhood (I definitely would, because I thought mine was the best). I'd want her to have normal school and normal friends. Again, I don't know if she would even be huge. She could be just a great, local talent that gets called from time to time and that would be fine with me. Anyway, this has all been on my mind for the past couple of days, so I thought I would share.

Down another pound. I took a look at my stats page and realized that it's taken four months to lose this "second batch" of ten. Goodness! That's some kind of plateau. The weight training should make a difference...at least I'm hoping it will. It's a change from what I've been doing, and that's the only way to break a plateau. I'd hate to think that it will take me till November to reach the lower 150s. Yikes!

Today is the babe's field trip to the Aquarium. Hubby is going as a chaperone and was so excited that he didn't go straight to bed. Isn't that cute? Gosh, looking at him you'd never know he was as big of a kid as he is. My daughter is so excited too. She gets a big kick out of getting to ride the bus. Lord, if she only knew what horrors the cheese wagon can bring.

I've been watching "I Love the 90's" on VH1 this week. It's been so strange. Last night was '93, the year I graduated from high school. Their big discussions were on Crystal Pepsi and The X-Files. Amazing! Some of that stuff was so nostalgic. I can't believe it's considered retro already. When I was growing up, the question to mom and dad was, "Did they have T.V. when you were little?". My daughter will be asking, "Did they have the internet when you were little?" I know I'll feel really old, when I say. "No. There was no internet. No chatrooms. In fact, computers weren't even in color. The screens were black and green." Then, she'll run to school to tell her friends how old her mother is. Dark ages, baby!

My goal rewards are all screwed up. You know, I supposed to get the Superman collection on the first goal. The order was (I thought) for the DVD set. Instead, I received the VHS. Brand new, but not what I wanted. The latest goal is for the Satin Hands set; but, I feel like I never got my first goal item. I think I'll sell it back and use the money to get one of those drape halters I've been eyeing. If we go out of town this summer (to somewhere not so prudish) hubby and I can go out in the evening I can look like I actually have sense of style. We'll see. I'm having a time trying to find the right style and color. They're either too expensive or too revealing.

An interesting phenomenon? I'm smaller, despite the one pound. I think I read somewhere that part of a plateau, also has to do with your body catching up to your new, lesser weight. Your organs readjusting, your skin shrinking...something like that. I'll have to see if I can find where I read that again. If that's the case, then I hope things pick up after the readjustment has completed. Oh! And, my skin has stopped exploding. I look like a half-way decent girl again.

After having a day filled with negativity, I worked very hard to make things positive. I had a going-away lunch with two co-workers. The one who isn't leaving (but wants to) griped about her boss a lot at the lunch (the co-worker who is leaving, shares the same boss with her). It's amazing how bad things are in other departments. Not that the situation is any better, but there are others who have it a lot worse. It really put things into perspective.

Despite all the negative talk, I worked hard to change the subject and find non-work related topics to talk about. It worked for the most part and I found that I felt so much better. I think that I achieved a small goal in doing this. I also played new age music all day to help with my mood. It worked! I have it on today as well. The only problem is that it takes me back to darkened, candlelit rooms with warm massage tables. I have to be careful not to fall asleep.

Last night, my hubby announced that he would be digging up the fern plants he planted on the side of our house. They are a bit out-of-control, at the moment. (Oh, let me just say it: the west side of my house looks like a freaking jungle). He purchased tulip and calla Lilly bulbs.

I have three favorite types of flowers: Birds of Paradise, Orchids, and Calla lilies. The Birds of Paradise because of my youth. Growing up, we had several growing outside of the bay window at my house in California. I loved them and they always made me feel better. I was also transfixed when watching the humming birds that flocked to them. I love orchids because of their exotic beauty. How can you not love a purple flower? Both of these cannot be grown in this climate (way too dry and both flowers thrive in tropical or temperate climates). Calla lilies signify spring,Easter and new beginnings. When he told me he was planting them, I actually felt joy. Isn't that funny? The thought of a particular flower made me feel joy. I can only imagine how I'll feel when they bloom next year.

Currently, I'm eating some of hubby's southern-fried catfish and grits. A true southern delight! The word "fry" may have leapt out at you, but not to worry. We only fry in extra, virgin olive oil these days (and frying in my house is a rarity). The fat content really isn't that bad and I'm getting oodles of protein. I'm going to sound like a hypocrite now but, we will be frying again in the next couple of weeks (I promise, we really don't do this much). Hubby wants to have a fish fry for some of our friends and family. He said something about doing hushpuppies too, but I don't know of any low-fat hushpuppy recipes. I can usually find low-fat, low-cal alternatives for most things; however, some things were just made to be fattening and won't taste nearly as good any other way(cheesecake, anyone?). Perhaps will skip them altogether and do a nice pasta salad. Hey, that actually sounds pretty good. Another good idea created from almighty blog!

The gym is still running their Olympic competition. I'm doing quite well (number 1 or 2 in my company, I think). I know what the first prize is and it would be so cool to get it. (I won't mention it here. Don't want to jinx my chances. Let's just say it's a trip to a place where lots of haute couture can be found). I don't know what the group or individual prizes are. I think I mentioned, before, that I hoped it wouldn't be a dumb T-shirt or water-bottle. Since I'm listening to all this new age music, how about ten free massages?? I could totally get into that!

I had another emotional breakdown. They are coming harder and more frequently than they used to. If I don't get it together, I'm going to end up in therapy. Hubby was wonderful, as usual. He was the one who had to get me to talk. I swear we reverse the typical roles! Isn't the man supposed to be the non-communicative one? I just didn't want to burden him again. My stuff, as I've said before, just seems so trivial. But, he made sure to tell me over and over that it isn't and that I should talk to him when I get this way or it makes things worse (You know, blowing up over every little thing he says. Stuff like that). It also came out that I'm still dissatisfied with my appearance. I didn't even realize I was, until I started to talk. He again told me how great I'm doing and how proud he is of me. He also said that I am slowly becoming someone that he knows I'm not. He said that he knows I'm strong and determined. That, when I set my mind to something, there's no stopping me. I just have to get to that place. Personally, I thought I was there, but I guess not with all the issues that were spilling out of me.

Of course, it didn't help to step on the scale every day this weekend. I know that's a total trap, and I'm sure it spurned all sorts of problems (i.e. my emotional breakdown). He gave me some advice and soothed my nerves, but the hard part is on my side. I have to stay strong and faithful. I have to say, to myself, that I'm worth it and that I can make things in my life better. No one can do this but me. It's so damn difficult to do these things when you feel so emotionally weak. I'm like a newborn without a blanket...totally exposed and vulnerable to all the elements. My advice to myself when I first started to work here, back in 2001 was, not to let what others say or do get me down. Not to wear my heart on my sleeve. I should just do the best job that I can and block everything else out.

I think I'm going to bring in my own computer speakers and start wearing my headphones again (the new XP Dell ones I have, don't have a headphone jack). I can block out some of the surrounding negativity that I just don't need in my life right now (I'm talking about the coworkers I sit around that bitch about everything here). As soon as they start in, I start in and that doesn't make things better. It just brings me down even more. Yeah. I think that's what I'll do (I just have to remember to do it).

Meanwhile, I'll just focus on what I'm doing and think about our plans for home this week. We're going to paint our bedroom (Thank God!). The lady of the house who lived in our home previously was a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). She had a huge garden in the backyard and sewed all of the draperies in the house. They were hideous! There's also this horrendous floral stenciling bordering the walls of our bedroom. I can't wait to see that disappear. We've got a cool color plan in mind that will blend with the decor of our pale pink bathroom (it was tricky, but I think it will look nice). Hubby is also planning on installing the remainder of the doors in our basement, then begin work on the tile. If I keep my "eyes on the prize" (the completion of our basement), we may just be able to have it all done before Christmas. That would be wonderful and, finally, something good and satisfying in my life again.

I did as I said. I called hubby right away, after my emotional rant on yesterday's blog. He was unavailable. Unavailable? What the heck does that mean? (Riots or no riots, he's got to club whomever's causing the drama and come and talk to his emotionally distressed wife.) Talk about adding salt to the wound! Anyway, he called about fifteen minutes later to see what was up. By then, I had pretty much self-counseled myself back into sanity. I was still nonetheless pleased that he called back to check on me.

By 2:30, it was training time. I went through two circuit training cycles, while still maintaining my speedy heart rate. Hubby kept saying I was doing great than called later to tell me again. Boy, what a little ego-boosting will do for the soul is beyond amazing! I think the combination of the ego-boosting and the endorphins from the workout really brought me out of the dumps. Today, it's much better. I walked on the treadmill and then had pancakes for breakfast (so you know, all is right with the world). I've got to keep positive, if I'm to stick this out for the next few months. I just wish it didn't have to be so difficult. "Anything worth having is worth working for"...I know, I know, dammit.

Tomorrow is the yard sale. I've been ripping my house apart getting ready for it. There was so much junk...and shoes! Lord, the shoes! Shoes I haven't worn or seen for ages. I even found a pair with the price tag still on them. There a size 10 that hubby bought me, by accident. (How do you confuse a size 8.5 with a size 10, especially when it's numbered on the shoe with a big circle around it??) I took them to my mother's to give to my sister (she's the Big Foot in the family).

There were also tons of baby toys. I hope that we can make a little money off of some of this stuff tomorrow. If not, it's going to the D.I. (That would be Deseret Industries, for non-Utah type folk. Just think of it as the Salvation Army or Thrift store for Mormons). I don't want any of that stuff back in my house.

Oh, and in the midst of my grief and despair yesterday, I did search through the classifieds again. I do that when the trapped feeling hits me. I did find a publisher's position for the local paper in my town. It's a position that starts in a few months, which would definitely give me enough time to find a new daycare in my city for the babe. I'm a little leary of applying, simply because the details of the position weren't really given and you have to mail your resume and references to a guy, somewhere in South Carolina. I think he owns the company that owns lots of little papers across the U.S. If things don't change, there won't be any small businesses left with the giants that keep buying them out. But enough politics....

My legs and arms are so sore today. That workout must have really hit home. I don't think I was this sore on Wednesday (after working out with hubby on Tuesday) and I'm sure walking wasn't as difficult as it's proving to be today. Phew! I hope I don't fall down somewhere. I do hope that it makes a difference in the numbers. It would be so nice to see a big change again on the scale, like I did when I first started. Here's to hoping!

Has anyone written a book about this in general, because I'm certainly in need of some tips. What is up with me today? I feel like utter crap...not physically, but emotionally. That trapped feeling settled upon me this morning like a tornado over a house and it's pretty much ripping me to shreds. I've been snippy with my husband and less than patient with my daughter. Even the dog is getting a bit of this lashing. I don't know what to do. I barely made it out of the car when the tears started to well up. It's not like this is PMS, so is it a hormone dump?

I think part of it is knowing that there are a couple of people who are, so fortunate for them, leaving this place. I am a bit jealous about it (especially because I've wanted to leave so badly for such a long time), but this can't be the only thing that's making me feel this way, could it? I think I'll call my hubby and try to talk to him. It's something that I find so hard to do, sometimes. Not because he's unwilling to listen, but because I know the kinds of burdens he carries too. How anyone is able to do his job as long as he has and keep sane is beyond me. My issues seem a trifle in comparison to his. Why do I diminish my feelings, you ask? Well, I don't see it as diminishing. I see it as sparing my husband of the boredom of my issues. When he has to witness hangings at work, my biggest gripe is that the management is passive aggressive. What would you do?

Anyway, I'd better call him now before I decide it's not worth it. If I don't, he'll be snippy with me for not talking to him about this earlier. It's a no win situation I'm facing, here.

No change today on the scale and I am so grateful. I really thought that nasty little three would sneak up on me, but it didn't. This means that I'm more likely to see a nice drop on the scale next Wednesday, after TOM makes it's exit.

My next 10% goal item is the Satin Hands Pampering Set from Mary Kay. I'm not a huge Mary Kay fan, but I've loved this stuff since college. I've bought other items, but never this set (in college, anything over ten dollars is a small fortune)! The set includes four items. These four items work together to exfoliate and soften your skin. It's heavenly and the one set that is probably worth the money you spend.

In recent years, I've described this set to others, hoping that they would catch the hint and purchase it for my Birthday or for Christmas. What was I thinking? This is one of those things you never get unless you get it yourself. Yes. There are consultants galore and one who has been hounding me for about two months now, but there's also eBay (thank the Lord for eBay). There, I can get it for half the price or less. What in the world did we ever do before eBay?

Last night, we moved the old stove out of the house and put the new one in, only to find that this plug doesn't fit either. What the hell? Hubby was so frustrated he went storming out of the house and down the street to our neighbor's house, Ryan. (Ryan is an electrician.) I tried to wait up for him, but found myself drifting off to sleep before he came back. When I woke up, he was getting ready for work. He said Ryan would get the correct plug for us, so I hope to have a functioning stove when I get home this evening.

Finally, I saw the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre this past weekend. Hubby bought the new one, but I insisted on seeing the original first (I'd never seen it before, which is an utter sin I'm told for a connoisseur of horror). I've not taken the time to write a review yet because I'm still having gross-out flashes. Once those go away, I hope to be able to give my opinion to you.

...I would have seriously been on the Wendy Plan this weekend. Talk about fluctuations! Friday was normal and so was Saturday (going over the norm about 300 calories). Sunday was somewhere in the neighborhood of 1800 calories and yesterday (which would have been my splurge day) was closer to normal. TOM showed up Sunday and I'm pretty sure it was reeking all sorts of havoc with me. It's indigestion overdrive today and it feels like someone is rolling a balloon around inside my stomach. Ugh! I took some tums yesterday to try and help, but it came back with a vengeance.

So, I'm a little afraid to weigh on Wednesday. What if it says 163 again? I don't know if I can take it, even with the knowledge that it's probably water weight. That number signifies evil to me, now. My own personal triple six.

Despite all that drama, the weekend was nice. It was relaxing and calm, which was just what I wanted. This morning, I had a little trouble motivating myself to come in today. It's to the point where I find no joy or any flicker of it when coming to work. I rode in thinking, "God, how I wish I didn't have this commute. Why aren't there any jobs in my city that pay me what I'm worth?" You know, the same old stuff. I need a vacation, desperately!

The glimmer of light was hearing that Kerry chose Edwards to be his running mate in the primary's. For someone who isn't very political, I wanted to jump for joy when I heard this. I suspect if I had, I would have been greeted with unwanted stares from the cars across from me.
(Tried posting this morning. Hopefully, it just took now).

Guess what? I tried on three pairs of size 8 jeans and pants this morning. I could get every pair on, but couldn't close them. What an accomplishment! Just a few months ago, I couldn't get a size 8 past my thighs, much less past my waist. Woohoo! I'm so psyched that I'm nearing a new size. Oh, the clothes I will wear! I have about three summer dresses that are in a size 8 (and I've never worn them...hubby bought them as motivational purchases. Goals to reach for, as it were). At the time, I was like, "Please, man. I'll never get my big butt into those dresses." But, now I see that it's not far off. Who knew?

I've been eyeballing those old/new draped halter tops that are so trendy now.(I say old/new because they first showed up in the 70's and 80's. Of course, the look is catered to the twenty-first century, now). They're gorgeous, but not for the timid. I think that will be one of my next clothing purchases, if I can come up with the money. I have no clue where I'll wear one of these. If we end up going to Vegas this summer, maybe we'll go clubbing or something. At least, I know I can get away with it there.

I'll be at mother's for the fourth, extended weekend. I've already planned in my head what I'll eat. I hope I can stick with it cause that's always the trick.

I have a huge zit on the side of my jaw that seems to have taken on a life of its own. It's so painful, too. I just want it to disappear, but that's unlikely. I know this is probably way too much information, but I'm always happy to share the little details. Maybe a weekend of Turkey-burger munching and watermelon eating will appease it, then it will disappear into the underdermis unknown.

Yep. That's me. Just call me stinky breath...or maybe fish breath is more appropriate, since I'm snarffing down tuna at this very moment (for breakfast). I was craving protein...actually craving it! I had decided on my hubby's kidney beans, when I spotted the "Chicken of the Sea" in the cabinet ("Why does my chicken of the sea taste like tuna?" Is that what this generation has been reduced too? Hubby thinks it's all an act. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, lower yourself for one half hour and watch Newlyweds on MTV.)

Today the party planning committee and I will go shopping for decorations and prizes. The party is planned for two weeks from today. It's an Olympic theme, so it should be lots of fun. I suspect will be gone for most of the afternoon, since we have to hit about five stores. Although I totally loathe shopping, I'm trying to have a positive attitude about this. I'm hoping that because we know what we're getting, it shouldn't be too traumatic.

I've been using the Neutrogena soap, religiously, for the past two weeks. It seems to have helped more than the Noxema, but I'm still breaking out. I should probably have a regime like using the pre-zit treater, wash with the soap, astringent to death than mosturize. That's too much like putting on make-up and I'm not sure if I want to go through all that. The other option is find out what zit cream my mom uses, than ask the doctor for a prescription. I think I'm leaning more and more towards that option.

I weighed today. You know, I was feeling a bit smaller. I'm glad I'm so in synch with my body because I was exactly right. One pound. 161. Woohoo!! Death to plateaus...weight plateaus, that is.