The weather is not cooperating again. The sun has nearly disappeared and will not return until a week from today. One week! I need a bit of Vitamin D, here. I'm at critically low levels and I can tell TOM is approaching because I'm moody and bitchy this week. If the sun were here, I'd have no trouble screaming my stress out at the top of some hill. As it is, I'm stuck indoors (and there will be no screaming indoors, says the management).

Weight training and cardio are going well. I'm in my "fat" jeans because of TOM water weight, and they're not as tight. That's a good sign, I guess. I wish they were nearly falling off like last year, but I guess this will do.

The babe has had some issues at school, so much so that the manager had a "sit down" with me on Tuesday. I was embarrassed, but listened to what she had to say. My child is spoiled, thank you very much. Of course she is! I almost lost her at birth and at four months. We totally dote on her. Granted, I know it will cause problems later, so we are working to discipline her better, not allow her to argue with us so much, and have given her a sweet list of chores to do (she already fed the dog and cats, now she's taking care of other things). I hope it works. I so don't want her to have troubles when she's in regular school.

My sidekick has been on vacation this week to Disneyland and Vegas (lucky girl). I'm sure she's having the time of her life, while I'm stuck indoors...staring out at the rain. Oh, joy. I can see little pockets of sun over the mountains, but the rays are being muffled by big, cumulus clouds. Oh, clouds, don't you have somewhere else you could be, like, up north somewhere or back East?

I have no set plans for the weekend. The babe is grounded from the T.V. till next Tuesday, so there's only play time and computer learning games that she can do. I suppose I'd better stock up on some. This may turn into a long weekend indeed.

Not you guys...I mean, not unless you want to. This is just me venting about a phone call I received a few minutes ago. What is it with people and not reading? I mean, they can solve so many of their own problems if they just took the time to freakin' read. It's really pathetic. The sad thing is that it was a student who called. A student! How does he expect to get anywhere with his degree without reading? Oh, well. The details really aren't that important, but it is a subject that comes up more than not.

Meanwhile, I'm back on the "working out" regularly kick. Not that I wasn't before, but last week was out of sorts because of me and the babe both being ill and dad was home, which makes us always want to go out and eat for comfort. Luckily, we eat pretty well (most of the time) but last week, it was all KFC, A&W, McDonalds, Taco Bell and Fat-food heaven. The only "good for us" take-out we had was Rumbi Island Grill (I'm starting to really fall in love with that place. Yum!!)It's amazing that I don't feel like tub-o-lard because I really should. Today, I've been extra good to try and make-up for the damage. I'm glad I'm not weighing regularly right now because I would be living on guilt street for real! I just don't want that right now in my life. I know what I did, I'm going to correct it. Why should I have to put myself through torture as well? It's not worth it...especially with my stress-level where it is. I can't wait for my vacation! God, I can't wait!

The day, otherwise, hasn't been so bad. My boss is back, after spending the weekend burying his father. It was really sad watching him go through that. I understood why he was at work, but I wish he had taken more time off. I can't imagine what it's like to loose a parent. A bunch of us sent flowers to the funeral (this was separate from the standard, company flowers that go out...too impersonal, I think). He is my boss, after all.

Well, here's to hoping students everywhere start reading and learn how to do things on their own, without someone constantly holding their hands.

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. Boy! I wish I had lots to say like,

"I found this awesome job that pays what I want, has the schedule that I want and provides me the flexibility that I need. I absolutely love it!" or

"The babe has auditioned for a commercial that will pay her enough money to send her to the private school in our city for the next ten years. In fact, it's paying her so much that I can quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom and support her." or

"Hubby quit the sheriff's department and is now personally training some big shot in Hollywood. We'll be moving next week to keep him company (lounging by the pool) in their big, Tudor-style mansion."

Hey, I can dream, can't I? Unfortunately, it's more like SSDD every day for the past month. Ugh! No change no hopes of a better tomorrow, as of yet. I have been getting calls from perspective employers who call and then don't call back after I call them. Mostly tech writing positions, but hey, it's work and I can do it.

I'm still weight training and looking pretty good, if I do say so myself. The weight is probably the same, but I'm telling you...being a slave to the weight scale number is for the birds (although, it kills me to say I'd like that number to be nicer). I'm taut and stronger, but still carrying extra weight. I hope that the "scales" tip in my favor soon. I'm getting so impatient.

This weekend looks to be nice. I have to do the babe's hair this evening, which is always time consuming, but worth it. It gives me two weeks of freedom, until I have to do it again. Before we go on our trip, I'll probably do the painstaking cornrows for ease and flexibility. They're not as cute, but much easier to care for. Well, it's time to begin my weekend, so I shall. Adios!

We have another "pow-wow" session scheduled tomorrow with the family. I'm not sure how this one will go at all. The first one was very revealing to all of us, I think. I'm just hoping that things stay civil (like they were the last time). I'm glad TOM is over and I'm not PMSing. I could say things that I wouldn't normally say, if that were the case. Right now, I'm feeling very level and clear-headed. I'm keeping optimistic...that's all I can do.

I'm wearing the dress I wore Easter Sunday today. I've been called "mod" and "gorgeous". I'd say that's a good way to get the day going. I've also been a mite sassy (it must be the dress).

Still no word from the potentials. It's starting to bug me a bit, but I'm trying to say strong. I really, really, really want to find something that works for my schedule along with the Babe's, but that also allows me to receive the income I need to stay in my house. I hope that can happen. I'm really praying hard that it does.

I've been doing well on the workouts but boy am I sore! Hubby took the back massager to me last night and it sure helped, but I'd really like an all-over massager. My quads, triceps and inner-thighs are what's giving me grief today. We have dinner guests coming tonight, so I didn't do my morning workout (opted to clean a bit and get things ready), nor will I do one this evening (cooking, entertaining and such). I hope I'm not in a mummified state by tomorrow. It usually takes a day to really feel the grief. Ouch!!

Hubby and I celebrated our 7th year anniversary this weekend. We went to a movie, out to dinner, did a little shopping then, capped off the evening with a cocktail and another movie. It was lovely. The babe stayed with her aunt, uncle and cousins for a sleepover and we had the house to ourselves. Of course, we missed her and ran straight over to pick her up Saturday morning.

Sunday, we made birthday dinner for my mother. Salmon marinated in Teryaki/garlic sauce, stuffed salmon, roasted potatoes and French cut green beans. For dessert, my mother's favorite, oatmeal raisin cookies. She seemed happy and we sent her home with leftovers.

Pretty much ate what I wanted this weekend, but got today off on the right foot. I'm determined to be bathing suit ready for May, and I'm nearly there. I need to drop a few pounds and tone up a bit more, but I'm nearly there. I'm doubling my efforts by starting up my morning workouts again. I won't do my mid-day workouts this week. Instead, I'll do my Firm tapes in the evening when I get home (before dinner). Hubby is off most of this week and I'm sure he'll do the dinners, if I'm this focused (except Wednesday...we're having dinner company on Wednesday, so I will do my mid-day then).

I haven't heard from any of the places where I've applied. It's like I don't exist. I'll start following-up on Wednesday, but I thought surely I'd have heard something today. Oh, well. I guess when it's time, it will happen. This waiting gets hard, but I will wait if that's what I have to do. I also know that my yahoo account probably sends up all sorts of red flags. I'll be contacting Comcast today about setting up an account through them (sent we use their service at home). Surely that looks more reputable. Perhaps employers will start contacting me back with a Comcast account.

I've been on edge lately and it's starting to have an effect on how I speak to people. So, I'm making a conscientious effort to think about things before I speak, to consult my mind and heart, before I release what's in me. I think it will make a difference and I won't feel like I'm bottling up so much. I had to really relax last night, in order to finally fall asleep. I was so pent up. It must have been really restful sleep because, despite the later hour, I woke up at 4:00am refreshed and ready to get started.

I'll keep plugging away with my new routine...geeze. It's amazing what we go through to look good and be healthy. I just wish it weren't so hard.

I've been irritated most of the day. It all started with the pissy daycare worker and morphed into my heart aching for myself and some of the people who work here (mainly, those of color). It's terrible what's been happening, recently. One girl was actually confronted in the breakroom and was told that "she doesn't belong here" and that she was only hired because she's black.

Now, for those of you who are unclear on the reasons why affirmative action exists, let me break it down for you:"take affirmative action to ensure that applicants are employed, and that employees are treated during employment, without regard to their race, creed, color, or national origin." It all goes back to the "Jim Crow Laws" and the "separate but equal" garbage that existed pre-civil rights movement. Unfortunately, racism is still alive and well, but people should not have to feel threatened or work in a hostile environment, just because they are darker than others. It's so ridiculous! I can't believe it's even happening, but it is. Even sadder is that it doesn't appear that anyone higher up is resolving the problem. Why is this? Don't they know that they could get sued (or worse) for not addressing these issues? Unbelievable!

Thankfully, it hasn't happened to me directly (or the fire would be brought down, seriously!) but it does effect me in that it is happening to co-workers and they, in-turn, are telling me and it pisses me off just as much as it pisses them off. We're having an all-staff meeting on Friday and we were just sent a survey to fill out. I was brutally honest with my answers. I truly hope that whomever is collating the responses really works to flesh out the problems they find in everyone's answers. They said it will only be a two-hour meeting, but I believe that to be total crap. If they really allow for an open forum, we may be there all day. God, I hope it helps. I really don't want to have to bring down the fire myself.

I'm glad that the week is almost over because I really need to decharge. It's been hectic all day - lots of work, emails, meetings and than this crap on my mind. Hubby said to document it: well, here it is in public view. You can't get more documented than this (oh, I suppose I could put dates and stuff, but I don't have a firm grasp of when all of this happened. Seems like two weeks ago).

I worked out today and it did make a difference, but I'm still steamed. I may have to get in another workout, just to calm down enough to rest well tonight. I'm trying to remember that it isn't like this everywhere and this is even more of a push for me to get out of here, quick and in a hurry.

I've got a beef with one of the daycare teachers. For the past four years, I've brought the babe in a few minutes before opening. Her favorite teacher used to open up, but now she's in school and another teacher is opening the offices. Anyway, I hang out until the opening time, before I leave the babe because (technically), the daycare still isn't open. Fine. The previous teacher had no beef with that. Now, the current teacher who opens, I always have to break my back and bend over, just to get her to speak. She will, but it's a total act of congress. It's almost as if she'd rather deal with the children, then the parents (Well, sorry lady. We come as a set).

The babe had her as a teacher when she was much younger, and she was always so nice. (Maybe she's not getting any, as of late). Whatever bug is up her butt, has now translated to a huge sign on the door that says, "Please do not bring your children to the daycare before 6:45. NO EXCEPTIONS!" What the hell? Why does it matter now? She's usually just sitting there staring at the wall when I get there, or moving toys to the baby room. She's always happy to ask the babe to be her helper.

Anyway, perhaps I'm over-reacting but I think it's so dumb. If I'm there and I'm hanging out with the babe until time, then that shouldn't have any effect on what she needs to do to get the classrooms ready. It just burns me up! So, now I'm not killing myself to be nice. Maybe she'll never speak to me again, considering I had to work so hard before (I'm not sure how she is with the other parents. I've never paid attention, but I almost wish she were the same way with them. I've had to figure in the "race card" so much, lately and it's just sad). But enough on this subject...

On a happier note, I have three anniversaries coming up this weekend (Saturday, specifically): I will be seven years married, I will have been in my sorority for ten years, and baptized for 23 years. (It's also a friend's birthday.) Needless to say, the 9th is a big day. Hubby and I are trying to make some sort of plans, but nothing is set in stone. I know we'll probably do dinner (which is always a nice treat). Have I ever mentioned that my TOM arrived the day of my wedding? Isn't that peachy. It's looking like it will make an anniversary visit too (just my luck).

I had my "intercession" with the pastor of my church, my mother and my sister this past Saturday. It was weird, and yet somehow very predictable. I arrived first (always the early bird), my mom was right on time and my sister (not surprisingly) was late. She spent most of the session emoting, while my mom and I played the logic hand (this was the predictable part of the whole hour). We're supposed to meet again next week. I'm staying hopeful.

I'm so bloated. Ugh! I'm still eating okay and exercising, but the impending TOM is making me feel like a Good Year blimp. It's mortifying what my jeans and T-shirt look like today (any other day, and I would have actually pulled off "cute"). Hubby made his famous chili, which is chocked full of black and red beans, spices, lean ground Turkey and brown sugar. Yum! It's like a party for your colon (I immediately stopped at Wally world this morning and bought some beano. It's a good thing, too)! I'll have more at lunch time (beano and chili, that is).

I ordered a few things for hubby for our anniversary. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they arrive before Saturday. Otherwise, I'll be empty-handed (which I never want to be, when it comes to special days and my hubby). As I've said before, he's the most giving person I know. I'm always happy to give back to him, when I'm financially able (and this time, I am).