It's official. I am now thirty years old. Do I feel different? Nah. I've been feeling thirty since around September. It's cool and I'm so cool with it. Actually, it's a great deal better than being twenty, when you're unsure of who you are and where you're going and what in the world your purpose is. I still feel that some times, but I'm definitely more sure of myself.

Yesterday, I received the most beautiful, purple, potted tulips from a coworker. I also received a bottle of champagne from my side-kick, who now works with me. Then, a big bunch took me to lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, Cafe Trang (It's a Vietnamese/vegetarian bistro that has the world's best lo mein, truly!). My hubby took me to McGrath's Fish House, which was wonderful and romantic. I had their Crab Celebration special which was absolutely to die for! I swear, I could eat crabs everyday. When we lived in Florida, I could never get enough. (Thank goodness their good for you.) Afterwards, we indulged in the Apple Crisp and shared it for dessert. When we got home, I turned down the covers to get into bed and out popped the first and second seasons of Seinfeld. Altogether, I'd say it was a red-letter birthday. I'm looking forward to the future and all it has to offer, especially since this year will prove to be the most bewildering (but exciting) year I've had in a long time.

I'll be at the gym during lunch and I plan on hitting the forty-five minute mark today. It should help in breaking down yesterday's splurges. Thank the Lord I've survived another year.

It's an amazing concept, and a difficult place to achieve. I find that there are times in my life where I feel peace, and I'm not confusing this with contentment. This peace that sometimes settles upon me is much more profound and invigorating than contentment. With contentment, there's the slightest bit of "what if I had.." lurking behind it. This time, I drove to my peace.

The past few days, here in the valley, have been quite mucky. We've had a nasty inversion (for those of you who do not pine away your days watching the weather channel, I'll give you the gist of an inversion). A high pressure front will sometimes move over our state. When this happens, it's like a blockade for everything else, including moisture (that's snow and rain). This front will actually trap in all of the smog and yuck for days, sometimes weeks without any sign of relief. It usually takes another pressure front (low) or a serious storm or wind to push it away. We've been suffering with this one for about two weeks. All the stuff in the air can make you cough something wicked and it keeps the sun at bay, which can aid in the winter blahs. Friday, I'd had enough and had decided that I would drive up into the mountains to get away from it for a bit.

Saturday morning, the babe and I set out for our adventure. We've made this drive plenty of times but, I wanted to make a couple of stops first. I succeeded in getting us very lost in the process, but eventually made my way of Weber canyon. Breathtaking! Every time we make this drive I am amazed at how beautiful it is. Of course, I didn't think to bring my camera but I have taken loads of pictures of it in the past. Anyway, we made our way up and out of all of the smog. The narrow winding road widened to expose a very frozen lake and beautiful snow capped mountains. The babe and I stopped at the end of the canyon and had lunch in an old, rustic log-cabin cafe. A roaring fire awaited, along with wonderful hot, creamy potato soup.

After lunch, we continued our drive to Huntsville, making our way to the monastery. The land was wide and vast, covered in snow and glistening under the bright sun light. It was magnificent. We exited the car and went to the gift shop, just at the opening of the dormitory. Father Patrick greeted us with a smile and allowed us to roam the shop freely. I picked up a St. Francis of Assisi medallion (I am not catholic, but he is the patron saint of animals and I've always felt close to him) and a prayer book for the babe. I also purchased honey that the trappists monks there make. Once we made our purchases, Father Patrick allowed us to visit the church. We entered the cathedral to complete silence. At the back (front) of the building was very crystalline, blue and red stained glass with the image of the virgin Mary and the baby Jesus. Flecks of gold could be seen around their heads in halo form. Just beneath the glass was an alter and to the left and right, folded seats for the choir. Several pews were located on each side of the church, with kneeling benches. Above was a balcony where several folded, wooden chairs were housed. The babe marveled while I took in it's simple beauty. We wandered around for about ten minutes, then left. The perfect ending to a lovely day.

Something settled over my heart while I was there, and it didn't surprise me in the least. There must be an amazing amount of positive energy within and around a place like this, with all the praying that is done on a day-to-day basis. I would guess that the men who live within those walls must be happy in a way that most people have never experienced. I admire their lifestyles, but I don't believe it is something I could ever do. Not because it isn't within me to do it, but because I enjoy mankind too much to be completely separated from it. As crazy as humanity can be, I don't want to be apart from it.

The weekend went well. I showed more control than I've shown over a weekend in a long time. I weighed today and showed a bit of a loss. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am allowing myself to enjoy it, but I will try not to go too overboard. I'm still aiming for complete fabulousness.

It's the 21st...hallelujah! Finally out of that blasted, stifling Capricorn period. Now, I can be expressive, inventive and carefree...well, at least I have an excuse to try to be expressive, inventive and carefree.

Hubby and I are talking again, thank God! It was a soulful night of reaching out that we had last night. We're both sad about the impending loss of our house, but are happy about making a new start. Man, it sounds like we're filing bankruptcy or something. Trust me, we haven't resorted to those measures and I sure hope we never do. We've just determined that selling our house and moving back into an apartment was the best way to conserve money and allow me the ability to work part time, in order to see to the Babe's needs once school starts. All this will have to happen before August, of course. January is nearly over. I've got a pretty good idea of how fast August will get here. A new spice to the pot? We're leaving Utah...I think. Well, I told hubby that I was okay now with moving, if that was something he still wanted to do. I think it rejuvenated him because he called and had all these ideas of places were we could go. Places with warmer climates and less snow, places where black people aren't stared at like freaks at a freak show, places where mormons and conservatives do not reign. I, myself had done my own bit of research. If we had our druthers, we'd want to be in California. I hope that can happen for us, but who knows. We're pretty flexible. As long as there's steady work and good schools, we'll be fine.

I'm really doing well (the control thing again). I've decided that weekends will be the ultimate test, since I tend to lax so much during those troublesome days each week. I know if I can maintain my drive and control during Saturday and Sunday, it will only help to aid in the process. I've seen it before! Just looking at my spreadsheet tells me that the most dramatic losses occurred when I was drinking my water regularly, exercising and maintaining my diet for an entire 7-day week period.

It was a pretty good day, overall. I've got a lot on my mind with all the talk of moving, but I'm continuing to look forward to the future. I knew this year would bring change, but boy, the changes that are to be had!

I woke up at 4, but I wasn't interested in working out. I shook my husband lightly who, amazingly, stirred at the first push. I needed to find out what was going on in his head. Why he had come to bed late every night this week. Why he showered my daughter with love and happiness, but only gave me the cold shoulder. There's a lot going on, I know but it was feeling more and more like resentment. I just needed to hear from him if my suspicions were correct. He said that his quietness for the last few days wasn't about me. That if he'd been snippy or short, that he hadn't meant to be...that he's just "dealing with things". Well, I can understand that. I'm dealing with the same things. In fact, some of my stuff isn't even worth his worry because I know he's dealing with so much. He asked me to tell him what was going on in my mind. I was hesitant, as I always am with my issues. I always feel like they're so small compared to what he's enduring (him being the man, double-standard or not, he feels the weight of the family rests on his shoulders and his shoulders alone), why should I plague him with my stuff? At any rate, he got it out of me.

Lately, I've been having drama with my mother (she isn't even aware of it, but she will be when I have lunch with her tomorrow). She makes all kinds of snide remarks like, "I'm so glad my children are grown," and "____isn't as well behaved as my children were," or, "She doesn't listen to me." Mind you, it's just small stuff but, still it bothers the crap out of me. When I first became pregnant with the babe, I would ask my mother if she was excited about the new baby or becoming a grandmother. She'd very plainly tell me, "no", and say that she'd already raised her children. It wasn't a big deal. That same attitude has persisted and the babe feels it, I know (it's true what they say...children are very perceptive). My mother has never been the matronly type and she's definitely not the grandmother type. She never wants to spend time with the babe and on the rare occasions she does, she always harps about the babe's attitude towards her or her behavior. It feels as if she's saying, without actually saying it, "You're not as good a mother as I was." It's starting to make me crazy. Besides all that, she's turning into one of those bitter old people that does nothing but complain. She's so judgmental and negative about everyone and everything! I will do my best to tactfully talk about these things with her, but I know her better than anyone. I'm almost certain she'll write it off and not take anything I say to heart. Hubby says that I'm assuming and making prejudgements myself by thinking that's what she'll do and maybe I am but, something tells me I'm right about this call. (God, I hope I'm not). I guess I'll see on the morrow.

Despite all of the craziness, I'm doing well on my plan. I think I can pinpoint the exact reason why: it is the one thing I can control in my life, right now. Seems accurate, don't you think? My job maybe gone in 8 months (who knows), my daughter will be out of daycare in 8 months, I may have to sell my home and I'm almost certain I'll have to take some bogus, part-time job that's unfullfilling and pays nothing, in order to be there for my daughter. Hey, that's chaos at it's best. I, however, can determine what goes into my mouth and how much I exercise. And that's what it's about, so often with women who are trying to loose weight...the control. On a subconscious level, I probably decided that if I lost control of this final element in my life, then there's nothing. I will have succeeded with enveloping myself in total chaos...it's pretty much my biggest fear.

I wish there was something happy going on, besides the weight loss, to kind of put things in balance. We're supposed to go to Florida, but I can't even think about that right now. It will need to be sooner rather than later but, ugh! That's just more drama. Being the eternal optimist, I'll just continue to hope and pray that things will get better and maybe all that good karma I sent out will make it's way back to me.

I tried on one of my skirts today, a neat little number with a subtle animal print...about 4 inches above the knee...size medium. It was not cute. I mean, it didn't look horrible, but I've definitely seen it looking better on me (sans the big bubble that is my belly, just above my knees). If for nothing else, I have to drop these few, troublesome pounds in order to get back into my cute clothes (comfortably). I've gotten off to a good start, as I've said earlier. It's going to be a difficult road, you know, especially with all the drama going on in my life, but I will persevere!

I changed my spreadsheet a bit, to reflect WW points now. I thought I'd give it a go and see where it takes me. Couldn't hurt, right? Besides, it's basically what I'm doing already, except they incorporate fiber and protein, where my plan does not (it really should). I even ate cottage cheese this morning. It was okay. I didn't remember what it tasted like and I had hubby buy me some a week or so ago, since I haven't had any since probably childhood. It's not something I'd want to eat all the time, that's for sure. I know it's a great source of protein and has very few calories so, maybe I'll have to (in the beginning) to aid in the process.

Hubby and I aren't talking a lot right now. We're both going through stuff and I think we're trying to spare each other of our trials. This is not a good thing, since we should be sharing. A lot of times, I'm very selfish about my problems, you know, not wanting to burden anyone else with them (especially my hubby). He's got a part-time job now (along with his full timer), he's still working on the basement and now he's working on getting new carpet in? It's insane! Plus, I know he's gotten really homesick and wants to see his family. Meanwhile, I'm trying to plan this Florida trip all while knowing that my job may be gone in 8 months, along with our house. Good Lord! What's a woman to do! Oh, and the thirtieth birthday will be here next week. Next week?!

Yeah, okay. I think I need an addiction for a while. I choose French Vanilla Cappuccinos. They're only 2 points and a great treat, in my book. To allow myself the addiction without the added guilt, it will be decaffeinated (not much of an addiction is it). Well, never mind. Who needs to stress of trying to break an addiction anyway! (Did you see that? I started and overcame in one paragraph. I wish life were so easy).

My hair is coming back. I don't think I mentioned that I shaved a bunch of it off. Don't worry. It's really not as bad as it sounds. There's still a lot on the top and it's growing in quite healthy. Hubby took off the back and got it down to about half an inch. He didn't want me to, but he said that if I had to do it (hair was falling out in clumps) that he'd much rather help me, in case I messed it up. Getting it healthy. That's the goal. I pretty much fried it with all of the coloring I was doing. I've gotten the color bug out of my system, now. I'm sure it will be another ten years before I do that again. So, who knows what I'll do next (thank goodness for my wigs).

Well, Aunt Flow showed up the evening of the fourteenth. I was somewhat relieved, somewhat saddened at its arrival. You know, not that I need any extra stress in my life but, a new baby is still exciting. Oh, well. I just figure it's not time yet and that's okay.I had my review and brought up the "work from home" request again, beginning in August (if at all possible). It was met with a maybe, and a side of "probably not" response. So, that means I'll have to find a part-time job in the city where we live and save up enough to keep me a float till that job comes. But, we'll probably have to sell our house and settle for a condo. Oh, how I'll miss my house! I love my house! But, the babe comes first and I'll do what I have to for her.I spent most of yesterday and Friday crying...mourning the loss of my house. I figure, better to get it out of the way now rather than be crushed and devastated in August or whenever it happens (if, but most likely will). I need to be happy when the babe goes to school, or I'll really be depressed was on the elliptical trainer for 35 minutes today at lunch (trying to build up to 45, which shouldn't be too difficult). I've gotta get movtivated and get up at 4:00a again for that extra cardio in the mornings. With the rough weekend, I didn't get a lot of sleep. I'll keep working at it. I'll try and stay positive. It's 2005, after all.

Something's going on. (I'm going to be specific, so if you're squeamish, leave now and wait for Monday...) During the month of December, my hubby and I were "gettin' it on" regularly. Well, most of the time we are able to control our passions and reach for the Trojans (I don't do birth control pills, shots or insertions. I can't. The first and only time I took it, it made me crazy. I spotted the entire time and cried at everything. I ended up ditching the last four pills and gave them to my girlfriend, who gave them to her plants. They were much happier about the hormone dosage than I was.) . Besides, the Trojans have always served us well and we've had no complaints, once we found the right type. -Anyway, back to what I was saying- There were a couple of times we didn't dip into hubby's trusty, bedside drawer. We weren't really worried because it took my body two years to adapt to his sperm and conceive. Well, it may be that body adaptation got a turbo boost.

New Year's day, me and the family were at the Virgin River Casino, enjoying a nice buffet breakfast. Afterwards, we adjourned for the restrooms. As I looked down at the crotch of my underwear, there was a noticeable amount of blood. Now, most would say, "Oh, flow's in town. Let me whip out the tampon or the pad," but flow had already visited just a week before, so it wasn't her. I would say, a bit more than a spotty amount is what I saw. I was immediately transported back to the winter of 1999 when I saw the same thing, shortly after learning I was pregnant. I finished, walked out of the bathroom and told my hubby what I thought. The entire ride from Mesquite to Las Vegas, we talked about the possibility of a baby and how a second child would change our lives. We were a bit fearful, but excited.

When we returned to our condo in southern Utah that evening, hubby and I stopped for cheapy pregnancy tests. I knew that it was a slim chance that I would see anything, especially since I hadn't missed a period yet and there would be very little if any of the detection hormone. I took the test and it was a flat negative. Well, I already told you all about my episode on 1/05 (see my entry). When I went to the doctor, I did mention the spotting. He asked if I could be pregnant and I said, "Yeah. It's possible". He told me to wait until a day after my period shows because anything before would be a waist of money (where was he New Year's day??). It's weird because I think I've been doing the PMS thing, these past few days and I've got one of those period pimples in my nose (you know, the kind that hurt like hell and then just disappear as quickly as they show up?) so, I'm not sure what to think.

Notice today's date? Yep. I'm still spotting, and with benefits. There are congealed elements (see, I told I'd get detailed) that look a bit like clots, but much, much darker. I asked my mother about the spotting last night on my way home from work and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Could you be pregnant?"
"Well, yeah. I could be."
"Hmm. Thirteen days. That's the only thing I can think of."
"But,thirteen days of implantation spotting? Really?"
"Well, maybe your implanting twins."
(Nice answer, mom).

Well, to say the least, I will be using the second part of the test I bought in southern Utah, next week, if this is still going on. I'm still not completely sure what to think about all this. I have the babe starting regular school this coming fall (wow), possibly a new baby coming (double, wow) and my life twirling around in front of me (Oh, and I have my annual review with my boss this afternoon. Nice.). Of course, I've always believed children are blessings and I also believe God never gives you anything that you can't handle. It's still a great deal to think about. Something that also came to mind is the fact that my best friend is getting married this summer. Oh, man. If I'm too far along, I won't be able to fly, but I have to be there. Driving to Nashville in the middle of summer, and pregnant, does not sound fun at all. Ughh! See? A lot to think about.

Meanwhile, I've already decided that I will continue working out and eating healthy, two important steps I did not take when pregnant with my first child. I've learned my lesson there. I'll be sure to post, just as soon as I find out (okay, maybe a few hours after I wake up from passing out), but that won't be until next week. I'll be officially late (if I am) on Wednesday.

Tuesday was the 8-year anniversary of being with my husband. I said, "I love you," to him exactly 8 years ago. I took the day off and we went to the movies. We saw The Forgotten. It was great, until the end when it totally coped out. I sometimes wonder if writers run out of steam or if their getting pressure from the movie execs about time crunches. Either way, they do themselves a true disservice by not creating to their full potential. Run out of steam? Stop and come back to it later...years, if need be. Movie time constraints? Rip up your contract (okay, so I know it's not that easy).

The entire day was rainy and we spent most of it running to stay dry. We had lunch at Pei Wei, which was tasty for me (Pad Thai with Chicken), but not so impressive to my hubby (Mongolian Chicken). It was also very crowded and they sat us at a table too small for a toddler. I gave him the first season of The Shield as a gift. He was ecstatic! I received my gift last night...he's returned to day-shift. Hallelujah! I was so happy, I wanted to cry. Graveyards have been hard for us. He never gets enough rest and I don't get to see him like I want to. He felt the same way. He also warned me that if he gets the job he wants at the airport, he may have to go to swing shift. Ughh! That's even worse, but we'll make do. We always do.

I've been thinking a lot about all this craziness with the weather everywhere. It's really frightening. You can't tell me that the Tsunami didn't effect everyone. An earthquake of that magnitude is bound to effect, not only the very traumatic events we saw but also the way the weather is impacted. The whole of North America seems to be swimming in water of some sort, whether it be snow or rain. Places that never get snow, are now getting it...places that typically have harsh winters, aren't seeing the worst in a century. I just hope mother earth is calmed soon. So many people have lasts their lives in recent weeks. I feel for their families. The photos of the Tsunami, the mudslides in California, the flooding here and in other parts of the country, just make me want to cry.

I've lost two pounds since last week. I've gotten off to a good start and seem to be going full steam ahead. My little one was coughing something wicked this morning. I hope I don't get another call. I suppose that's what the fever was last weekend...her body trying to kill the cold (or whatever this is) that was trying to attack. Well, it succeeded. I just want her to get better soon, poor thing. She was up and down all night. I didn't get a lot of sleep and I was kind of snippy to her. I hope we both feel better before the day's end.

The strangest thing happened Tuesday afternoon. I was on the elliptical trainer and after about five minutes I got incredibly nauseated. I went another five minutes and it got worse. Thinking I should just work through it, I continued and at the sixteen minute mark, I got off, nearly ready to pass out. It was so weird! I stumbled into the locker room and immediately called my hubby. I could barely hold the phone, let alone get dressed (which I know is totally gross). I'm sure I grossed out the ladies at the gym, who had just showered and were changing while all this was going on.

I made my way back to the office to get my purse and keys, I then headed to the daycare to pick up the little one. I made an appointment and saw my doctor an hour later. He gathered it was a mild case of gastrointenitis (sp?) but I clearly didn't have all of the symptoms. So, I went home and took a two-hour nap. By Friday, I was getting a call from the daycare telling me that the babe had a 102.5 temperature. Not good. I raced over and picked her up. As soon as we got home, down with the Children's motrin. Poor kid. She was like a 29 lb furnace for two days. Yesterday was the first day without a fever and her appetite had returned. All seems to be well on the home front. I just hope hubby doesn't get whatever this is.

Meanwhile, I totally went over board on the comfort foods during the weekend (The week went great). I worked out this morning for forty-five minutes and totally felt it. Boy oh boy, what a couple of days of splurging can do to a body. You'd think I would have learned by now. Humans are just hard-headed in general, I think.

Well, it's back to work. There are 184 emails waiting for me to do something with them. I wish I could just highlight them all and push delete. I wonder how that would go over!

I gotta tell yah, I am so happy that the new year is here. It just couldn't get here fast enough. 2004 really blew and I mean from start to finish. There were a few small highlights, but all the bad just seem to overshadow them. When the new year ball dropped and everyone screamed, I screamed right along with them. Holding my hubby close, I made optimistic promises that I know I will keep.

This site is about my weight loss journey, but also about my personal journey. For the first time in my life, I know who I am. I am comfortable with who I am and I am at peace. For years, I think I was swimming around trying to find me - dressing myself up in new ways and allowing myself to synch-up with whomever I found interesting. It's not about finding the pieces of you in others so much as it is finding out how the real you gels with everyone else. The real me is not glamorous on the outside. I look more home bodyish than anything, and that's okay. I have average-sized feet and am way short. My teeth are crooked and I have myopia. My arms are huge for a girl, but I have the tiniest fingers. As with any woman, I deal with my little insecurities but, you know what's important? I am kind. I believe in people, no matter how much they don't believe in themselves. I am loyal and trustworthy. People feel comfortable talking to me. I have repoire with nearly everyone I meet and I am genuinely missed when I leave a place. I am a pop culture nut and can remember minute details about some things, and miss them entirely in others. That is who I am. That is me, no matter how much weight I put on or take off, no matter how many colors I dye my hair, no matter where I may live.

So, I will be here, most days (I can't promise everyday because "life" is always happening) working hard to get fit and into shape and trying desperately not to lose my sanity in the process. It's a work in progress, this me...and, I'm okay with that.

I'm still here...living and breathing in moromonville, I am. No kidding! Enjoying the holidays a little too much (check past posts...I was worried this would happen). Never fear! I didn't put all the weight back on, I'm guessing about five pounds. I start my new plan on Monday. Christmas is over and there's nothing left but to get smaller and smaller. I'll be able to put the treadmill back in the living room (It's been facing a while near my daughter's play room for the past couple of weeks, due to the space problems the Christmas tree has presented). On other fronts, my new year's resolution is to take better care of myself. I already work out and eat pretty good. This "better care" goes beyond the working out...it has to do with how I dress, wear my hair, my skin, all the outside stuff I usually neglect. I'm going to do it for the big 30 (which is exactly one month from today!).

Hope everyone is having a joyous holiday season. I'll be on vacation until the start of the new year, so I may or may not come in to post. I'll be much more regular (he, he) after the vacation. I have new help who actually comes to work and, get this, works! I'm so happy about that. It will make for a lot more posting, now that I'm not overly stressed about getting everything done. "C" as I'll call her from here on, is terrific. I'm hoping for the best.

Till next year! :-)

Yes. I'm proud to say that I voted bright and early, yesterday. Unfortunately, I don't think it did much good. I'm in a staunch, Republican state and there's rarely an opportunity to overcome it. Not to say that I'm a straight party-voter, but I do want what's best for our country. A nice balance is always good, but we've got a definite, controlling power on our hands again. I really feel divided on all of this. Would Kerry have been a good President? Will Bush really tackle the issues and stop being a moron? I don't know. It's all very disheartening. I just wish our troops would come home. Then, we should take care of domestic issues before trying to take on everyone else's. I'm not very political at all, but that's how I feel.

There is water weight with me. Oh, yuck. Also, I padded myself a bit during the Halloween festivities of last week. We had a lot of fried goodies (catfish and hushpuppies), and an assortment of chocolate goodies. Thankfully, I haven't gone overboard. The problem is, I keep getting invited to lunch and I'm not turning anyone down. I need too because I'm missing workout days galore. This week, one of my engagements cancelled, so I will be able to get in my normal amount, if not more of my workouts. I also plan on getting in my good one on Saturday, too (now that swim lessons are over). They'll start up again in January. Oh, and I recently discovered that Wednesday's are dollar-days at the pool. During Christmas vacation, perhaps the babe and I can get in some awesome swim time for cheap.

I really need to regain my focus. I can't be hot by thirty if I'm eating Halloween candy. I'm on my way! Hubby gave me my new plan to start next week and I am so geeked about it. I know that it will get me close, if not completely to my goal. The weight training and cardio begins for the next four weeks, then the diet change. We will get our two splurge days; Thanksgiving and Christmas. Other than that, there's no more eating out and everything is being cooked at home (except for these blasted lunches I keep getting invited to).

I've also said to myself that I can't buy anymore frocks or cutsie clothes until I get off these couple of pounds that have creeped onto me over the past two weeks. I also want to document more here on the blog (which I will). No empty promises. I'll just keep saying it until I darn well buckle down and do it. The calorie count is still at 1400, but I've gone over all weekend and the end of last week. This week has gotten off to a pretty good start. I will be back in the swing by this weekend (I'm positive). If for nothing else than that I am eyeing another tunic that is so pretty (check out Newport-News' Kimono Tunic). The model is wearing it in black. Can't be a big girl in a top like that. :-)

How often do we say that? Man, it's been like that all week for me. Monday, we came in to more problems with the system (not nearly as many as last week, but still more than I would have liked to have dealt with). Tuesday, I got my days mixed up and thought our accreditation visitor was coming, so I got all dressed up and left my gym bag at home. Oh, well, he didn't come till Wednesday. Okay, so Wednesday, I'm all dressed up again, no gym bag, and he doesn't even see or talk to me. I could have showed up in sweats and it wouldn't have made a difference...okay, well maybe but, goodness!

Yesterday evening, the babe's goldfish died, so we had to have the death talk. Then, we went to Wally World for a new Beta fish. She loves it! I hope he lasts longer than "Bark" (the goldfish). This one's name is Spot. [smile]

People at Wally world are crazy and manic around this time of year. The holidays are approaching and they just come out of the woodworks and loose their minds! It's so annoying. Well, after an hour in Wally World, we stopped and got dinner, then made it home to eat. After that, I had to sew a piece of material for a friend's costume. Not sure how I got roped into that one, but I think I accomplished what she wanted. Tonight, I have to do the babe's hair and make the apple crumble for tomorrow's pot-luck. It should be fun!

Saturday, is our fish fry. So, Saturday morning it's "clean, clean, clean" until the house is spot-less. Than watch as our guests succeed in crapping it all up again. Why do we do it to ourselves? It's all about image and our egos, I think. We can't stand the thought of having someone say, "Eww! Have you ever been to the ????'s house? It smells like cat pee and looks like wolves live there." Thankfully, I don't think anyone's ever said that. [smile]

Yes! Truly. I didn't drop off the face of the earth or anything. It was a nightmare of a week, last week, and I could barely breathe much less type anything down. What a mess! We have this new system that, of course, is supposed to be the answer to everyone's prayers and is this great IT accomplishment. W-R-O-N-G. It has done nothing but screw it up from the time it was launched and, of course, there are only a select group of people being affected (I am so fortunately included in this group....can you feel the sarcasm??). Anyway, things have leveled off a bit, but there are still problems. The biggest problem is that this masterpiece of technology will be available to all of our students Monday, November 1st. I think I'll call in sick that day.

Believe it or not, all is going well on the eating and work out front. A little splurge here and there, but really well on all fronts. In fact, I feel a bit smaller (even though the scale isn't reflecting how I'm feeling or looking). I'm chalking it up to muscle mass. That's the only thing it could be, right? Fat never looked this good (okay, that was probably way too much ego for this blogger). Friday, we'll be dressing up and partying down to a good, old fashioned pot-luck. I've decided to make apple crumble, since it was such a treat the last time I made it at home. Why not share the wealth? There's a lady here's who's decided to go all out with her costume. The crazy thing is, the costume is probably a bit revealing (she's going as a green fairy). She's over 6 feet tall and lost a lot of weight fast, before taking her job here. Consequently, she's probably put some of it back on and it's all centered around her middle. I'm just worried, that's all....for her, I mean. I really hope she's wearing a dress and not a leotard or anything. That could be frightening, even to frightening for Halloween.

The babe is going as a cat. I was smart and didn't tell her I have her costume and she hasn't seen it. She's at the age where she will ask about things a thousand times and make you absolutely crazy! I've learned to keep secrets to the very last minute, where she is concerned. We have company coming over on Saturday, and she doesn't know anything about that either. They'll just show up and she'll think they're there for her. It should be interesting.

I hope to be more consistent this week. I'm praying really hard that I don't have a week like last week. The stress was so bad it manifested itself in my shoulders and neck. I needed a massage bad! Too bad the massage college is so far away. I would have been there quick and in a hurry!

This seems to be on my mind a lot lately so, I'm going to get on my soap box about this for a few minutes. What, indeed, has happened to the ethics of workers? No one seems to care about the quality of work, much less coming in on time. People complain constantly about work and how they're getting screwed in some form or fashion, but no one is stepping to the plate to take action about these troubles. Could this all be stemming from our downed economy and lack of jobs? People are whining more because they don't have what they want or need, but they are unwilling to give 100%. There are a few people here who fall into that category. It just amazes me! Maybe I'm too ethical. Can there be such a thing?

I'm having a budget gourmet and baked potato for lunch. I'll be going to the gym at the end of the day, simply because my morning has been so chaotic. I weighed in and I'm still within the three pound zone, but I'm not stressing it. Not in the least.

Today, are high is supposed to be somewhere in the mid 50's. What's interesting is how are bodies react to these temperature changes. For example, if I said that it was going to be in the mid 50's during the month of March, we would all feel that sense of relief felt when spring is on the horizon. During the month of October, it's always the beginning of the "Big Chill". In fact, they've stated that there will be at least several feet in the mountains, before the weekend arrives. Is that crazy or what? This weekend, I'll be doing my big "switch over", bringing my fall clothes up and taking my spring ones down.

I think that'll I'll have to do the unspeakable and buy more clothes, again. All of the shopping for new sizes was for spring-like clothing. All my fall gear is going to fit like tents (highly unattractive!). I'll have to send hubby out on a mission for fall-gear.

I stepped on the scale at the gym and it said somewhere in the neighborhood of 158 (that was with my undershirt, bra and panties on). I really think not consuming myself with these numbers is really making a difference. I've started on my L-Carnitine again, but I'm only working out once per day. I'm also eating more. I must have been starving myself without even realizing it. Like they say, everyone is different. Just because 1200 is just above starving for most folks, doesn't meant that this applies to me. I'll keep on trekking forward with this and, hopefully, good things will come.

The doggy seems to be doing much better. He's on an antibiotic, Imodium AD and I/D formula science diet dog food (which he gobbles up readily). He will be such a happy dog when he can finally sleep inside again and can eat his regular food.

-UPDATE 2:15 PM MST - The movie information has been updated. :-)

After two more days of runny bowels, we just can't take it anymore. We tried pedialyte, pepto, everything we could think of to quite the poor doogy's tummy, but to no avail. Today, hubby took him to the vet and his suspicions were confirmed: once it started, it stressed him out so he couldn't stop. Now, he's on Imodium AD and an antibiotic to balance his gastrointestinal bacteria.

We weren't angry with him for the mess he made. It was just really frustrating to deal with. We finally started keeping him in the garage at night, simply because concrete is much easier to clean than carpet. Why not leave the pooch outside, you ask? Well, this kind of ties in to where his troubles started in the first place. Our dog is very sensitive...emotionally. We think he might have been abused early in his life. By the time he made it to his foster mom, the damage was done; however, she worked with him and he became the kind, fun loving dog we have now. He still has residual issues that surface every now and again. Basically, his diarrhea started as a result of his nerves. Something upset him enough to make it go into overdrive. After that, it was a flood of poo. Eww, and the smell! I'm surprised I even got it out of the carpet the first time.

Hubby and I will rent an industrial strength cleaner, just as soon as he clears up and has a bath. We want to make sure any stains or leftover smell are gone for good. We really felt bad for him because we took up his food and everything to try and wait it out. Last night, I was grilling chicken breasts on my George Foreman grill. I thought he was going to go into fits! He was so hungry. We finally had to let him out to save him the grief, poor doggy. I thought, perhaps, he had giaria (sp?) but it's just a case of the nerves.

I was proud of myself this weekend. I took two days off from my workouts, but I ate well. The only splurge was an apple crumble I made. The recipe called for "greasing" the pan along with "butter". I used no-stick spray and light margarine. I could definitely tell it wasn't as rich as the crumbles I've had in the past, but boy was it a nice alternative dessert. Yum! (I even topped it with Light, Dreyers Vanilla Bean ice cream.)

I'm feeling better about the way I'm handling things, now that I'm not feeling the pressure of the weigh ins (although, I'm still keeping up for myself). I don't know what it is. I guess in some way I feel (and know) this information is on display for lots of eyes and I must make sure I keep up with appearances. Pah-lease! I'll do that when I'm in my right mind, again (or did I ever have a right mind? Who, knows).

I saw a job opportunity in my field and it pays more by the hour; however, it's only a 30hour per week job and that would mean a pay cut of nearly 10K a year. I'm thinking of the bonuses - less gas, no car payment, no daycare. The cons - less money, basically a lateral move, no ability to save for more (after the huge paycut). Is it worth investigating? I may. I just hate to feel like I'm moving backwards, even if it's for the better of my child. There's got to be a better alternative.

Yep. That's what I had to deal with, first thing in the morning. The dog decided that he was going to vomit and poo all over my bedroom. What a nightmare! So, it was me and the steam cleaner this morning for a solid hour. What fun! I new what kind of day it was going to be after that. Strangely, it's been a pretty good.

Not much to say right now. Hopefully, I'll have something interesting to say about the weekend.

I've been thinking about this today. I don't weigh everyday, by any means. Most times, I wait until Wednesday; however, I'm wondering if even that is too much. I think it's good to know about where you are as a bit of a gauge but, to actually use that as a guide on how good or bad you are or if you're successful? I don't know. Somehow, it isn't sitting right with me. Maybe it's because I'm stuck in this rut. I've been hanging out within the same three pounds for about two or three months. I know some people hit a plateau and stay there for even longer than I have, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I feel good I look tons better. Isn't that what matters? Yes it does, but I also know that it can be even better. I want to be there with all of my heart. I can practically taste it! For me, the 140's would be perfect. I know that sounds strange for someone of my height but, I'm telling you, it would look fantastic! Any smaller and I'd look sickly. It's just getting there. How can I get there?

I've increased my calorie intake (finally) to 1400. Hubby thinks that I wasn't getting nearly enough food to do the things that I am doing. I'm no marathon runner, but I'm pretty active for a chick nearly in her 30s. Lots of protein this week and I've included a few apples here and there (the red ones, even! I prefer green). I've also tried to keep up with the six small meals. I'll need to do some reading on how those should be divided out and what I should eat each time. This weekend, I'm going to start planning menus again. I really feel like I'm in control of the weekends when I have prepared food to eat, rather than eating out (I know that should help too). Send me good vibes, fellow weight losers out there. I'm really in need.

I've got to stop this. I had goal items and everything to keep my need to buy smaller clothes under control. Well, there won't be a need to buy smaller clothes if my weight keeps fluctuating. Ughh! Currently, I am the keeper of all that is water, since TOM is on the way. It still doesn't make it any easier to see on the scale. I have gotten off to a good start this week so, I can only hope that it makes a difference over the next couple of weeks (keeping in mind that I keep up my good habits).

So, where does the buying come in? I've been eyeing a Newport-News sweater since I received the catalog late this summer. They had a Columbus Day sale (as did everyone in the U.S.) and they took 15% off the price. Well, I jumped on it. I was thinking, "Winter is coming and I'll need a sweater or two, " which is true, but I believe if I'd waited a bit longer I probably would have gotten the sweater for even less and perhaps in a different size.

Ugh! I'm really beating myself up and I should really stop. It's one day at a time one week at a time. I've come quite far and I can continue the journey. I know I can. I just gotta keep with the program.