Christmas is over and the new year approacheth. Of course, I made myself far too merry and indulged myself with lots of happiness and too much food. The happiness is always good, but the food always seems to go with it. Interestingly, 2011 wasn't the greatest year and I should be super lean because of it (I trend towards eating less when I'm depressed). The end of the year has brought big changes and the result? My expanded (expanding) waistline.

I haven't stepped on the scale in a couple of weeks, but I know things are not good. I knew I would be back on the wagon after the holidays and my goal is, as always, to try and make permanent changes that result in good maintenance. I will be on that road soon.

Interestingly, hubby asked, "Are you going to do another round?" I thought this interesting, since he gets very frustrated when I am on the protocol. He's very supportive, but always feels I eat so little. I have to remind him, "That it's part of the initial process and you know it doesn't last forever." I do well with the first two phases and even begin maintaining well (initially), but something seems to creep in and set me back. It's time to do a little "me" investigating again and hopefully squash whatever it is that creeps in. It's detrimental to all my progress.

I've been reading around again to all my saved blogs, vlogs and motivational sites. I also plan to re-read Pounds and Inches very soon (always do so before a round). I've still a few things to research since I've decided to try sub-lingual this time over injections. Although I have no problem with injections and have been successful with that route, I would rather keep going and not worry about skip days and immunity. The skip days always throw a wrench in planning. Let's just do it and get it over with, right?

Once my product arrives and the timing is in place (TOM is here right now so, I'm guessing shortly after my daughter's birthday and right before mine), I will begin Round Five. Two and Five are my lucky numbers. Gosh, I hope that proves true with my weight reduction. (Incidentally, I was in the 140s at the end of round two so, as always, I remain hopeful).

Goals are important and there's no time like the present to set up some wish list items (and as far as time, it happens to be about 6-ish in the morning on an off day...why am I up?):

-15lbs = a new game (time management games are my favorite and keep me from nibbling)


-25lbs = mani/pedi combo (a true treat! I get pedis regularly but full beauty would be nice)

-35lbs = new hair (I'm eying a really lovely unit that's pretty pricey)

-40lbs or more = a new designer cocktail dress for my work mixer this summer (perhaps not this one, but something just as sassy)


I'm gearing up and feeling pretty good about things to come.

What will be difficult is buying a pair of big girl jeans today. Hubby and I are going on our couples excursion and sweats are not an option. I've got a dress or two, but that's not practical in 20 degree weather. So, I'll breakdown and buy an inexpensive pair of size (heaven help me!) fourteen jeans today. What's really frightening is that I'm not sure those will be big enough. Ugh! If that's true, this will be the largest I've ever been while not pregnant.

It's not an easy process (it never is), but I'm up to the challenge and ready to dedicate myself full force. I know I will feel better, live better and look better with less weight. I will be more inclined to activity (right now, it's just very difficult). I'm also anxious to get back into my cute, little clothes from last year. I've held off from buying too many "big girl" clothes (aside from sweats) because I know I'll get back down. I am determined to be healthy again. So shall it be. Amen!

I was all geared up to get going by this Thursday or Friday, but TOM delayed a day later than I was anticipating. The new day one will now be May 1st. My hubby keeps asking about when I can eat again and when will the protein phase start. He's nearly done with his shows so, eating "normally" for him will come much earlier than it will for me. I have created calendars so that he can see when my phases change. I'm glad he's paying attention. He'll be less likely to tempt me, if he knows when particular phases are taking place.

He amazes me! He was down to 157 pounds (incredibly small for him) for his show in Seattle, two weeks ago. When he came home, he binged with three cheat days. This allowed him to put back on all the water he'd loss and a bit of weight to the tune of 178 pounds. For the past week, he's kicked up his regime again and is back on his eating plan. He weighed himself this morning and is down to 164 pounds (ahead of schedule, as he put it). Did you do the math? That's around 14 pounds in 14 days (and the man is not on HCG). I knew he was smaller two days ago just by his face. His determination and will power are truly amazing.

Right now, he's eating a lot of tilapia, asparagus and grapefruit. He has excluded most salt from his diet and is drinking around two gallons of water per day. Truthfully, it's P2 in more quantities. He'll also have a rice cake or two. I have to say, I'd much rather have a rice cake than Melba toast any day. Again, the man is amazing. I will be forthright about him on one respect; he's like me in that he loves to eat. He keeps talking about the Sizzler and Texas Roadhouse rolls he'll eat when the shows are done. I support his splurge days. He's earned them.

I've created my new spreadsheet, have all of my supplies in-house for the round and am nearly finished re-reading the protocol. It really is an all, encompassing process. You can't "half way" do this and, as I learned from my last round, you can't go rogue. I will keep within my limits and get through the month successfully. The goals are in place and my eyes are on the prize.

I've been scheming these past few days on a fourth round. The "sugar demon" (as I'm now calling it) has been ultra crafty. I'm fine, but then my carb-addiction raises its head. I have to limit them (carbs) much more than most people. I understand this, now. Regular eating for me is not regular eating for someone else. Clean is also huge for me, but difficult. I just love food and it's hard for me to say, "Stop." So, here's the plan:

Step A: Fourth Round - I will begin a fourth round on April 28th or 29th. I wanted to start Easter Sunday (April 25th), but my TOM is due then. That's going to make me look extra fabulous in my sleeveless Easter dress. Ugh! It would have been lovely to have Easter as a gorge day; however, maybe it's fitting that it doesn't happen then. After all, gluttony is a sin, right? Okay, I know this isn't really the same thing. The fourth round will be a short round. When I was in the 140s, I was way too small. I am an African-American woman with curves and my curves were all gone. I liked being small, but didn't like looking emaciated. For me? One hundred fifty-five pounds to one hundred sixty is fine for me. Again, what's right for me may not be right for everyone else.

Step B: Hubby's Support Plan -My family and I are due to go on vacation in mid to late June. This will place me in the early parts of my "regular eating" (P4), which is good timing. I want to be able to enjoy fun foods, but I will be working hard at not succumbing to my addiction (or bowing to the sugar-demon). I'm not unrealistic and know that a five pound gain is inevitable. I always gain five pounds on vacation no matter the circumstances. I've asked my hubby to put me on a plan directly after vacation. He is to have free reign with my eating but I have a major say in discussions with him about exercise, since my schedule is so irregular. This is to make sure I lose the vacation weight, but also put me on a path/good direction that I can handle long term.

Step C: Nan Kuru Nai Sah - "Live for today, but look forward to tomorrow". It's been my theme for the year (I don't do resolutions, but themes...feel free to ask about previous years. I love to share them!). With my hubby's help, I will find a "normalcy" that works for me, but allows me to have the ability to enjoy food without being afraid of it. What a little sugar can do for me is a lot of damage, but how to take those slip-ups and move on has proven difficult. I've got to get past it and understand that food is not my enemy. It is here to nourish and fuel my body. Changing my thinking is such a big part of this process. I know this and figured it out early with the protocol but somewhere, I've let those daily discussions with myself slide away. I will keep my posts current since writing about the struggles makes a big difference.

So, there it is in black and white. I'm looking forward to it and have already alerted my children to keep the tempations far away. They are very helpful and it's important that they be involved, too. Oh, and I'm going "Hard Core" again. The "rogue" stuff I pulled in round three was detrimental.

Round 3 begins tomorrow. Am I ready? Well, we shall see. I've purchased enough meat items and cabbage to last me a few days, once the VLCDs begin. I'll have to get used to cooking everything separately again but I've done it before, right?

The loading is fun, but difficult. The HCG makes it tough to eat and I have in mind how I'll load. After my visit with my best friend, I'm sort of sick of eating out (as is my wallet); however, I do need to say good bye to my favorites for the next month or so. Indian, Chinese and Greek are definitely on the menu (and the only items I didn't eat while the best friend was here).

I miss her already! We are still joined at the hip and never seem to run out of things to talk about. I love her dearly and despise that we are so far apart. She's an amazing support system that I need so much, but can't have on a regular basis (because there's no way I'm moving back to Nashville). So, we're resolved to alternating our visits each year. I will be there next October and when she sees my kids again, they will be 7 and 12 years old. That's crazy!

I'll weigh in the morning. I have a feeling I'll be at the weight I was when I started round 2, especially after all the crap we ate this weekend. Even though I can't work out, I have a goal to have that blasted new treadmill put together before my phase 3 begins. I gotta have my work outs ready to go, once I hit maintenance. The maintenance went very well, so long as I was working out regularly. As soon as I stopped (shortly after our return from vacation), the weight returned. I'm also resigned to a low-car lifestyle. I just don't do well with them. Even though I'm no where near the number of carbs I was ingesting before the protocol, I feel a difference mentally and physically.

Loading begins tomorrow. I'm thinking a scone with loads of honey butter and bacon for breakfast. I've been enjoying cappuccinos since the cold has come in and the new pumpkin spice flavor is lovely. I may have one of those, at some point. Chinese and Greek will round out the day and I know I'll probably be so full and uncomfortable. I don't look forward to that at all, but it is so necessary for the process.

So, the short round may not get me back into the 130's and I'm really not upset about it. Crazy, right? I was so all about being 135 but I felt good at 140-145. My hubby was also happy with that weight and I didn't look frail. So, if 145 is to be my ideal weight for me, then so be it. Here we go!

Vacation is over and I put on most of the weight I took off; however, I am encouraged by some interesting information I discovered. I can't go into all the details because I'm not a doctor and I don't want to steer anyone in the wrong direction. I will say this; it begins today. I am supplemented by a homemade option that I know is going to make a huge difference. I will use this option for several weeks, and then cycle off. I will continue to track my food on The Daily Plate for myself and for anyone else who cares about what I'm eating (I have a huge feeling that it won't be much). My body can't hold this weight anymore, so I'm taking drastic action. It is necessary. My internal and external struggles are at an impasse and this is just what I have to do.

For myself, I am 192 pounds today and that is the last time I hope to ever type that number here (granted, it is 2 pounds from where I initially started but, damn! No more).

I started thinking about the departed Anna Nicole the other day and how she must have felt when she looked in the mirror, after he weight gain. You feel the skinny girl inside, but when you look in the mirror, there is something so morphed and wrong you just can't face the reflection.



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I am not naive. I realize that weight loss doesn't make problems disappear and it won't make my life perfect. What it will do is change my perspective of myself. It will allow me to do more with my family and it will allow me to uncover bright things about myself that I have long buried. I am anxious to begin this journey. It seems strange to start on a Saturday, but why the heck not! You know, I was born on a Saturday? Saturday's child works hard for a living. I will work hard and get this blasted weight off once and for all.

I'll post goals soon. Motivation is important to keep my momentum going and I certainly can't lose that...I won't.

Well, great advice, if I could just follow it. While recuperating from surgery, I have been doing just that. TOM being on the way hasn't helped matters. I haven't dared step on the scale, for fear I am back where I started. And I worked so hard to get it off, dammit! It just frost my cookies. Oh. Bad point of reference. Frosted cookies....

I couldn't keep up with my journal entries, since I couldn't see to type them. Today, I've entered my information and will continue to keep up with this practice. It seems to help me immensely. We have thunderstorms slated for most afternoons this week. I had wanted to jog this morning (yes, jog), but my alarm clock was so soft, I didn't even hear it. Great. I also started work late, which meant no elliptical this morning either. Talk about jumping back in with both feet! I don't even have a toe in, yet.

So, tomorrow I'll put in today's journal entry. Hopefully, I'll have done what I need to do to keep moving in the right direction. I'm still hopeful, but feeling a little guilty and down on myself.

By the way, hubby purchased the Power 90X (Beach Body). I am a fan of the Beach Body Turbo Jam, which I haven't done in a bit, but really like. I hear that this is a great program, but that it can get a little boring. I don't know if he's using it as a resource, if he bought it for himself to try, or if he got it for me on the sly. Either way, I'll check it out.

I haven't posted in a bit, but trust that I have been keeping up with my new, nutritional plan. The cardio workouts are consistent. The weight training was consistent, until I began weight training with hubby. Some days, he just doesn't have the energy to train after working all day. I can't blame him (and I certainly don't complain). I need to insert my Firm workouts again on the weekends, just to be sure I'm getting in some weight training. There are weeks when we only manage one workout (typically Tuesdays).

Friday, I weighed in at 163.5 and I was thrilled! This new plan is pushing me down the slope again and I'm thrilled. I was around this weight when all things came to a halt, so I'm motivated to keep this up. I notice that things regress when we splurge and, unfortunately, we just came off a splurge weekend. Hell, it was worth it. I don't think gorging on Oatmeal cookies is as bad as things could have been. We did eat at Wendy's one of those days and I didn't order my standard "be good" meal (Jr. Hamburger, small chili) and it was tasty! I noticed that I was full for the evening after that junk. I was also feeling crappy the next day (clean systems don't like sludge mucking up the works). I know tomorrow's weigh day probably won't be as kind, but at least I know that being consistent is taking the weight off again. I was stuck for many weeks with no way out.

A little prematurely, I ordered a couple of things from Newport News. I'm not a shopper but they were having a sale that I just couldn't pass up (and a sweater I've been wanting for a couple of years was at an unbeatable price!) I don't want to infringe on my goal items and I hope I'll have funds to do those when the time comes. I'm really excited about potentially being a "hottie" when we go to the Northwest for my hubby's competition. Is it possible that I could arrive the same weight I was in college? How lovely would that be?!

Salt is definitely my enemy. I have seen no change in two weeks, but I've been inhaling the stuff like crack! It seems I want it and sugar more than anything on the planet when TOM is set to appear (which it did last night). When I use some self-control, I'm able to prevent the cramps from hell and the stave off the bitch inside; however, most of the time, I cave into my cravings. Then, what happens? Why, the cramps from hell and the bitch inside come to the party. Water is truly the trick. I've got to get my water-schedule back under wraps. I've also been slacking on my food entry. So, for the past two days, I've made sure every morsel has been logged.

An observation: when I work out, I'm hungrier through the day. This doesn't surprise me, but I tend to just make my limit when I'm eating (my limit also changes as soon as I enter workout time). For example, my standard max of calories for the day may be 1, 315 (that's not it, but this is for the example). When I enter my workout time, say 30 minutes on the elliptical, that 1315 suddenly becomes 1515. Well, I'll just about make that 1515 before the day's end. The observation I made is that when I workout, if I keep it at the standard max, the weight disappears. It's so hard, though. The body is in need of more food because of the workout, so I feed it. Then, I deal with no movement on the scale. It could be that I'm not taking into account that my water is less than ideal and the Salt Monster is every present.

So, what do I do? First, I'm going to try and practice some self-control next month. The goal will be not to cave into my cravings. Try as I might, I always have a lot of trouble, so it will need to become a mantra of sorts. This week, I've also been going for my water again and the process of getting back to 2 liters has begun. This one is tough, but I've done it before. I can do it again. Finally, I will need to see about changing what I'm eating for lunch. The frozen meals are wonderful and convenient, but they're full of salt. I guess they have to be or they wouldn't taste like much. Healthy Choi.ce does a pretty good job of not going too nuts with the salt they add, but it's still quite a bit (typically 600 mg). If I make my lunches at home (like my hubby) I'll probably be better off. This also means more cooking (and more work).

I've got a lot to try and figure out, but I'm not discouraged. No change is better than a gain and I'm grateful. I would, however, like to see those numbers dropping again. I gotta be bathing suit ready in a just a few short months! Eye on the prize...

The happy 160s are still here and the magic number on the scale was 169, so I wore my shoes...and they were too big. *Sigh* I still wore them and got lots of compliments and felt fabulous, but I'm bummed because they are in my size, they just fit a bit wide for me. I think if I put in an insert that will help but I can't be sure. I don't want to ruin the inside of my shoes if it's not going to make a difference in how they fit.

I worked out yesterday morning and did okay. I wasn't out of breath, like I thought I would be, and I kept it up around a half hour. I did the same this morning and am thinking that I might try my weight training on Saturday. I think that's what is making the difference in how I look and how things are fitting on me (I'm in a ten, by the way...and it's not strangling me or too tight). Hubby even said, "Hey, those are loose!" Who knew! I think it's all those lunges and "up and down" on the 12" stool. Talk about but-kicking exercises! Seriously!

Anyway, I am happy to be back in the 160s but, as they say, we're never satisfied. I keep thinking, This is where I got stuck the last time. Will I crest into the 150s or am I destined to stay in the 160s for the rest of my life? I guess time will tell. I haven't hit up my program with hubby yet nor have I changed my eating habits to that of a figure competitor. Phew! That's going to be rough when I do. I just can't get excited about tuna and oatmeal everyday. I suppose I have to change my thinking to that of food being for nutrition and not necessarily for pleasure. And, it's not forever. It's me attempting to reach a goal. If I do...if I do...when I do.

So, the 160s are mine...but I paid a dear cost to get them. I acquired strep throat again and, of course, you can't eat when your throat feels like you've been practicing sword swallowing. TOM also appeared, so it's doubly hard to tell if I made it on my own or through water-weight loss. TOM is so dang cruel to me when it comes to water. I hold onto it for dear life...not because I want to, of course.

I had almost completed a full week of workouts when the throat-closing-up thing started last Thursday afternoon (see my other post for the details of the sickness and it's progression). I'm glad that I'm feeling better now and I'm actually looking forward to working out. Hubby says I could try it tomorrow...gently. What does that mean? Fifteen rather than thirty minutes or half the regular weights I use? Oh, well. I guess I'll just listen to my body and try not to push it.

I'll post that wonderful number here (168), but the true weigh day is tomorrow. I hope the 160s are still with me tomorrow as well. I may very well strut in here with my fab shoes.

I'm working at this early hour thinking that I'll journey downstairs to the elliptical trainer because...I'm just so close! I keep seeing that box of shoes. The next goal item, tempting and taunting me. "Wear me! Oh, please wear me!" It would be awesome to show up to meet my newly found, old friend wearing those heels to lunch. Can I do it? Oh, the sheer joy of strutting in with my newly found 160s body in those fabulous heels. Not that I'm trying to get with her, but the last time she saw me, I was quite the chuboid.

So, cold in the coughing stages, but pretty much out of the congestion stage. Should I do it? Should I bite the bullet and just get on that thing and burn through the last four days of non-exercising? I really, really want to. I was checking out my calorie intake versus weight with the journal I keep and I definitely see improvements during the weeks I work out. That's to be expected, I suppose. I just want more improvements...and I want them faster, dammit! Patience, Enchantress. Patience.

Oh, but the shoes. Then, there are the other goals. I've also started thinking a little bit ahead. What if I surpass the first goal and continue to drop? Do I set up more goal items, or consider the added drops just sugar-free icing on the cake? Perhaps those additional drops would mean a new wardrobe? I don't know. I won't count my chickens...especially with the holiday season fast approaching. My mother's cornbread dressing calling my name at 11:30 at night? I hope I can be strong, this year. That's always the hope. I don't dare say I won't indulge, but perhaps I can work in more workout time to compensate. For you see, there is actually a bigger goal at hand. I hesitate to mention it now, but I will soon.

I'm really happy about today's number (173.5) even though it's not as dramatic as I would have liked it to be this week. Still, I can't complain. I've been battling a cold which left me on the couch at home yesterday. I haven't worked out all week! Do I miss it? But of course! I have reached that point very early in my training. I want to try and do something this afternoon, but I have a feeling my hubby will have none of it. I can hear him now;

"You'll just set yourself even further back if you try to work out without healing."

He's probably right, but I know with each ab workout and elliptical training I miss, it's just that much harder to get back into it. I want this 170s behind me once and for all. Figure training will come after I've restablished my initial strength and hubby is too excited. He's ready to whip me into shape (so he says). What kind of whipping he has in mind, only time will tell. I know that I'm already looking and feeling better. The added weight training will be an added bonus. It will be interesting to see how far I can go. Will/Can I look like a figure competitor before it's all said and done? Even if I don't compete, to just look like one of those lovely ladies would be a dream!

For the first time in months, I can change the number on the left. I'm glad about it, but I'm much more eager to change all the digits rather than just one.

It's a new day and I'm trying to get back on track. The lummox is out of my house, the basement is almost done and I'll soon have the treadmill and elliptical trainer at my disposal again. I'm looking forward to it...sort of. Let's say that I'm looking forward to getting back into shape and fitting into my clothes properly again. I'm only up about five pounds and I can tell. When I look at my face in the mirror, or when I try to put on some form fitting items? My ass is spreading again and I don't like it. Today, I plan to do a little something (start off slow) and take it from there. I'm currently sitting at 181 and after the summer I've had, I'm surprised it's not more than that.

Goals are still in place, I think. Unfortunately, the shoes I want are no longer available on the discount site and I'm not sure I'm willing to pay over $40.00 for them (when the time comes).